Tiki Barber

2006 Season Preview: #23 St. Louis Rams

2006-09-05T18:38:00.000-04:00

Does anyone really care about the Rams? There is about a two-game difference between the Rams' best-case scenario and their worst-case scenario. They have about a 50/50 shot of being better than they were last season, but a zero precent chance of being good enough to make a difference. The Rams may have a different identity this season after the front office gave the bum's rush to their idiot savant head coach Mike Martz, who had just been released from a hospital where he was being treated for a serious heart ailment. Another classy move by the organization that gave Leonard Little a second chance at being a millionaire after killing a 47-year-old woman while drunk driving in 1999. By the way, someone in the Little family must be editing his page in wikipedia, because it makes no reference to his involuntary manslaughter conviction, or the fact that he was arrested for drunk driving five years later. Steven Jackson and Torry Holt will make this team the focus of fantasy football nerds across the country. Marc Bulger will continue to remain the prolific passer plagued by injury he has been his entire career. New head coach Scott Linehan will undoubtedly rely on the run more than Martz, which will make them a little more consistent than they’ve been the last few years. However, the offensive line and defense are not good enough to make this team a real contender. The Rams made a lot of moves in the off-season, but they merely maintained the status quo. The Rams aren't terrible. It's a team that will make their opponents nervous every week, but they don't have a shot in hell of making the playoffs.

2006 Season Preview: #24 Minnesota Vikings

2006-09-05T18:28:00.000-04:00

Walking through the Mall of America last May, I was startled to notice that the only Vikings jerseys on display in the sports retailers were those of Brad Johnson, Chester Taylor and Koren Robinson. Even for a franchise as shitty as the Minnesota Vikings, those are pretty shitty franchise players. To make matters even worse for the Purple People Eaters, Koren Robinson was arrested for drunk driving following their first preseason game, a mistake for which he was released in the face of a season-long substance abuse suspension. Daunte Culpepper was escorted out of the state of Minnesota in an attempt to appease the Vikings' timid Lutheran fan base. The Vikings did manage to make a major free agent signing in OG Steve Hutchinson due to some cleverly structured language in his contract, but the Seahawks responded in kind and stole the services of restricted free agent Nate Burlseon. New head coach Brad Childress, who took over because former coach Mike Tice cried like a girl in front of his team, will attempt to run the Eagles’ version of the west coast offense, but the lack of quality components will make its success in Minnesota doubtful. The Vikings lost their first-round pick Chad Greenway to a knee injury that will sideline him for the season and cripple any hopes of fielding a top notch defense. But look out ladies, Smoot is back! Forbes magazine recently ranked the most valuable NFL teams, and the Vikings were dead last. Much of that ranking is due to the soulless concrete edifice known as the Metrodome. Look at it this way: the Saints, a team whose stadium was used as a shanty town for several weeks a year ago, are ranked higher than the Vikings. If those tight-ass Minnesotans don’t build the Vikes a new stadium soon, expect owner Zygi Wulf to fold up shop and move his operation to LA.

2006 Season Preview: #25 Oakland Raiders

2006-09-05T17:43:00.000-04:00

Commitment to Excellence my ass. The Raiders are perhaps the most aimless franchise in the NFL. After years of trying to reload with veteran talent, it appears that they now are trying to get younger. And if the entire world wasn't confused before, the Raiders went and signed defunct QB Jeff George on August 28; however, leaving only a scarce window of opportunity for Joe Theisman to assert that George should be the Raiders’ starting QB, his ass was cut five days later. Nice move, Raiders. The Raiders brought back Art Shell as head coach after being jilted by Steelers offensive coordinator Ken Wisenhunt. Sadly, Shell's 1990-style baseball cap did not make the return. Randy Moss’s inaugural season in Oakland was a huge disappointment, and NFL fans are starting to forget that Moss was perhaps the best player in the NFL only two seasons ago. A lot will depend on Moss’s relationship with Aaron Brooks, the quarterback who has been the subject of ridicule amongst fans who thought that he was on the verge of greatness only a year ago. Former Arizona State QB Andrew Walter waits in the wings for Brooks to be benched. Jerry Porter got off on the wrong foot with Shell during the off-season, but the Raiders traded away Doug Gabriel, their only other option to start opposite Randy Moss, so it appears that Porter has made amends with the team. In the running department, Oakland’s dysfunctional offense prevented LaMont Jordan from reaching his potential in 2005 - the same could be true of 2006. Last year the Raiders had the 27th ranked defense, but they did little to improve it, except for selecting Longhorns safety Michael Huff in the first round of the NFL Draft. Don’t expect great things from the silver and black this year, folks. In the AFC West the Raiders are going to stick out like a sore thumb.

2006 Season Preview: #26 Tennessee Titans

2006-09-05T17:27:00.001-04:00

This will be the first year the Titans/Oilers will be without Steve McNair since 1995. I suppose he will be missed, but to be honest, I think a little more should have been expected of McNair's NFL career. Between the two years it took McNair to become a competent NFL QB, and the last few years that have been riddled with injuries, McNair has actually had a very short period of time when he could be considered to be in his prime. Jeff Fisher, Norm Chow and associates apparently are not happy with what they saw from McNair's replacement, Billy Volek, in the preseason, and as a result Tennessee commissioned the erection of Kerry Collins in the Titans’ backfield. The Collins signing was puzzling, but it must be assumed that it was motivated by the desire to get Vince Young on the field sooner rather than later. The Titans, the epitome of a team with solid, underrated players, gambled in the off-season by bringing in two make-or-break players in QB Vince Young and RB LenDale White. David Givens was also added and he will team with Drew Bennett as the starting wide receivers for the Titans. On defense, Steelers cast-off Chris Hope will patrol the outfield this season, and with two up-and-coming defensive stars in CB Pacman Jones and DE Kyle Vanden Bosch, the Titans should improve upon their 19th ranked defense of 2005. Under Jeff Fisher you can't count on the Titans being down for very long. It appears inevitable that the Titans will have a losing season in 2006. This team’s long-term fate, however, will depend on when/if Young and White mature into the players that can lead a top-tier NFL offense. The best case scenario for this team would be a carbon copy of the Dolphins' 2005 campaign - a young team that struggles early but keeps fighting and ends the season on a postive note and with a clear vision of their future.

2006 Season Preview: #27 Green Bay Packers

2006-09-05T17:17:00.001-04:00

Ok, I've been extremely bad about writing these previews. Because the season starts in two days, the rest of the teams are going to be done in an abbreviated format. Hopefully I'll have them all done by Sunday, or at the very least by early next week.

There’s nothing sadder than a faded superstar that hasn’t realized that nobody gives a shit about him anymore (see Smith, Emmitt). Brett Favre may have been the savior of the Green Bay Packers in the 1990s, but he is preventing the Packers from entering a rebuilding mode that they desperately need right now. As a fan, I would like to see Favre suffer the indignity of spending the waning years of his career in a Texans jersey so there will be another humiliating photo to show with the montage of Joe Namath as a Ram, Franco Harris as a Seahawk, Willie Mays as a Met, and Michael Jordan as a Wizard. With or without Favre, the Packers aren't a very good team. Ahman Green is in his eighth season as a pro and is coming off a season-ending knee injury, so his ability to carry the load this season has been justifiably questioned. Samkon Gado was able to secure role of Green's backup, and the Packers released Najeh Davenport as a result. Javon Walker was traded to the Broncos in the off-season due to his alienation with Brett Favre. Donald Driver is not exciting, but he will suffice as a starting wide-out in the NFL. The player to watch will be Greg Jennings, a rookie WR from Western Michigan who has been the star of the Packers' preseason. The one common denominator for all the teams at the bottom of this list is a shitty run defense, and that is true for the Packers as well. Rookie linebacker A.J. Hawk is struggling after being tagged as the draft's surest bet in April. On the other hand, he is nailing Brady Quinn’s sister, so he’s got that going for him. The Packers suck once again this year and will have the distinction of being the doormat of the NFL’s worst division.

2006 Season Preview: #28 Cleveland Browns

2006-08-14T16:06:00.000-04:00

The Browns are the most pathetic franchise in the history of the NFL. Example: last season this team got throttled by the Steelers 41-0 in Week 16. The tradition will continue in 2006 when the Browns, the rear admirals of the AFC North, finish last once again.

What happened last year: Romeo Crennel's inaugural campaign with the Browns went exactly as most expected it would. Crennel managed to extract a hint of promise from the Browns, but, ultimately, even the beloved apprentice of Bill Belichick could not change the fact that his squad was stocked with shitty players. The most glaring weakness for the Browns was at the QB position, where rookie Charlie Frye from Akron took over the job that Trent Dilfer, a player who has made a career out of being just good enough not to be fired, could not finish. In the running department, Reuben Droughns ran for 1232 yards, but scored only two touchdowns, indicative of a team that scored fewer points than every other team in the NFL. First-round draft pick from Michigan, Braylon Edwards, caught 32 balls for 512 yards and three TDs in ten games before tearing his ACL in December, and 2004 first-rounder, TE Kellen Winslow, Jr., missed the entire season after he crashed his motorcycle while popping wheelies in a parking lot in May. Defensively, the Browns fielded the fourth best pass defense, although much of that ranking was due to the fact that teams preferred to run against the Browns' 30th ranked rush defense. The Browns scattered six wins throughout their season, which is respectable, but barely so, in the NFL. What has changed: The Browns were active early and often in the free agent market, beginning by signing perhaps the most coveted free agent of the off-season in center LeCharles Bentley from New Orleans. Under the file of shit that could only happen to the Browns, however, Bentley suffered a season-ending knee injury during the first 11-on-11 drill of Browns' training camp. On top of that, the expected replacement, Bob Hallen, conveniently decided to retire two weeks later. As of the date of this article, it appears the Browns are shit out of luck at the center position for 2006. Romeo Crennel also lured Willie McGinest to Cleveland from New England, which should help the Browns complete their conversion into a 3-4 defense. The Browns continued their spending spree by signing Cleveland-native Joe Jurevicius, one of the most trustworthy receivers in the NFL, and nose tackle Ted Washington from Oakland amongst their other veteran additions. The Browns used their first two picks in the draft on defense, taking OLB Kamerion Wimbley from Florida State with the 13th pick, and ILB D'Qwell Jackson from Maryland in the second round. With these two picks, and Edwards and Winslow presumably returning at full strength on offense, the Browns should have a pretty impressive influx of young talent on both sides of the ball.

What will happen this season: Speaking as a Steelers fan, the Browns don't scare me at all. Although they are a much more dangerous team under Romeo Crennel than they ever were under Butch Davis, this team is going to have to do better than Charlie Frye at QB to threaten in the AFC. The Browns scored the fewest points in 2005 and ranked last in red zone offense, and because one of the hardest things for a young quarterback to do is to score touchdowns, I don't see the Browns improving much in this regard. This is especially true with the question marks on the offensive line. The Browns will likely win another six games in 2006 and finish last in the AFC North. The good news for the Browns is that in a year they will be better than the Ravens.

2006 Season Preview: #29 Buffalo Bills

2006-08-10T16:26:00.000-04:00

Wow, this team got bad in a hurry. The Buffalo Bills are proof of how an unsettled quarterback situation can put you in a big-time hole in the NFL.

