Big Ben: A Real Cheesehead

As any idiot could tell you, under the Treaty of Westphalia in 1648, the nations of Europe officially recognized Switzerland's independence from the Holy Roman Empire, thus ensuring the federation's desire for political and military neutrality. For 358 years the Swiss people have stood firm in their conviction to isolationism in the face of conflicts that have engulfed the entire globe, from the French Revolution and Napoleonic wars all the way through both World Wars and the Iron Curtain. But, shockingly, in 2006 the Swiss have finally broken their long-standing pledge of neutrality by aligning itself with a force so undeniably powerful that the proud Swiss nation is willing to turn its back on a centuries-old policy to guarantee that it won't be the next victim in the path of this unstoppable killing machine. As you probably have guessed by now, I'm talking about the new unholy alliance between Switzerland and the Steelers' own Ben Roethlisberger.

The nation of Switzerland has apparently become the newest corporate sponsor of Big Ben. To prove that Europeans have no idea what marketing is all about, check out this bizarre interview with some website called Swissroots.org, dedicated to spreading word of the rich cultural heritage of the Swiss people. As I read the article I couldn't help but think, "since when did the Swiss have any sense of national dignity?" I had always thought Switzerland prided itself on being the place where people went when they were sick of their own countries. Did you know that Jewel and Cyndi Lauper are both Swiss? George Lucas and Jim Caviezel (you may know him as Jesus Christ from the big screen) are Swiss as well. Who would have guessed? The honor of being the "face of Switzerland," however, goes to No. 7. While the interview is chockfull of stupid questions and awkward answers, the highlight has to be when Big Ben's exclaims, "I'm sure the people of Switzerland would love it if I eventually married Miss Switzerland!" I say good for Ben for humoring these naïve Euros to get a free trip to Switzerland. Between this and Hines Ward's visit to Korea, it is evident that the Steelers players are milking their Super Bowl victory for all it is worth.