Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Sir Lawrence of the Meadowlands on Quite Frankly

That's right, everyone's favorite crack smoking, Jaworski-wrecking Giant had the pleasure of sitting down with everyone's, uh, well, with Stephen A. Smith. Now, I'm certainly no fan of Screamin' A., but when the show first premiered I had high hopes for it. I’ve always been fascinated by athletes, and hoped that Stephen A. could provide the sort of access that’s absent in today’s 5 Burning Buddweiser Hot Seat Questions age. The Firestone Weep Sessions of yore were always good for a laugh, but Roy could never truly be down with an Iverson or Moss, no matter how big he let his 'fro get.

Smith, however, was friends with guys like Iverson. He was an ally. Presumably, over the course of an hour long sitdown he would make the guys feel comfortable enough to open up and provide us with never-before-seen insight.

At least that was the hope. Unfortunately, Screamin’ A. is really awkward (and apparently even worse in person) and most of the interviews I’ve seen have been disappointments. Because of this (or the fact that more than half of America hated him to begin with), the show has been a huge failure, managing to draw lower ratings than the billiards reruns that it replaced in the ESPN lineup.

Nontheless, I tuned in when I heard LT was on. How could I not? When the show began with a montage of LT wrecking QBs and the NY studio crowd chanting "LT LT LT," I thought I was in good hands. The opening segment was the usual talk of drugs and football that we've all heard before. It didn't really capture my interest, but I knew it was inevitable. I just hoped that at some point they'd break new ground. Unfortunately, when they came back from commercial for the second segment, LT was joined by some white video game exec who was promoting Blitz: The League, a game that features a digital Lawrence on the cover.

Oh, so this is why LT's doing the interview. Shit. Nonetheless, LT never really let the white dude talk, and the conversation about video games had a few highlights, particularly the revelation that this LT endorsed game features gambling and "escorts." LT, wanting to make a buck off the game without biting the NFL hand that has fed him for so long (the NFL cut off all affiliation with this game after a bunch of the concerned parent types complained about its violence), claimed gambling and prostitution are in the game but not in the NFL. This prompted Stephen A. to ask LT about his history with call girls:
"You talked about how you would actually send prostitutes to opposing team’s hotels..."
"Escorts," LT corrected, "not prostitutes."

But between Smith's awkwardness and LT's crackheadedness, the interview never really got off the ground. When Smith tried to criticize LT for his involvement with a game inappropriate for 11 year old children (what insulting bullshit), LT responded with the bizarre, "Well, I got a game for them. It’s called Donald Duck meets Quite Frankly," (???) before cracking up at his own joke. Smith, not knowing how to respond, threw it to commercial and the show ended.

It wasn't a completely wasted 30 minutes, but I certainly wouldn't sit through it again. In the end, I felt the way I usually do with any Taylor appearance: a little sad and nostalgic, mildly amused, and generally confused.


Blogger Michael said...

also, since greg is the fantasy owner of "ron mexican standoff," it's worth noting another aspect of this game.

since they couldn't get the rights to NFL team and player names, they had to get creative. so, the atlanta team is helmed by a left-handed black man who wears #7 and is really fucking fast. his name? ron mexico.

5:17 PM  

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