What happened last year: The Bills came out on opening day in 2005 sporting the old school OJ uniforms and summarily kicked the shit out of the Houston Texans. Bills fans had to have a good feeling considering that they were coming off a season in which they won eight of their last ten games. However, the Week 1 victory would be the high point of the season for Buffalo. The Bills won only four more games in 2005. While the sputtering offense that ranked 28th in the league was not a surprise, the real shocker was that the defense, which ranked 2nd in the NFL in 2004, ended the season as the fourth worst in 2005, mainly due to the fact that the Bills allowed 137.8 rushing yards per game. The Bills were unable to find an answer at the quarterback position in 2005, with second-year player J.P. Losman starting the first four games, free agent acquisition Kelly Holcomb starting the next four, Losman starting the next five, and Holcomb starting the final three. Between the two of them, the Bills had only four 200+ yard passing performances, including a single 300+ yard game. Running back Willis McGahee failed to meet the high expectations that he had created with his performance late in the 2004 season. McGahee ran for 1247 yards, but had only five touchdowns, and with no significant contribution coming from his backup, he was unable to carry the impotent Buffalo offense. Lee Evans, a second-year receiver from Wisconsin, emerged as the number one target of the Bills' two-headed monster of a quarterback. The substandard outcome for the 2005 version of the Bills promised wholesale change within the Bills' organization.

What has changed: What better way is there to signal a fresh start for your franshise than bringing back an 81-year-old former head coach as general manager and vice president of football operations? Marv Levy, most notorious for going 0-4 in the Super Bowl as head coach of the Bills from 1986 to 1997, returned to football in January, although he did not assume coaching responsibilities, as many suspected he would. Head coach Mike Mularkey read the writing on the wall and resigned a week after Levy's appointment. Replacing Mularkey is former Bears coach and Yale alumnus Dick Jauron. On the personnel front, the Bills focused their attention on rebuilding their defense. Defensive tackle Sam Adams was cut as a casualty of the salary cap mess in early March, as was safety Lawyer Milloy. The main free agent pick-up for the Bills on defense was DT Larry Tripplett from Indianapolis. The Bills stockpiled defensive bodies in the draft by taking strong safety Donte Whitner from Ohio State, DT John McCargo from NC State, CB Ashton Youboty from Ohio State, FS Ko Simpson from South Carolina, and Kyle Williams, a DT from LSU. On offense, the Bills added C Melvin Fowler and OG Tutan Reyes to upgrade the offensive line. Peerless Price is also returning to the Bills to try to recapture his glory years. Finally, the Bills bought a ticket for the A-Train, Anthony Thomas, in order to give the Bills a competent counterpart to Willis McGahee.

What will happen this season: The Bills won't be good. They have serious issues with their quarterback play, and that alone is enough to sink a team in the NFL. The defense is a work in progress, although it will benefit with the return of Takeo Spikes to middle linebacker. Buffalo will be neck and neck with the Jets all season for last place in the AFC East. When all is said and done, the Bills will definitely be picking in the top ten in the draft next April, with a decent chance that they will be in the top five. The Bills fans, however, have no other choice than to sit back and watch their team suck because, after all, there isn't shit to do in Buffalo. Luckily, most residents of Buffalo are just happy to have an NFL team.

2006 Season Preview: #30 New York Jets

2006-08-06T23:15:00.000-04:00

Just when it looked like the biggest joke in the NFL was on the verge of becoming legit, the Jets turned in a classically pitiful effort in 2005. Football fans can rest easy knowing that the lovable losers known as the J-E-T-S will continue to embarrass themselves and their fans for at least a few more years.

What happened last season: The 2005 New York Jets campaign can be summed up in two words: unmitigated disaster. After losing to the Steelers in overtime of the 2004 divisional round of the playoffs, the Jets entered last season with visions of an AFC Championship in their head. In retrospect, however, there were many troubling moves prior to the 2005 season that depleted the talent on the team and helped lead to the hopeless situation the Jets now find themselves in. The first dubious move occurred when the Jets decided to place the franchise tag on John Abraham and allow LaMont Jordan to leave via free agency for the Raiders. The other highly questionable decision was trading their first round pick in 2005 for TE Doug Jolley and a second round pick. The Jets used their second-round pick on kicker Mike Nugent and missed the opportunity to grab the next great tight end in the league in Heath Miller. Proving that the Jets could do nothing right, they traded Santana Moss to Washington for Laveranues Coles. Coles caught 73 balls for 845 yards and five touchdowns for the Jets; Moss had 84 receptions for 1483 yards with nine TDs and represented the 'Skins in the Pro Bowl. The detrimental effect these moves had on the team was apparent in 2005 when the Jets' offense ranked 31st in the NFL. Granted, the Jets were extremely unlucky that they were forced to rely on Brooks Bollinger to man the helm after Chad Pennington and Jay Fiedler suffered major injuries within minutes of each other, but the entire offensive regime was a house of cards to begin with. Considering the lack of any reliable receivers and with no quality back-up behind the decrepit Curtis Martin, it was no wonder that the Jets could get nothing going on offense. Ultimately, the Jets' 4-12 season triggered a massive overhaul of the Jets' roster, coaching staff, and front office. It is safe to say the Jets are starting from scratch this season and it will be several more years before it will be a team to take seriously again.

What has changed: From the moment the Jets walked off the field in Week 17, everyone knew a shitload of changes were in store for this team. The first, and probably most controversial, was the departure of affable head coach Herm Edwards for Kansas City - a move that left a bitter taste in the mouth for many Jets fans. Chosen to replace Edwards was Bill Belichick's young understudy, Eric Mangina [sic]. The Jets also replaced incompetent GM Terry Bradway with Mike Tannenbaum. The youth movement, affectionately known as Tanngini, didn't take long to make its impression on the roster, first by signing Patrick Ramsey to compete with Pennington for the starting QB spot, and later by trading the disgruntled John Abraham to Atlanta. The Jets also added reliable vets such as Tim Dwight, WR from San Diego via the Patriots, Andre Dyson, CB from Seattle, and Kimo von Oelhoffen, DE/destroyer of ACLs from the one and only Pittsburgh Steelers. There was a lot of pressure on the new-look Jets to make a splash in the draft by taking either Vince Young or Matt Leinart. The Jets, however, remembered that patience is indeed a virtue and used the draft to rebuild their offensive line around D'Brickashaw Ferguson from Virginia and Nick Mangold from Ohio State. Contrary to popular belief, Mangold is not related to Dorothy Mantooth, a woman who, by all accounts, is a saint. The Jets also drafted QB Kellen Clemens in the second round of the draft, and he is already competing with Pennington and Ramsey for the starting job.

What will happen this season: It would be foolish to expect this team to make any huge strides this year. If ever a team were in rebuilding mode, it is the Jets. The Jets will basically use the 2006 season to provide experience for their young players, find out if any of their QBs are worth investing in, and lose a lot of games to try to get as high a draft pick as possible so they can grab a stud running back to replace Curtis Martin. The Jets defense is good enough that, if they can get their offense figured out, the Jets will be back in contention within two or three years. In the mean time, however, expect a three-win season with the Jets picking in the top three of the 2007 draft. Jets fans are used to seasons that amount to nothing, so this season should be nothing new.

2006 Season Preview: #31 Houston Texans

2006-08-04T17:33:00.000-04:00

The Texans are almost as shitty as the 49ers. To make matters worse, the Texans squandered their horrendous season by completely fucking up their draft.

What happened last season: It's hard to imagine it today, but after going 7-9 in 2004, it wasn't unthinkable a year ago that the Texans could make the playoffs in 2005. Instead, the Texans posted the worst record in the NFL at 2-14, with their only victories coming against such lowly competition as the Browns and Cardinals. The Texans ranked 30th in total offense and 31st in total defense. The story on the offensive side of the ball was the inability of David Carr to cross the threshold of NFL quarterback mediocrity. Carr led the Texans to the 31st ranked passing attack, and although the offensive line was no help, Carr has had decent running support and a potential Pro Bowler at receiver in Andre Johnson to aid him. Good quarterbacks can do a lot more with a lot less. While there is still optimism in Houston that Carr will develop into the franchise QB he was expected to be, the bottom line is that after his fourth year as starter Carr's career appears to be a much closer approximation of Tim Couch's legacy than Peyton Manning's. Defensively, the Texans fielded the most porous run stopping unit in the NFL, a fact that must have been particularly troubling to ex-head coach and renowned defensive guru, Dom Capers. The Texans' season was very quickly rendered a joke, but once the scope of the disaster was apparent, the Texans made all the right moves by mailing in the rest of the season, which enabled them to lock up the number one pick in the draft with a miraculous loss to the 49ers on the last weekend of the season. Despite the reprehensible play of their team, Texans fans were privately rejoicing their victory in the Reggie Bush Sweepstakes because they knew their woes would soon be assuaged by the addition of one of the most exciting players to enter the league in years. However, that leads us to...

What has changed: The Texans drafted Mario Williams with the first fucking pick in the draft! The only possible explanation for how the Texans could have passed up on Reggie Bush is an intelligence failure at all levels of the organization. It was a decision that can only be described as Isiahthomasesque. It is easy to blame Charley Casserly because he was ultimately the one responsible for the unconscionable decision to take Mario Williams with the top pick. However, Texans owner Bob McNair shares equal culpability. How could he just sit back and let Casserly completely fuck up the most important decision in the history of the franchise before his eyes? The worst part of the whole situation was that the Texans fired Casserly in May. How can anyone in the Texans' organization sleep at night knowing that a lame duck GM single-handedly sucked the collective football zeal from both the team and the city of Houston? Even if the Texans weren't convinced that Reggie Bush was second coming of Gayle Sayers, there was such a universal consensus that Reggie Bush was by far the best prospect in the draft that the Texans really had no choice but to take him and hope that the rest of the world was right. Even if Bush turned out to be a bust, no one could blame the Texans for taking him. At the very least, they could have traded down a few spots and picked up some sort of compensation in exchange for settling on the fourth or fifth best player in the draft. Instead, they took Mario Williams, a defensive lineman from North Carolina State. I'm sure Williams is a fine player, but a defensive lineman has to be really fucking good to justify being taken number one overall. I apologize for the rant. I just wanted to get all of that on the record just in case Charley Casserly googles "Charley Casserly is a huge asshole" or something like that. The other notable additions for the Texans this offseason were the free agent signings of LB Sam Cowart from Minnesota, C Mike Flannagan from Green Bay, WR Eric Moulds from Buffalo, TE Jeb Putzier from Denver and DE Anthony Weaver from Baltimore. The Texans also fired head coach Dom Capers and replaced him with Denver offensive coordinator Gary Kubiac, who, for no reason other than my inherent immaturity, I will refer to from now on as Gary Pube-iac.

What will happen this season: With all that being said, the Texans were better than a two-win team last year. It wouldn't be surprising to see Houston win anywhere from four to six games this season. The draft aside, the Texans made some respectable moves in free agency, and the Texans will undoubtedly field a better team this season. Eric Moulds isn't any good these days, but Cowart, Weaver and their draft picks should be able to solidify their defense and keep them out of the statistical cellar. Andre Johnson and Domanick Davis will continue to be effective, but David Carr needs to make things happen this year on offense for this team to be successful, and I just don't see it happening. If Carr doesn't break out this season, look for the Texans to enter the starting quarterback market, perhaps eyeing Ohio State's Troy Smith, who could be next year's Vince Young. The most disheartening thing for the Texans is that there seems to be no long-term plan in effect. This team doesn't have a legit franchise player to build around, and the Texans will continue to be one of the most boring and least impressive teams in the NFL until they get another opportunity to sign a brand-name player like Reggie Bush.

2006 Season Preview: #32 San Francisco 49ers

2006-08-03T19:08:00.000-04:00

Editor's Note: This post constitutes part one of a thirty-two-part series that will serve as a preview for the 2006 season by counting down each NFL team, beginning with shittiest team (the 49ers) and ending with the fucking awesomest team (the Steelers).

The honor of being professional football’s shittiest team goes to the San Francisco 49ers. This team sucks.

What happened last season: Last year was a season to forget for the 49ers. Although they did not have the worst record in the NFL, there is little doubt that no team has fewer reasons for optimism than San Francisco. The 49ers ranked last in total offense and total defense, and they suffered through losing streaks of five and seven games. Last year’s number one overall pick, quarterback Alex Smith, was an embarrassment for the 49ers, but in all fairness it is difficult to think of a worse situation into which a rookie quarterback could be placed. Because the only other options at QB were Ken Dorsey and Cody Pickett, it meant that Smith was going to be forced into action before he was anywhere near ready to run a professional football team. The big question is whether Smith will ever be able to recover from the emotional scarring of last year’s experience. Kevan Barlow was missing in action at running back most of the year, and by the end of the season it appeared as though rookie Frank Gore had the inside track on being the team’s starter. Wide receiver Brandon Lloyd was perhaps the 49ers' only noteworthy player, but his spectacular catches were a mere sideshow to the 49ers' pathetic season. Defensively, it will suffice to say that the 49ers were the worst team at stopping the pass in the NFL and allowed more points than all but two teams.

What has changed: The 49ers took the unorthodox approach to improving their team by ridding themselves of their two best players in LB Julian Peterson and WR Brandon Lloyd. Apparently the 49ers are so dedicated to fielding a shitty team this season that they don’t want to pay the salaries of any worthwhile veteran players. The front office did, however, open their wallets for washed-up journeymen and vets staving off retirement. The Niners brought in Trent Dilfer as a much needed mentor and backstop to Alex Smith. Cornerback Walt Harris and OT Larry Allen were among the other notable highlights of the 49ers’ off-season acquisitions, not to mention Antonio Bryant, who will couple with Arnaz Battle to form a WR combo that will ingnite fits of laughter in defensive coordinators throughout the NFL. In the draft the 49ers took tight end Vernon Davis from Maryland with the fifth overall pick. It is a little surprising that Mike Nolan and company felt that tight end was their most pressing concern considering the utter lack of talent at every position on this team. San Francisco spent its second first-round pick on combine phenom linebacker Manny Lawson from North Carolina State. The 49ers should have had the balls to use their two first round picks to move up in the draft to get Reggie Bush. He would have been the perfect fit for San Francisco and would have helped make up for last year’s first-round dud, Alex Smith. The lack of concern over the deficiencies at key positions must be very galling for 49ers fans, if there are still any left.

What will happen this season: The theme for the 49ers' season, according to their official website, is "Faithful." Not exactly a ringing endoresment. It's pretty much asking their fans to accept their shittiness with the hope that eventually things will turn out alright for their team. I'm quite sure that things are not going to be alright with the 49ers this year. If this team wins more than four games this season, it will be a fucking miracle. My suggestion to the 49ers is to sign the retarded kid that hit all those three pointers in a high school game a few months ago. He couldn't really do any worse than any of their current players.

Slow News Day

2006-07-18T14:47:00.000-04:00

Since we're in the pre-training camp lull that is late July, I thoughy I would throw out a topic to try to spark a lively debate: Who's going to kick the bucket first, Barbaro or Peter Gammons? Although things looked bleak for a while for each of these venerable sports icons, it appears now that there is reason to be cautiously optimistic about their respective futures. As far as seriousness of injuries goes, I figure that a broken leg for a race horse is probably the functional equivalent of a brain aneurysm for a baseball analyst, and, despite a 58-year age difference between the two, you have to assume that the over/under on each of their remaining life spans is five or six years, even if they make a full recovery. I have to tell you, I think this is as close to a pick 'em as you can get, but I'd like to hear what the rest of the world thinks.

Big Ben Update

2006-06-15T14:12:00.000-04:00

The big guy is out of the hospital and eating soft foods. It looks like the only real consequence of the accident was massive facial injuries, which, as a very selfish football fan, I would prefer any day to him fucking up his knees or arms. So, despite the seriousness of his accident, it appears that Big Ben will be ready to play for the season opener. If the rest of the NFL was looking forward to a Steelers squad without a healthy Roethlisberger, it looks like they're out of luck. Long live Big Ben!

Oh My God!

2006-06-12T14:11:00.000-04:00

News of Ben Roethlisberger's motorcycle accident has caught me a little off guard. Although it may be premature, I think that the only appropriate response at this time is a '06 version of Candle in the Wind in honor of Big Ben. Get well soon!

Goodbye Ben Roethlisberger
Though I never knew you at all
You had the grace to hold yourself
While those around you crawled
They crawled out of the woodwork
And they whispered into your brain
They set you on the treadmill
And they made you change your name

And it seems to me you lived your life
Like a candle in the wind
Never knowing who to cling to
When the rain set in
And I would have liked to have known you
But I was just a kid
Your candle burned out long before
Your legend ever did

Loneliness was tough
The toughest role you ever played
Pittsburgh created a superstar
And pain was the price you paid
Even when you almost died
Oh the press still hounded you
All the papers had to say
Was that Big Ben was found without a helmet on

Goodbye Ben Roethlisberger
From the young man in the 22nd row
Who sees you as something more than sexual*
More than just our Big Ben.

* That line is a little weird, but it might work if Elton John is singing it.

What an Idiot

2006-06-04T17:21:00.000-04:00

The Steelers visited the White House on Friday. It's hard for me to get too excited about being honored by George W. Bush. By they way, what the hell was Bush talking about when he made a joke about Joey Porter's "new dance?" As far as I can tell, the only way that remark makes even the slightest bit of sense would be if he actually had been thinking about Chad Johnson when he made it. I guess when you hate all black people, like George Bush does, you don't have bother with little things like differentiating one obnoxious black athlete from another obnoxious black athlete, even when they play for rival teams. I haven't seen anything this embarrassing since George Costanza insisted that Mr. Morgan looked exactly like Sugar Ray Leonard.

Hey, Assholes

2006-05-14T19:40:00.000-04:00

Big Ben: A Real Cheesehead

2006-05-05T16:34:00.000-04:00

As any idiot could tell you, under the Treaty of Westphalia in 1648, the nations of Europe officially recognized Switzerland's independence from the Holy Roman Empire, thus ensuring the federation's desire for political and military neutrality. For 358 years the Swiss people have stood firm in their conviction to isolationism in the face of conflicts that have engulfed the entire globe, from the French Revolution and Napoleonic wars all the way through both World Wars and the Iron Curtain. But, shockingly, in 2006 the Swiss have finally broken their long-standing pledge of neutrality by aligning itself with a force so undeniably powerful that the proud Swiss nation is willing to turn its back on a centuries-old policy to guarantee that it won't be the next victim in the path of this unstoppable killing machine. As you probably have guessed by now, I'm talking about the new unholy alliance between Switzerland and the Steelers' own Ben Roethlisberger.

The nation of Switzerland has apparently become the newest corporate sponsor of Big Ben. To prove that Europeans have no idea what marketing is all about, check out this bizarre interview with some website called Swissroots.org, dedicated to spreading word of the rich cultural heritage of the Swiss people. As I read the article I couldn't help but think, "since when did the Swiss have any sense of national dignity?" I had always thought Switzerland prided itself on being the place where people went when they were sick of their own countries. Did you know that Jewel and Cyndi Lauper are both Swiss? George Lucas and Jim Caviezel (you may know him as Jesus Christ from the big screen) are Swiss as well. Who would have guessed? The honor of being the "face of Switzerland," however, goes to No. 7. While the interview is chockfull of stupid questions and awkward answers, the highlight has to be when Big Ben's exclaims, "I'm sure the people of Switzerland would love it if I eventually married Miss Switzerland!" I say good for Ben for humoring these naïve Euros to get a free trip to Switzerland. Between this and Hines Ward's visit to Korea, it is evident that the Steelers players are milking their Super Bowl victory for all it is worth.

Draft: Day One

2006-04-29T23:03:00.000-04:00

Here is a quick rundown of day one of the NFL draft, for those of you who give a shit...

Pittsburgh Steelers (15-5, Super Bowl Champs)

Round One
25. Santonio Holmes, WR, Ohio State

Round Three
19 (83). Anthony Smith, FS, Syracuse
31 (95). Willie Reid, WR, Florida State

Brilliant draft as usual for the best in the business. Not only is Holmes the best receiver in the draft, he was also one of the only players available that will be able to immediately contribute for the Steelers. Holmes is going to prove to be a much better receiver than Randle-El. While they gave up a third and fourth rounder to move up, the Steelers traded their second round pick to the Vikings for two third-round picks, and in the end the Steelers moved up seven spots in the first, moved down from the bottom of the second to the middle of the third, and moved up one spot at the end of the third. Willie Reid is going to be a very dangerous kick returner.

New York Giants (11-6, First Round Playoff Losers)

Round One
32. Mathias Kiwanuka, DE, Boston College

Round Two
12 (44). Sinorice Moss, WR, Miami

Round Three
32 (96). Gerris Wilkinson, ILB, Georgia Tech

Mathias Kiwanuka seemed like a rather uninspired first-round pick. What's the deal with Tom Coughlin and guys from BC? A lot of analysts had Moss ranked above Kiwanuka, so if you think of the Giants as having taken Moss at 32 and Kiwanuka in the second round, you can probably call the day a success.

Chicago Bears (11-6, Second Round Playoff Losers)

Round Two
10 (42). Danieal Manning, CB, Abilene Christian
25 (57). Devin Hester, WR, Miami

Round Three
9 (73). Dusty Dvoracek, DT, Oklahoma

Why? After signing Ricky Manning, Jr., I guess the Bears are just trying to sign as many dudes named Manning as they can in hopes they're related to Archie. How about drafting someone to help your pitiful offense? When all you have to show for your first three picks is a kick returner it makes you wonder how long it's going to be until the Bears return back to the cellar.

Happy NFL Draft 2006!

2006-04-29T10:51:00.000-04:00

My favorite day of the year has come once again. I am anxiously awaiting to see who will become the next treasured members of the Steelers family, and I'm sure every other football fan is doing the same for their respective team. The Steelers have the 32nd pick by virtue of being the best football team in the universe, but I don't mind the wait because I'll probably watch all ten hours of draft coverage today anyway. I have complete confidence that the Steelers will have a stellar draft as usual. As for the non-Steelers fans out there, may all your picks turn out to be Ben Roethlisbergers and Troy Polamalus and not Ron Daynes, Cade McNowns and Curtis Enises.

Griese Joins Bears

2006-03-26T14:28:00.000-05:00

It's time to look forward to the 2006 Season. Without a doubt, the Bears' recent addition of former Broncos QB Brian Griese puts the Bears as the early favorite for Super Bowl 41. Prove me wrong mother fucker. That gives da Bears two legit qb's; so what if one of them goes down. Plus, all the other key starters from last year are firmly entrenched as returning starters. Also, figure last year's rook Cedric Benson will play a lot more this year. Welcome to the new look Chicago Bears.

Super Bowl Champs

2006-02-06T11:48:00.000-05:00

Well, the Steelers are officially the best football team in the universe. Even all the crying about the refs isn't enough to ruin this day for me. For those of you who are interested in how I celebrated my first Super Bowl victory, you'll be glad to know it was nothing less than championship style looting. After the game I partied in the streets of Brooklyn flipping over cars and setting fire to news stands. It was awesome and I now have half a dozen desk appearance tickets. I don't really have the words to explain myself right now, but once I do I'll be sure to write some shit down and post it.

One For the Thumb

2006-02-03T12:28:00.000-05:00

Super Bowl XL is now a little more than 48 hours away, and it is finally starting to feel more like a football game than a media spectacle. I am really sick of all the hype at this point, but I can't seem to tear myself away from the TV. I've pretty much taken the entire week off and glued myself to ESPN to watch all the press conferences, analysis, and other ridiculous bullshit that has been going on in Detroit. I usually don't pay too much attention to pre-game analyses because, first of all, they usually suck, and second of all, even when they are well done, they still don't tell you anything about what's going to happen. In my opinion, football is a game of performance rather than match-ups, and no one can predict how two teams will fare against each other on a given Sunday until they are actually out on the field playing the game. With that being said, however, here are some of factors that will be key in Super Bowl XL.

Steelers Pass Rush - A lot has been said by and about Joey Porter this week, and he has come to represent the Steelers' aggressive zone-blitz scheme. As everyone knows, Walter Jones, the Seattle left tackle, is one of the best offensive linemen in the NFL, and Joey Porter's ability to get to the QB will definitely be more difficult if Jones is in the way. But I think the beauty of the Steelers defensive scheme is in creating mismatches, and because of this Porter will still be in the Seahawks backfield enough to disrupt the passing game on Sunday. The reason the Steelers are so effective at pressuring the QB is because of their defensive line, especially Casey Hampton. Like every other team the Steelers face, Seattle is going to have to double-team Hampton, which means that the Seahawks are going to have to dedicate four offensive linemen to block three Steelers defensive linemen. That leaves one offensive lineman, a tight end and a back to block the other blitzing players. The problem, however, is that it is impossible to tell who the other pass rushers will be, and Dick LeBeau will be trying to take advantage of the poor blocking of Shaun Alexander and Jerramy Stevens as much as possible. And even when the Seahawks guess right and pick up the blitz, players like Aaron Smith, Kimo von Oelhoffen, Clark Haggans, Joey Porter, James Farrior and Troy Polamalu are good enough to shed their blockers and make a play regardless. Hasselbeck is athletic enough to avoid sacks, and Holmgren will likely create a game plan that will call for short passes to minimize the time Hasselbeck stands in the pocket. The key for the Steelers will be in forcing the Seahawks into third-and-long situations, which is when LeBeau really uncorks his most innovative and devastating blitz packages.

Seahawks Running Game - This season Seattle running back Shaun Alexander led the league in rushing with 1880 yards and set the NFL record for TDs in a season with 27 on his way to being named league MVP. Alexander is the type of player that fantasy football nerds love - in fact, if you see some random dude wearing an Alexander jersey out in public there is a better chance that he has Alexander on his fantasy football squad than that he is a Seahawks fan. Alexander is a big and fast, but is also a little soft. A huge blow to Alexander's reputation as a dominant football player occurred in the second round game against the Redskins, when the Seahawks' offense managed to continue moving the ball with Maurice Morris at RB after Alexander suffered a concussion and missed virtually the entire game. This is not to say that Seattle's running game won't be a factor against the Steelers, because Seattle is definitely going to try to establish the run. The point is that Alexander's numbers are more a product of Seattle's offensive line than his individual talent. The Steelers are perhaps the best run-stopping team in the NFL. The Steelers allowed only one RB to gain over 100 yards this season, and only one other RB gained over 80 yards against the Steelers' defense. The reason for this is that the Steelers are very good tacklers. They swarm towards the ball and gang tackle near the line of scrimmage. The linebackers, safeties and corners (and also apparently their quarterbacks) are excellent open-field tacklers as well. The only way Shaun Alexander will have a big game against the Steelers is if they uncharacteristically miss a lot of tackles. Shaun Alexander is big and tough to bring down, but he isn't really considered powerful, so I don't think the Steelers, who managed to hold players like LaDainian Tomlinson, Rudi Johnson, Jamal Lewis, Thomas Jones, and Mike Anderson in check, will be intimidated by the NFL's MVP in Super Bowl XL.

Quarterbacks - Many people have been calling this match-up a draw this week, but I just don't see how anyone can discount what Roethlisberger has done down the stretch this season. During the Steelers' current seven-game winning streak they have averaged 28.7 points per game, and most of that must be attributed to Roethlisberger's performance at QB. Big Ben has thrown for 680 yards, 7 TDs (plus one running TD), and 1 interception in the Steelers' three playoff games. Not only that, but his poise and leadership have propelled the Steelers to early leads in their last two games. Hasselbeck has been efficient in his two playoff starts, but it must be remembered that they played in the comfort of home against two teams that were really banged up. Hasselbeck has not won a playoff game on the road in his career. Big Ben has won three. Ben Roethlisberger's record as a starter in the NFL is 27-4; of those four losses, two came against the Patriots and one came against the Colts. Big Ben has the potential to be the NFL's next superstar, and he has the confidence to make it happen now. He has already faced some of the toughest tests he will ever face in his NFL career and came out on top. Hasselbeck will be playing the biggest game of his career in a hostile environment against a team that made Peyton look like Eli and exposed Jake Plummer for a fraud. Hasselbeck will get rattled, and when he does the Steelers will go for his jugular.

The Steelers are four point favorites even though they are the AFC's number six team and the Seahawks are the NFC's best team. The AFC was clearly the better conference this year. The Colts, Patriots, Bengals, Broncos, Steelers, Chargers and Chiefs would all have been favored over any team from the NFC. The fact that the Steelers have won seven games in a row, and have looked impressive doing it, gives further justification to the spread. The Seahawks are a product of a weak schedule. They went 13-3 in the regular season, but had no quality wins, and they should have lost to the Giants and Cowboys. Four of their wins came against the 49ers and Cardinals. As far as how the 'Hawks fared against their AFC opponents, they lost to Jacksonville, barely beat Tennessee (28-24), killed Houston and beat Indy when they were resting all their starters. In the playoffs they beat the Redskins and the Panthers, both of whom were very beat up entering the games. The Steelers recorded quality wins against the Chargers (in SD), Bengals (in Cincy) and Bears (in Pitt). The Steelers swept the NFC North in four easy wins, and as everyone knows by now, the Steelers knocked off the top three seeds in the AFC on their way to the Super Bowl. The much heralded "12th Man" will not help the Seahawks in the Super Bowl. In fact, with Detroit's proximity to Pittsburgh, the Steelers' nation-wide fan base, the distance between Seattle and Detroit, and the Bettis coming home story, the Steelers could potentially have one of the biggest home field advantages in recent Super Bowl history on Sunday.

Although I like the way things are shaping up for the Steelers, I can't help but be extremely nervous about the game. I have visions in my head of the Seahawks stunning the world and it has been making me lose sleep all week. One thought, however, consoles me: defense wins championships. That is what really separates these two teams. The Seahawks defense is adequate, but the Steelers defense is dominating, and that will be the reason why the Steelers prevail. Even if the Steelers were playing the 49ers in Week 9 I would be a nervous wreck before the game. This is the Super Bowl and the stakes are as high as they can be. This is what having a favorite team is all about. I have faith that the Steelers will come out and play like they have all season. If they do, it will be good enough to win the Super Bowl. My pick is Steelers 31, Seahawks 13.

Big Ben Is the Man

2006-02-01T14:06:00.000-05:00

Check this shit out.

The Week Without Football

2006-01-31T14:06:00.000-05:00

I was planning on writing a ton of shit about the Super Bowl last week, but I really never got around to it. I was actually trying not to think about it too much since I didn't want to get really excited only to find out that the sports highlight of the weekend would be the Buick Open. The week before the Super Bowl is always depressing. Most football fans already have seen their team's season end, and the extra week is a sneak preview of the hollow shell that will be their lives after the big game is over. It wasn't any easier for me. I sort of expected the media to shower the Steelers with praise all week, but, after an initial outpouring of love for the Black and Gold on Monday, everyone seemed to stop talking about the Super Bowl. With the Steelers season still unresolved and no outlet to release my anxiety in the near future, it turned out to be a very unsatisfactory week for me.

But now the Super Bowl has officially turned into a spectacle. Even with so much attention on the Steelers, it is a little nauseating. Unless they're talking about football (which nobody really does), there really isn't a whole lot to say. Most of the so-called "stories" - like Jerome Bettis playing in his home town and the Steelers deciding to wear their road jerseys - are really nothing more than sentences. The NFL, however, loves when people talk about the Super Bowl and on the Tuesday before the Super Bowl it holds what is known as Media Day, the day when the players on both teams make themselves available to every half-ass media outlet in the world, and ESPN sits and waits for even the faintest scent of controversy so they can blow it completely out of proportion. Nobody on the Steelers, however, gave the media any fuel for their frenzy. Even Joey Porter was remarkably restrained. As far as the Steelers players goes, the highlight of the interviews was Antwaan Randle-El talking about where his name would be found in the phone book and how the credit card offers he got in the mail were addressed to Randle El. Troy Polamalu was the most impressive guy on the Steelers. It's hard to believe that someone who appeared so calm, articulate and polite today can transform himself into a heat-seeking missile on Sundays. If the United States were a better country he would be our president. Anyway, I'm glad that the Steelers made it through media day without doing anything stupid. Tomorrow the Steelers start practicing again, which hopefully means that their minds will be on the game instead of all the bullshit that is going on around them. Tune in later in the week for a more football-related analysis of Super Bowl XL.

AFC Champions

2006-01-23T14:22:00.000-05:00

Yesterday will go down as one of the proudest moments of my admittedly very sad life. I suppose that if I have a kid who gets married or wins the Nobel prize or some shit I would be pretty happy too, but I still don't know whether it would be better than this. I need a few days to collect my thoughts and bask in the glory, but plenty of coverage of Super Bowl XL will follow over the course of the next two weeks. I love the fucking Steelers.

Payback Is a Mother

2006-01-17T16:25:00.000-05:00

If you take nothing else from this blog, you should understand one very simple lesson: the playoffs are a completely different world than the regular season. Last season the Steelers went 15-1 and dominated the Patriots in their meeting on Halloween, but got their asses handed to them in the AFC Championship by a New England team that just wanted it more. From the very first day of training camp this year, Bill Cowher has been telling his team that regular season records don’t mean shit in January. The Steelers finished the 2005 season 11-5, but anyone who watches the Steelers as religiously as I do realizes that they are a much better team than their 15-1 counterparts last season. Lessons in the playoffs cannot be learned in the regular season, which is one of the biggest reasons that teams making their first playoff appearances have fared relatively poorly the last two weekends. Last year the Steelers were the team with a rookie QB making his first post-season start, and the Steelers were clearly not where they needed to be. There were no excuses offered for the embarrassing loss to the Pats in last year’s AFC Championship, and the Steelers knew that if they wanted to get to the Super Bowl this season they would have to get better, not in terms of improving their record, but rather in having what it takes to stand toe-to-toe with the best the NFL has to offer and being able to come out on top.

Every year the Colts enter the tournament with the national media praising their unstoppable offense, and every year they exit after another emasculating loss. Each time, without failure, newspapers and websites are flooded with commentary expressing shock that someone could possibly slow down, let alone shut down, the Colts (and mark my words, in ten months the Colts will once again be the favorites to win Super Bowl XLI). Obviously the football press has very short memories. It wasn’t too long ago that Manning and the Colts had the notoriety of being unable to win a first round game. More recently, losses to the Patriots in snowy Foxborough the previous two years have been deemed to be the only stumbling blocks on their way to their alleged destiny. A variety of excuses have been offered for the Colts’ playoffs woes and their Achilles heels are well known: they have a shitty defense, they can’t play in cold weather, and they can’t beat the Patriots. But this season was supposed to be the season when the Colts would exorcise their demons of playoffs past. Over the last two years Tony Dungy has managed to couple Indy’s superb offense with a revamped defense, putting together a speedy unit, which, if it doesn’t necessarily blind you with brilliance, it at least baffles you with bullshit. A favorable schedule had led to speculation that this was the Colts’ year. The mantra around the NFL was heard all season long: if the Colts could just get home field advantage they would be unstoppable, literally. The sensationalist football media was so in love with Peyton Manning and the Colts that the level of discourse had sunk to talk of a perfect season and debating the Colts’ status amongst the greatest teams of all time. The Colts complied, and posted an impressive record, including starting the season 13-0, and locked up home field advantage throughout the playoffs by mid-November. After vanquishing the Patriots on a Monday night in November, and seeing them eliminated from the playoffs the previous night, it seemed that a Super Bowl championship was a foregone conclusion.

Standing in the Colts’ path to the promised land, however, was a little team known as the Pittsburgh Steelers. Lost in the hype surrounding the Colts is the fact that the Steelers had unfinished business of their own. After going 15-1 in 2004 only to lose to the Patriots in the AFC Championship, the Steelers were flying somewhat under the radar for much of the season. A few quality wins canceled out a few bad losses, and what was left was a team that finished 11-5, which was barely good enough for them to sneak into the AFC bracket as the sixth seed. Sure, the Steelers were riding a four game winning streak at the end of the season, and they had summarily dismissed Cincinnati in their house the week before, but the Colts had demolished them in front of a national audience in Week 12 in a game that was never really competitive. What were the poor Steelers to do? How could they possibly match up with the invincible Colts? Maybe if the game were being played in Pittsburgh the Steelers would have a chance, but barring divine intervention there was no way the Steelers could pull out a W in Indy. The pundits seemed to genuinely pity the Steelers. The Steelers players (all of them except Joey Porter, that is) played the part of sacrificial lamb by expressing their expectation of utter annihilation by Colts all week long. All were in agreement, the Steelers, a meager sixth seed, would surely be content with a playoff win and would gladly accept the consolation of being another victim of the unstoppable force that is the Indianapolis Colts.

As the clock struck one o’clock on the east coast, the respective teams had assembled on the fast track in the RCA Dome, with the aural manifestation of over 57,000 sad and unfulfilled Hoosiers' lives raining down on them. The stage was set for the first act of the Colts’ Super Bowl show; the first taste of a month-long festival commemorating the single greatest team ever assembled in any sport. If the Steelers were to have a chance to win the game they would have to withstand the initial onslaught and establish themselves as a threat early. In the Monday night game, the Colts jumped out to an early lead after Manning hit Marvin Harrison on an 80-yard TD on the Colts’ first play from scrimmage and it never really felt like the Steelers were in the game after that point. From the moment Mike Vanderjagt set foot to ball, however, the Steelers came out on the offensive, taking advantage of their underrated passing attack to drive the length of the field culminating in a TD pass from Ben Roethlisberger to Antwaan Randle-El. Although certainly an eye-opener, the Steelers’ offensive showing was perhaps not too surprising to those in the know, as the presence of a relatively healthy Big Ben and offensive line promised at least marginally better results than were seen in the game in November. The thing that nobody expected, however, and the thing that really gave the Steelers momentum early, was the way the defense utterly stopped the Colts offense in their tracks, stifling the prolific offense into three-and-outs on their first two possessions. At the end of the first quarter the Colts had only managed one first down. After increasing their lead to 14-0, it was obvious that the Steelers had played an impeccable first quarter on both sides of the ball. I think specific mention is warranted for the great job Bill Cowher did in preparing the team for the game this week. Cowher gets a lot of criticism from Steelers fans and otherwise for various reasons (especially for losing four AFC Championships at home), but he has been around so long and his teams are so consistently good that people don’t appreciate what a great coach he is. Credit for this must also be shared by the players, who, in terms of quality and intensity, performed at a championship caliber. Not to be left out are offensive and defensive coordinators Ken Wisenhunt and Dick LeBeau, the gurus who crafted the perfect strategy for backing the Colts into a corner early. It was essential that the Steelers took advantage of any rustiness that the Colts might show initially, and after 15 minutes of football it was clear that the Colts were in significant trouble. It wasn’t the stats that so much told the story (although they were quite impressive), as it was the Colts’ body language and the atmosphere of the dome, which indicated a team that was psychologically defeated. The problem with blowing a team out once and having to play them again in the same season is that if the second game isn’t as lopsided as the first, it is inevitably deflating. In this case, not only were the Colts not kicking the shit out of the Steelers, the Steelers were actually kicking the shit out of the Colts.

As the second half began, any true Steelers fan had the exact same thought running through their head: I really hope we don’t blow this fucking thing. Sitting on a 14-3 lead, everyone and their mothers knew that Bill Cowher was going to run the shit out of the football in the second half. However, to Cowher’s credit, he realized that 14 points were not going to be enough to beat the Colts, and after stopping the Colts on their first possession, the Steelers offense came out with the same dynamic attack that worked so well in the first half, and while their first drive of the second half did not result in any points, it drained five and a half minutes off the clock. Following a three-and-out by the Colts and a punt return to the Indy 30 yard line, the Steelers' next drive featured six straight running plays that ultimately led to a TD dive by the Bus, putting the Steelers in a commanding 21-3 lead with only a minute and a half left in the third quarter. It’s easy to blame Cowher for being too conservative on offense after this point in the game, but running out the clock is what the Steelers do best, and with an 18 point lead at the beginning of the fourth quarter I don’t have a problem with utilizing the strength of the team to attempt to win a game that no one thought they could win. My main gripe with the Steelers strategy during the second half was the prevent defense. I realize that the worst thing that could have happened would be to have given up a big play, but after handling the Indy attack the entire first half, I don’t see why they would have done anything different in the second half. Nevertheless, the Steelers allowed the Colts to throw the ball underneath, resulting in an easy TD on the second play of the fourth quarter to bring the score to 21-10. The Colts still needed two scores, and the Steelers would be getting the ball back. If they could run the ball down the throats of the Colts and even manage a field goal, the game would be virtually out of hand. The Steelers didn’t have quite the success running the ball they are accustomed to, but still managed to eat up eight minutes of the clock with the help of two gutsy fourth-and-one conversions. The Steelers were forced to punt the ball away, and gave the Colts six minutes to score 11 points.

What transpired next will go down in sports lore as one of the most improbable and memorable series of events to finish a game in NFL history, with each twist of fate shifting the game’s momentum and likely outcome 180 degrees. The moods of Steelers and Colts fans vacillated between fits of jubilation and utter despair in the blink of an eye during the final six minutes of the contest. It was the type of game that leaves permanent emtional scars on the fans of the losing team. The first incident occurred on the Colts' next drive, when Troy Polamalu clearly intercepted a Peyton Manning pass near mid-field - a play that, barring a miracle, seemed to extinguish any hope of a Colts comeback. Going into the commercial, most people watching the game, and certainly most Steelers fans, had to feel that the game was all but over. But after a suspiciously long time at the replay booth, that piece of fucking shit Pete Morelli called the pass incomplete. I won’t go as far as Joey Porter in saying it was a conspiracy by the NFL to give the Colts the game, but I think there is some validity to the point that that fucking douche bag might have been a little intimidated by the prospect of announcing to the Indianapolis crowd, and the millions watching at home that had been drooling over them all season, that their pride and joy had choked away the best shot of getting to the Super Bowl that they will ever have. Regardless, it was an atrocious call, and he definitely deserved to have his house vandalized. The audacious reversal infused the Colts and the Indianapolis crowd with new life, and four plays later the Colts promptly scored a TD and successful two-point conversion, bringing the Colts to within a field goal of the Steelers.

Panic was starting to grip the Steelers. If they were not able to hold onto the ball and score some points on the next drive, their seemingly insurmountable lead was going to be in serious jeopardy. But the Steelers only managed one first down on the next drive and were forced to give the ball up to the Colts at the Indy 18. It appeared that the momentum was clearly with the Colts, and one of the greatest comebacks in football history seemed like a very realistic possibility. At this crucial moment, however, the Steelers defense, led by two sacks from Joey Porter, stepped it up a notch, and drove the Colts back to their own two-yard line where the Colts turned the ball over on downs. With the Steelers having the ball on the Indianapolis two with a three point lead and only a minute and twenty seconds left, it seemed as if all that was left before the final nail would be officially driven into the Colts’ coffin was a celebratory Bettis TD plunge. Within seconds I felt as if I had been kicked in the nuts. The ball popped out of the Bus’ usually reliable hands and right into the arms of Colts safety Nick Harper, who had been freshly stabbed by his wife the night before. As Harper began racing towards the Steelers end zone and the go-ahead TD it appeared as if one of the most infamous plays in the history of sports was unfolding until, seemingly out of nowhere, Ben Roethlisberger makes what, in spite of its ugliness, will likely be referred to in Pittsburgh for years to come as the Tackle. Ironically, at the moment it served as little consolation to Steelers fans, as the prospect of the Colts taking over on their own 42-yard line, with over a minute left and down by only three, seemed merely a prelude to the inevitable. Any Steelers fan with a brain was just hoping to have a chance to win the game in overtime. The Colts found early success, but after an ill-advised shot at the end zone on third and short from the Pittsburgh 28, the Colts brought on Mike Vanderjagt to attempt to kick a 46-yard field goal to send the game to overtime. Whether Bill Cowher’s decision to ice the kicker played a role is something that will never be known, but Vanderjagt kicked the worst excuse for a field goal that has been seen in the NFL in years (it was even worse than those field goals that day with all the wind in Chicago when Nathan Vasher returned the ball 109 yards for a TD). The only thing left to do for the Steelers was to line up in victory formation as the Colts futilely called timeouts in a sad attempt to extend their hopeless season.

Of course, the aftermath of such a shocking game is almost as interesting as the game itself. It was one of those rare games that entertains football and non-football fans alike and seeps into the realm of pop culture. David Letterman has spent time every night this week moaning about the Colts loss, and on Thursday night he actually had Mike Vanderjagt on to kick a 46-yard field goal on 53rd Street (which he made). Peyton Manning’s reputation as a choker and a sore loser was enhanced by his post-game press conference where he threw his offensive line under the proverbial bus (as opposed to the Bus). Obviously it is more interesting for people to talk about Peyton Manning losing the game than the Steelers winning the game, but everyone would have to concede that the Steelers were the better team on the field that day and definitely deserved to win the game. Nonetheless, I think that if anyone deserves the bulk of the blame on Indianapolis, it is Peyton Manning. He can’t have it both ways. If he thinks that he is coaching the team (which he apparently does after canceling Dungy’s punt), then he can’t blame his teammates for his shitty performance. Plus, Manning has a long history of choking in big games that extends all the way back to his days at Tennessee. Manning simply lacks the mental toughness to win in the playoffs, and as long as the Colts keep making up excuses for their losses, he will never develop into a championship level quarterback. The other main topic of controversy has been the blown call on the Polamalu interception. Among the highlights of the week were Joey Porter's statement that the call was intentional and meant to give the Colts the game, and the NFL's official ruling that the Morelli's call was wrong. Best of all, though, was the story of a brick being thrown through the window of Morelli’s home. That son of a bitch will think twice before fucking with the Pittsburgh Steelers again.

That brings us to Championship Sunday, when the Steelers will travel to Denver to take on the number two seed. Part of me would rather play the Patriots, not because of any petty desire to knock them off personally, but because I would feel slightly more comfortable playing in Foxborough than in the thin air of the Rocky Mountains. The Steelers have not played the Broncos in Denver recently, and the mile high advantage is significant enough that it could affect the outcome of the game. The Broncos and Steelers are remarkably similar teams. Both teams like to run the ball on offense and blitz on defense, but I think the Steelers will have more success, especially running the ball. I’m not that impressed by Denver’s defensive line, featuring former Browns Courtney Brown and Gerard Warren, because the Steelers routinely ran rough shod over the unit when it used to play in Cleveland. Secondly, this is the third AFC Championship for the Steelers in the last five years, while the Broncos have not played this deep in the playoffs since the days of John Elway. The whole world watches the conference championships, and the intensity level is even higher than the previous rounds of the playoffs. If I were a Broncos fan I would be a little concerned about Jake Plummer, who, although he has been remarkably efficient this season, has a history of bad decision making. If the game is close late, I could see Plummer reverting to his gun-slinging interception prone form that everyone remembers from previous years. Aditionally, there is something symbolic about the Steelers playing their first AFC Championship on the road. It is something akin to a clean slate, or, at the very least, the bad karma that permeates AFC Championships in Pittsburgh shouldn't be a factor. Finally, over the past six weeks the Steelers have played as well as any squad has under the Cowher regime. The post-season is not about who is the best football team, it is about who is playing the best football. After knocking off the Colts, there is little doubt that the Steelers are playing better than anyone else. I am by no means looking past the Broncos, but I like the Steelers' chances of making it to Super Bowl XL.

Week 18: Panthers 23 - Giants 0

2006-01-15T01:15:00.000-05:00

The back pages. All week long, the back pages. Pictures of Tiki, Strahan, Eli, Coughlin; big, bold headlines with some innocent enough comment turned into a screaming headline. There’s nothing like playoff fever, and with the Mets and Yankees quiet, the Knicks a lost cause (or so it seemed a week ago) and hockey still dead (Mark Messier night notwithstanding), the Giants were the only show in town. What a pleasure it is to read every article in every paper, to pour through quotes and gauge the confidence levels of both teams, to listen to every expert’s “keys to the game” – the awesome anticipation of it all!

Early in the week, the forecast was predicting low 40s and rainy, a real unpleasant, slushy, nasty day for what was going to be, by all indications, a hard-fought battle between two very evenly matched teams. Both the Giants and the Panthers came into the game with identical 11-5 records, and had pretty much stayed within a game of each other among the upper echelon of the NFC the entire season. The Panthers had shown flashes of brilliance at times, but had been plagued by an inconsistency all year long that had prevented them from attaining the NFC top-dog status that, with the dropoff of the Eagles, many people thought was theirs for the taking. Their previous two games illustrate this frustrating inconsistency: First, a bitter home loss to a decent, but inferior Cowboys team that would ultimately preclude them from winning the division; but the next week, an impressive 44-11 road blowout of the Falcons (who, admittedly, seemed to have mailed in their season) that propelled them into the playoffs. The question remained: Just who were the real Panthers?

Nobody knew, but we did know this: they were led by an outstanding defense that ranked fourth in the NFL in DVOA (an advanced metric created by the smart folks at footballoutsiders.com that breaks down every play of the NFL season and calibrates each play to the league average, which you can read about further by clicking on my simplified explanation here), a unit spearheaded by the league’s best front four, as well as an outstanding secondary that gives them the ability to blitz frequently because their defensive backs are more than capable of holding their own. On offense, they were led by Steve Smith, the electrifying little dynamo who was the consensus best receiver in the NFL this year, and their sometimes brilliant but interception-prone quarterback Jake Delhomme, to go along with their sometimes-brilliant, but sometimes-ineffective running game comprised of the big-small combination of DeShaun Foster and Nick Goings. We knew that the Panthers were good, but there were a lot of variables that would determine exactly how good.

The same could be said about the Giants, a team that had looked outstanding at times this season, but came into this game with both a struggling young quarterback and a severely depleted linebacking corps. Eli Manning had a wondrously auspicious start to his first full season as a starter: through his eighth game, he had thrown 14 touchdowns to just 5 interceptions, but he struggled mightily in the second half, throwing 15 interceptions to 10 touchdowns. Eli is still The Franchise, and his second half dropoff, while indeed an extreme case, is not uncommon to young quarterbacks who are enduring the rigors of their first full season of NFL action. It is clear, though, that Eli is not an excellent NFL quarterback quite yet (he ranked 21st in DVOA among quarterbacks), and that the days where he will be leading the Giants to the Super Bowl, as opposed to competently riding the coattails of an offense chock-full of weapons, are somewhere in the future. And as the New York papers pointed out ad nauseum all week long, the bulls-eye is clearly on Eli’s back in this game; the Panthers have declared a pre-game defensive strategy of ganging up to stop Tiki Barber in the running game, leaving them to take their chances with the young quarterback and his passing game.

The linebackers, by this point and after so many news articles, are another old story. To quickly rehash, they have lost four of their top five guys, and enter this playoff game with only one player (Nick Greisen) who was even within shouting distance of the rotation, let alone the team itself, at the beginning of the year. The other starting linebackers are Alonzo Jackson -- who has been playing special teams the entire year -- and Kevin Lewis, a former starter for the Giants who lost his roster spot to Chase Blackburn (since injured) and whom the Giants rescued from the unemployment line a few weeks ago. The linebackers looked competent last week against the Raiders, however, and the Panthers running game, while occasionally excellent, doesn’t exactly inspire fear. It should be an excellent game, and nobody knows who is going to win. The Vegas odds have the Giants favored by 3 at home, a line that gives you a good idea of who the home team is, but not necessarily of who the better team is.

79,378 Giant fans have an opinion on the matter though, as they rabidly wave white towels given to them at the gate in giddy anticipation of their first playoff game since 2002, and their first home playoff game since 2000. Those early reports of crummy weather have proven false; as kickoff approaches, it is a gloriously sunny day in the Tri-State area, with a dry field and a neutral temperature in the high 40s, conditions you would expect more in Charlotte, North Carolina than East Rutherford, New Jersey. Nevertheless, “Hell’s Bells” blares, as it has all season, the crowd crescendos, as they have all season -- only this time with more vehemence -- and when Jay Feely puts the foot to it, the playoffs are underway.

Things look promising for Giants in the early going: with Carolina facing a 3rd and 13 on their first series, Osi Umenyiora swoops around the edge and dexterously knocks the ball loose from Jake Delhomme’s hand, a move that the freakishly athletic Umenyiora has perfected in this his breakout year, and although the Panthers recover the fumble, it seems as if more good things are in store for the jacked-up Giants and their hungry fans. This optimism continues as the Giants take possession, pick up a quick first down, and then cross into Panther territory on the next play, a 7 yard run by Tiki Barber, presumably the first of many Tiki successes. So far, so good.

The Giants stall on this drive, however, when they fail to convert a 3rd and 2, and from there, the remainder of the first quarter would lock into a brisk, intense stalemate, with both offenses playing it close to the vest. But as the teams switch sides for the second quarter, the Panthers are able to string together some first downs -- four of them on the drive -- to take them down to the Giant 22. On the next play, the Panthers eschew incremental progress and send the blazingly fast Steve Smith on a circular post pattern, who easily beats the overmatched Terrell Buckley and is hit in stride for the touchdown. A ghastly silence falls over the Meadowlands as Smith unveils his latest creative touchdown celebration, a mimed snow-angel on the Meadowlands field turf -- forget that the weather is temperate and sunny. It wasn’t his greatest stroke of creativity, but he makes his point: the Panthers are perfectly comfortable here in Meadowlands, and the shocked silence of the crowd is supplanted by a kind of wounded booing. On the play, the Giants had Terrell Buckley in press, bump-n-run coverage against the speedy Smith, with safety Brent Alexander stationed deep to provide the over-the-top help. But the Panthers sent their other receiver -- lined up wider than Smith on the same side -- on a deep pattern, and Alexander overanxiously jumped this outside receiver and lost track of Smith. This left Smith in a one-on-one with the aged Buckley, who was a fine corner in his day, which happened to be in the mid-nineties, and who the Giants signed towards the end of the year as a “street free agent.” Needless to say, the NFL’s best receiver won this matchup, staking his team to the 7-0 lead.

It was a long, bruising clockeater of a drive for the Panthers, 7:46 all told, and now it’s been a while since the Giants have had the ball. There is a palpable tension in the Meadowlands right now; the Panthers drive was a statement. But the Giants are able to pick up a couple of first downs on their ensuing set, and get into Panther territory before stalling, forcing an excellent Feagles punt which pins the Panthers down at their own 7.

The crowd celebrates the punt, trying very, very hard to stay alive as a presence for their home team, and they rise to their feet when the Panthers quickly face a 3rd and 8. But Nick Goings, the Panthers darting change-of-pace back, catches a pass out of the backfield and scurries his way to the first down, and the disappointed, antsy onlookers must settle back down in their seats. Soon enough, however, the Panthers face another 3rd and long, this time a 3rd and 11, and the crowd dutifully rises again – this time we'll stop ‘em! But it is Goings again, on a draw play this time, picking up 10 yards before he is even touched, falling across the first down marker for the next disappointment as the clock continues to tick – 2:29 remaining in the half now – and the uneasiness continues to build. Goings again on the next play, ripping one off for 18 yards that gets the Panthers close to midfield; at this point, things look bleak. The Giants inability to stop the Carolina run is extremely troubling, with their struggling linebackers getting pushed around and missing tackles all over the place, allowing the Panthers to accumulate deflating first downs and control the clock. And while the Giants are able to stop the Panthers on their next set, this series -- which saw the Panthers move from deep into Giants territory all the way to midfield -- represents both a moral and field position victory for the visitors.

Nevertheless, as the Panthers line up to punt, the Meadowlands crowd revs up again in the hopes of spurring on their dragging heroes, and they erupt in a roar when punter Jason Baker shanks one of the side of his foot, a brutal kick that represents the first break the Giants have caught in nearly a full half of playoff football. But because the punt was so unexpectedly short, Gibril Wilson, who was downfield blocking the flanked “gunner” on the play, has no reason to suspect that the ball is perilously close to him; it bounces off his unsuspecting calf and onto the ground, a live ball, and is recovered by the Panthers at the Giants 15. A horrible break, and the Meadowlands crowd is surreally silent, confronting in earnest for the first time the possibility that it is not the Giants’ day.

The Panthers eagerly hop out to expand their lead, which actually seems like it should be much more than 7-0 given how much they’ve dominated the action. The Giants defense is able to buckle down here, however, and the Panthers settle for a John Kasay field goal that pushes the lead to 10-0 going into the half, and as the teams trot into the locker room, a loud, angry rumble of boos rains down on the flat Giants, who have played worse than anyone could have possibly feared. The Panthers have had the ball for 21 minutes, the Giants 9, and have run 37 plays to the Giants 17. Although a ten point deficit is certainly surmountable, the lifeless Giants offense faces a tall order against Carolina’s stout defense, which has so far succeeded in its game plan to bunch up and stop Tiki Barber.

But if there’s one thing that the Giants have showed us this year, it’s that they are capable of generating offense both quickly and when they need it; and even after this truly awful half of football, they are still a break or two from being within one score. Many a football game follows this path: one team dominates for the majority of the time, but because their lead is not commensurate with their domination, the trailing team is able to catch a couple of breaks, pull close, and then, shockingly, find itself with the momentum and a chance to win the game. Such a scenario is certainly not out of the realm of possibility for the Giants, and the faithful is back into it as John Kasay kicks off to begin the second half. And on the first play from scrimmage, Eli Manning lofts a nice touch pass to Jeremy Shockey – who has done absolutely nothing to this point – for a 25 yard gain, taking the Giants across midfield and giving their fans some hope that this game will become what the announcers call “a game of two halves.” Every team is capable of outplaying any other team in one half of football, the Giants and their fans hope -- if they can do it, we can do it!

But Big Blue stalls on their next set, and the lead remains 10 as the Panthers trot out for their first crack at the second half, which, after a few plays, begins to look frighteningly familiar to the first half, as the combination of DeShaun Foster and Nick Goings continues to trample over the Giants depleted run defense. Between the running of those two and the crisp passing of Jake Delhomme, the Panther move all the way down to the Giants 36, on the doorstep of at least 3 more points, if not a devastating touchdown. But Michael Strahan valiantly grinds his way to a key 3rd down sack of Delhomme – one of the rare times the Giants have been able to stop the Panthers on 3rd down today – and the visitors are forced to punt. The lead is still ten, and the game is still within reasonable reach.

So with 7:16 remaining in the third quarter, the Giants resume possession at their own 16. They’ve certainly been bad today, but not completely awful; if they could have just had the fortune of putting some of their first downs together to get them in field goal range, we would have a ballgame. But on the first play of their set, Eli gets flushed out of the pocket by a Panther rush that’s been consistently present, and in his overanxiousness to make something happen, the young quarterback commits a fatal error, flinging the ball across his body and into triple coverage, where it is snatched out of the air by Carolina’s leaping Kenny Lewis, who makes a few moves and brings the ball all the way back to the Giants 12. Heartbreaking, but it was nothing compared to the next play, when Steve Smith takes the handoff on an an end-around, jets around contain-man Gibril Wilson, and follows a caravan of blockers to the endzone for the easy touchdown. 17-0 Panthers, and as the Meadowlands falls into an awful silence, and as the ecstatic screams of the visiting Panthers fill the void in the air, this game, and the 2005 Giants season, is over.

With 6:57 remaining in the 3rd quarter, there was of course more football to be played, but it can’t be said that anybody in the building harbored any hope for Big Blue. Their next possession ended with an Eli interception, which the Panthers followed with some more dominant running and a sprinkling of effective passing by Jake Delhomme. The Giants were obviously expecting the run, and their inability to stop it attests to the painful fact that in this game, at this point in the season, Carolina is just the much better team. They take it all the way down to the 11 and settle for a field goal, pushing the lead to 20-0, as we’re now in the fourth quarter.

Eli throws another interception on the next series, capping an awful game that capped the major step back that was his second half of 2005. All in all, it’s certainly unfair to call 2005 a disappointment for the Franchise Quarterback who showed such great promise at the beginning of the year, but his eventual status as an elite quarterback is far from a foregone conclusion. For the record, the crowd chooses this last punch to the gut to take their leave; it’s been a painful day. As the crowd thins out, the Panthers march downfield again, picking up first downs and winding down the clock. They get all the way down to the Giants 1, and then John Kasay closes out the scoring by knocking a field goal against a backdrop of empty red seats. 23-0 Panthers, and after an Eli fumble – his fourth turnover in four second half possessions – the Panthers take a few knees and the final gun sounds on the 2005 Giants season.

***

Any way you look at it, it was a complete annihilation. The Panthers outgained Big Blue 335 to 112, out-first-downed the G-Men 23-9, and had the ball for 42:45 to the Giants’ 17:15. There is certainly a lot of blame to throw around for this one, but to me, it started with the now oft-written-about “depleted linebacking corps.” The Panthers’ running game, not a dominant force by any stretch of the imagination, was made to look like the Cowboys of the mid-nineties. So consistently were the Giants linebackers out of position, and so often did they miss tackles, that the team's leading tackler on the day was Gibril Wilson, a safety, who had 15. Wilson and Brent Alexander, the two safeties, amassed 25 tackles between them compared to the 24 made by all three Giants starting linebackers.

It was the Panthers ability to establish the run and consistently “win on first down” that allowed them to control the clock, move the ball, and keep the Giants offense off the field, which, for its part, was never able to establish any sort of rhythm. The Panthers’ strategy of stuffing men in the box to stop Tiki Barber proved successful, as Eli Manning and the Giants’ passing game had no answer. Eli had an awful day, going 10/18 for 113 yards and those three interceptions, to go along with a lost fumble. It was a discouraging day for the quarterback who had looked so encouraging early on, but I think I speak for all Giants fans in expressing utmost confidence that Eli will one day lead us deep into the playoffs.

As was the case with Eli, the Giants endured an ugly ending to what was, overall, a very encouraging season. Big Blue had their moments and showed their flashes: Eli’s four eleventh-hour, final drive heroics; the Giants mid-season defensive dominance; Plaxico’s emergence into a big-time player, and someone who should really further emerge into a star; Osi Umenyiora’s explosion into a dominant force at defensive end and Michael Strahan’s remarkable comeback; the overall solid play and good health of the offensive line; Amani Toomer, an old Giants dog who learned the new tricks of a possession receiver; Jeff Feagles continued excellence, in a year that saw him set the NFL’s consecutive games record; the stoutness of the Giants defensive tackles, an unexpected source of consistent solidness; Antonio Pierce’s emergence into, in Michael Strahan words, the “heart and soul” of the defense; and Tiki Barber, who had the greatest season of any offensive player in Giants history. The future looks bright in East Rutherford. Go G-Men!

Bears - Carolina Playoff Preview

2006-01-10T21:42:00.000-05:00

Brian Urlacher isn't fucking around this time. 2005 will not be like 2001.

Cory has inspired me by his recent article detailing the Steelers’ win over the sorry-ass Bengals. It’s about time that some of the players light a fire under their ass and take this shit personally. Because I can guarantee that many of the fans do. Before the ’85 season, Mike Ditka told the Bears to put a chip on their shoulder and leave it there until the season is over. I consider myself somewhat to moderately a classy person, but something has to be said for playing with a little attitude. The players after all, to some extent, represent the fans. And I guarantee that the fans of Chicago are really fucking pissed off over the Bears recent history. We enjoyed the Sox recent triumph and the dominance of the Bulls in the ‘90’s, but this town is really about football. As a Midwestern town where it’s really cold more than half the year, where it snowed on opening day in April at Wrigley two years ago, we pride ourselves on being tough. We are the Windy City, the City of Broad Shoulders. As Mike Ditka said during the ’85 season, we are a team of Grabowski’s. He was echoing the ethnic flavor of Chicagoans. Chicago prides itself on toughness, and therefore football is a popular sport here. Soldier Field is our Coliseum, and we have watched an awful product since the Fall of Ditka. We last won a playoff game in ’94, endured the ugly tenures of Wanny and Jauron, and our finally getting our shit together. Lovie Smith, recently named Coach of the Year, has made a difference here in as little as two seasons. Not only is this year exciting, but we have most of our defense signed for the next two to three years. We finally have some stability going in Chicago, and I say that it's about fucking time.

With the Bulls’ recent resurgence, a three game winning streak, I feel the karma bouncing back in my favor. This game against Carolina is HUGE. Although we have already made it to the Divisional round of the playoffs, we didn’t win a game to get here. If we don’t even win a playoff game this year, this year won’t be considered a success. Yet if we can win this game, then that will be enough of a momentum swing to take into next year. In one more year, we can get our offense to at least being mediocre (offense finished 29th in yards per game, passing game 31st). The Bears this week aren’t sitting back and waiting for the big Carolina matchup. They are not providing the media with the usual clichés, but they have rather been stirred by Carolina’s wildcard victory. ESPN’s Sean Salisbury, among others, picked Carolina to win against the Bears, partly because of how dominant they looked against the Giants. The Bears whipped up on Carolina 13-3 in their sole meeting this year, including two picks on Delhomme and 8 sacks. Yet this more recent Carolina team may be better, as evidenced by their dominant 23-0 victory over the Giants. Carolina’s obvious momentum and the media’s reaction to it have caused some of the player’s to go on the defensive. Adewale Ogunleye provided most of the bulletin board material. He said that "They get a lot of credit for a team that people who predict these things figured would go to the Super Bowl. I just don't think that they deserve that credit," Ogunleye said breezily. "I think that they have to prove it. We proved it one time. What we have to do is prove it again.” Ogunleye had more to say. "They had a lot of hype coming into that game, and we felt they didn't deserve it,'' he said. "And I think again, they're getting a lot more hype than they should.'' Mike Brown said that “If we play our best game, I don’t think they can beat us.” I say good for them. I like to see deep emotion, because you can feed off that in bringing home a victory. For the players who play well when angry, I say, play angry then. If you lose, it doesn’t matter if you predicted victory, because the losing will hurt anyway.

The Bears have the obvious edge going into the game. They are playing at home in the cold, which is good for a defensive team, and they have already proven that they can beat these guys. When Lovie Smith was asked if he is going to see a different Carolina team, he responded in the negative. Carolina has a simple recipe, and they win like Pittsburgh when they stick to that recipe. Carolina plays good defense, tries to establish a strong running game, and will look to Steve Smith as the first option in the passing game. Steve Smith had success against almost everyone this year. He always finds a way of getting open, even though he is the obvious first choice of Delhomme. The Bears will allow Smith to get open as he did in the first encounter (14 receptions, 169 yards), as long as he is held without a touchdown. Carolina was able to beat the Giants by establishing the running game. Deshaun Foster had 151 yards rushing. Against the Bears, they will try to establish it early. The Bears know this and will be ready. In week 11, the Carolina running game was held to 55 yards. Yet Carolina will look to the Pittsburgh game and try to find the same success running as the Steelers had against us (190 yards rushing). If Carolina can establish the run, they will have a good chance of winning the game. Yet they do not have the same personnel as the Steelers, and the game will likely not be played in sloppy conditions. In short, there version of the bus, Stephen Davis, is not healthy. On defense, Carolina is not sure what to expect from Rex Grossman, since he has only started seven career games. Yet Grossman will do more than take three snaps and kneel the ball. He will look downfield and try to make some plays to take the pressure off the defense a little bit. They will try to stop the run and force Rex to beat them. The four young quarterbacks this postseason – Manning, Simms, Leftwich, and Palmer – have all failed so far. Yet Grossman won’t have to make tons of plays to get the win. He has to be aggressive and once in a while throw it underneath. The running game and defense should provide the rest.

My pick: Bears 23, Carolina 0

Who Dey? The Steelers Dey

2006-01-10T18:42:00.000-05:00

I’ve heard a lot of people speculating this week on whether or not Steelers fans are satisfied with a victory over the Bengals minus their star QB Carson Palmer. Personally, I’d be lying if I were to say that seeing Palmer getting carted off the field didn’t make me feel as giddy as a schoolgirl who just got asked to prom. This is the playoffs, and it’s no time for getting all chivalrous and shit about an opposing player getting hurt, and I’m certainly not going to say something retarded like “I would have rather played them with Palmer healthy.” Fuck that. It’s not that I dislike Carson Palmer – in fact, he piloted my fantasy squad to the league championship this season and I definitely respect the guy’s arm. But I’m not stupid, and I’d much rather play the ‘Gals without Palmer than with him, and anyone who says they would feel otherwise is fooling themselves. There are no shallow victories in the NFL, and there’s no shame in chalking up a win against a team that is missing its MVP. Furthermore, if the Steelers hadn’t been without Big Ben for five games this season, they would have won the division outright and could have possibly had a first round bye, so the way I see it, the Carson Palmer injury isn’t what made the difference between the two teams on Sunday. The ‘Gals might have scored a little more if Palmer had played the whole game, but the Steelers scored 31 points, and only the shitty Bengals defense can be blamed for that. Here’s my message for the ‘Gals and their fans: shit happens, and you either suck it up and find a way to win the game or you go home sulking like little girls and whine about how you would have won if so and so hadn’t been hurt. The ‘Gals, of course, aren’t willing to admit that the Steelers still own their sorry asses, but what transpired on Sunday speaks for itself. I hope their meaningless division championship eases their minds as they watch the second round on TV this weekend. The saddest thing in sports is when an upstart team attempts to instigate an unrequited rivalry with a team that has been a powerhouse for decades. I’m afraid that the Bengals/Steelers isn’t a real rivalry until the Steelers decide it is, and that will only happen when Cincinnati proves it can finish the job.

The best part of the victory was that all the loud-mouth punks in Cincinnati will have to shut the fuck up until next season. I am really, really sad that we won’t be seeing any more stupid touchdown celebrations from that joke of a human being Chad Johnson. For all the shit he talked, he didn’t show up for one single game against the Steelers this season. Likewise, I didn’t see T.J. Houshmandzadeh denigrating the terrible towel like he did after the game in December either. I find it amusing that Marvin Lewis made a really bitchy comment at his post-game press conference about Ben Roethlisberger being a cry baby. What a sore loser - fuck him. I hope he has fun pushing his beloved Carson Palmer around in a wheel chair for the next several months, asshole. Maybe Marv should focus his attention on keeping his own team in line instead of letting his pretty-boy prima donnas run wild, talking shit constantly even when they have never actually done a goddamn thing during the course of their shitty careers. To top it all off, last month the ‘Gals had the gall to record a rap video featuring Bootsy Collins, entitled “Fear da Tiger.” There’s no better way to sabotage a successful season than the premature celebratory rap. As far as I know, the ’85 Bears are the only team in the history of organized sports to have successfully recorded a rap mid-season. The Steelers tried it in ’94 with disastrous results. More recently, the Miami Hurricanes football team made headlines with their jaw-droppingly raunchy manifesto “Don’t Bring Yo’ Ho to the Seventh Flo’” before mailing in the second half of their season. When will people realize that bullshit hip hop posturing is never a good move? The only people who are impressed by that kind of shit are teenage boys and their intellectual equivalents. Why can’t a team record a thoughtful adult-contemporary rock album as a way to demonstrate their dominance in their particular sport? I know it’s not going to happen, but it’s too bad that we don’t live in a world where it’s as easy to intimidate someone with intellectual and emotional complexity as it is with recounts of hotel room gang bangs and boasts of one’s willingness to “ride on their enemies.”

Anyway, those of you who watched the game could see that it got pretty ugly after the Palmer injury. There was definitely a lot of jawing going on back and forth between the two teams. The adjective that every media outlet in the nation apparently agreed to use to describe the game was “chippy.” To me that word sounds like it is more appropriate to describe a moody teenager than a bunch of massive, ill motherfuckers who are capable of causing grievous bodily injury to one another. I’d say a more accurate description of the mood on the field was “really fucking pissed.” I guess that when two teams are facing each other for the third time in a season that is bound to be the case. I expected as much from the ‘Gals, because, like I said, they’re a bunch of punks, but the Steelers lost their cool on occasion on Sunday as well. Even the mild-mannered Troy Polamalu made two uncharacteristically bone-head plays, one of which resulted in a Cincinnati TD. To be honest, however, I loved seeing the Steelers playing with that kind of fury. It’s about time. I’ve had a chip on my should ever since the ’94 AFC Championship loss to the Chargers, and I am excited that the players finally seem to care as much about winning the Super Bowl as I do. The biggest problem with the Steelers in the past was the half-ass effort with which they always seemed to come out of the gates in the playoffs. The AFC Championship loss last season was the last straw for this team, and I get the feeling watching them that they want the Super Bowl worse than anyone this year.

Perhaps it’s just me trying to rationalize the possibility of the Steelers making it to the Super Bowl, but I think being on the road for the playoffs is going to help the Steelers. There is something invigorating about being road warriors in a hostile environment, and the Steelers play much better as bad guys than they do as the crowd favorites, and the they are clearly the black sheep in the AFC this year. I think most fans and pundits wanted to see the ‘Gals win last week, and now because of the Carson Palmer injury I think the common perception is that the Steelers are dirty (even though nobody seems to care that the Patriots under Belichick are the dirtiest team in football). I am sure most non-Steelers fans will be rooting for the Colts this weekend because everybody wants to see a Patriots/Colts rematch in the AFC Championship. If the possibility of cock-blocking the national love affair with the Colts isn’t enough incentive for them to come out fighting on Sunday, the embarrassing performance by the Steelers in the RCA Dome in November will certainly be fresh in the minds of the Steelers players. Is it a tough match-up? Of course. Am I going to guarantee victory again? Absolutely. The Colts haven’t been playing full speed in three weeks, and it always takes some time to get back up to NFL speed again after significant time off. Very quietly, the Steelers have become one of the most potent offenses in the NFL over the last few weeks. They’ve scored 30 or more points in each of their last three games, even though the Steelers have been running the clock out for most of the second half of those games. Willie Parker has found the groove that he was in early in the season and you can tell the Bus is on a mission to play his final game in front of his hometown crowd in the Super Bowl. Big Ben has shaken off the ghosts of last year’s playoffs, and the offensive line is healthy and playing at the top of its game once again. Importantly, the Steelers seemed to have their silent count working efficiently during their trip to the Metrodome in December, and I doubt that the Colts will have the balls to pipe in artificial crowd noise again, so I fully expect the Steelers’ offense not to be nearly as dysfunctional this time around. That means that the key to victory will likely be the Steelers finding a way to shut down the Colts’ prolific offense. If you discount the first TD pass to Marvin Harrison on the first play of the game and the stupid on-side kick at the beginning of the second half, the Steelers defense actually did a pretty good job of containing Peyton Manning in their first showdown. They seemed to have the most success in their nickel package when they were only rushing two or three linemen. The coverage ability of the Steelers’ secondary has been underestimated all season, and with Polamalu the playmaker lurking in the outfield I think the Steelers will fare reasonably well against the Indianapolis juggernaut. With that being said, there is no doubt that the Colts will get theirs, and the Steelers are going to have to come up with at least two turnovers and convert them into points if they are to have a shot in this game. It won’t be easy, but this is what the playoffs are all about. If all else fails, we’ll just send out Kimo von Oelhoffen to roll up on Peyton Manning’s knee.

Undressed

2006-01-08T16:28:00.000-05:00

For the third time in as many games this postseason a QB making his first playoff start lost to a QB with playoff experience. This isn't a coincidence. And with the defense featuring several players who weren't even in the league at the beginning of the season, the Giants were seemingly never in this one, despite being only down one score with a minute and a half left in the second quarter. I'd like to be able to appreciate this season for the surprising success it was, and claim next season as "our time," but the schedule looks pretty brutal next year (non-division games against the Colts, Seahawks, Panthers, Bears, Bucs, Falcons, Jaguars) and I can't help but feel like we wasted a huge opportunity to hack our way through a shitty NFC.

Congrats to the NFL Coach of the Year

2006-01-07T11:34:00.000-05:00

We love you, Lovie! It only took you two years to rebuild this team. Keep on bringing home those victories.

Congratulations to the Defensive MVP of '05

2006-01-06T23:33:00.000-05:00

I knew you could do it, Brian! You finally did it! You earned it, so enjoy it. You are now a LEGEND.

The Agony and the Ecstasy of the NFL Playoffs

2006-01-06T12:18:00.000-05:00

This day is call'd the NFL Wildcard weekend.
He that outlives this day, and comes safe home,
Will stand a tip-toe when this weekend is nam'd,
And rouse him at the name of Wildcard.
He that shall live this day, and see old age,
Will yearly on the vigil feast his neighbours,
And say 'To-morrow is Wilcard Saturday.'
Then will he strip his sleeve and show his scars,
And say 'These wounds I had on Wildcard weekend.'
Old men forget; yet all shall be forgot,
But he'll remember, with advantages,
What feats he did that day. Then shall our names,
Familiar in his mouth as household words-
Cowher the Coach, Bettis and Roethlisberger,
Ward and Farrior, Polamalu and Porter-
Be in their flowing cups freshly rememb'red.
This story shall the good man teach his son;
And Wildcard weekend shall ne'er go by,
From this day to the ending of the world,
But we in it shall be remembered-
We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;
For he to-day that sheds his blood with me
Shall be my brother; be he ne'er so vile,
This day shall gentle his condition;
And gentlemen in the NFL now-a-bed
Shall think themselves accurs'd they were not here,
And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks
That fought with us upon NFL Wildcard weekend.

Week 17: Giants 30 - Raiders 21

2006-01-06T00:43:00.000-05:00

No, it wasn’t the prettiest game, and there were certainly some unsettling and scary moments, but the Giants managed to ring in 2006 by clinching their first NFC East title in five years, prevailing 30-21 over the lowly Raiders. The win assures them a prized playoff home game against a tough, battle-tested Carolina Panthers team that storms into the playoffs with the same record as the Giants (11-5) and on the heels of an impressive 44-11 trouncing of the Falcons, propelling them into the postseason with confidence and momentum.

But first the game itself, a rather ugly slog that was more difficult for the G-Men than it should have been. The Raiders came into the game a defeated and dead team, limping to the end of a wildly dissapointing 4-11 season that had fallen well short of considerable pre-season expectations, a season that had left their McAffee Coluseum half-empty by week 17 and rendered their coach, Norv Turner, the lamest of ducks. Surely it shouldn't have been too tough for the Giants, and things got off to a good start: Midway through the first quarter, Tiki Barber took a handoff from the 5-yard line, skated through a big, beautifully blocked seam, glided around the left bend and then continued down the sideline, patiently setting up yet another persistent escort block by Plaxico Burress before hitting a fifth gear, gone for the astonishingly easy 95 yard touchdown. The greatest year for an offensive player in Giants history continues as Big Blue stakes out the early lead.

On the next series, however, Oakland’s offense -- which has been dormant for weeks -- wakes up against the sputtering Giants defense. Kerry Collins is able to set his feet and step up in a well-protected pocket, and he fires a series of elegant passes to his stellar receiving corps, who have the Giants undermanned secondary on its heels. The Raiders march all the way down to the Giant 15, and then Collins hits Randy Moss on a skinny post for the touchdown that ties the game for the home team.

But as the first quarter gives way to the second, the Giants march right back, and Eli's beautiful, back-shoulder-pinning timing pass to Plaxico Burress gives them a 1st and goal at the Raider 10. But the Giants inability to capitalize in the red-zone -- a pronounced problem all season, including last week against Washington -- surfaces once again, as they are forced to settle for a Jay Feely field goal, with 12:41 to go in the second quarter.

Big Blue is able to get the ball back in short time, however, thanks to a Raider offense that has nakedly abandoned the running game in favor of airing it out in this, their last game of their miserable season. Shortly after the Giants take over, Eli completes a mid-range square-in to Plaxico, who outruns a wild, bumbling tackle attempt by the late arriving safety Stuart Schweigert, turning up into a wide-open field, and finding himself off to the races for another breathtaking Giants touchdown. At 17-7 midway through the second quarter, the Giants are smelling a rout. And as the half winds down, the Giants move the ball again into Raider territory, but they stall -- again -- at the 20 and have to settle for the Feely field goal. He boots it through, however, giving the Giants a comfortable 20-7 lead.

With just under two minutes remaining in the half, all they have to do is stop the predictably pass-happy Raiders in their two-minute drill to take this cushy lead into the half, but they eschew the blitz or any other form of defensive aggressiveness and let Kerry Collins methodically march his squad downfield. With all the time in the world to operate, Collins goes 6 for 9 on the drive, including an 8-yard touchdown toss to Doug Gabriel that brings the Raiders to within six at halftime.

It is a frustrated Giants team that goes into the locker room; they are painfully aware that they could have already put these Raiders away if not for their lax defensive scheme and frighteningly porous secondary, which is looking as bad in Week 17 as it did in the season’s first few weeks. As play resumes in the third quarter, the game takes on a dragging, listless quality as the Giants punt, and then the Raiders punt, and then the Giants punt, and then the Raiders punt. But on this last Raiders punt, with 4:33 to go in the third quarter, Chad Morton, after corralling the ball at his own 39, jukes, jitterbugs, and then darts his way through a tight seam, squeezing all the way down to the Raiders 3 for Big Blue’s third huge play of the night (which have accounted for a huge portion of their offense). A couple plays later, Brandon Jacobs missiles his way across the goal line for the score, and when Feely knocks in the PAT, it's 27-14 Giants.

But alas, the Giants squander their breathing room once again when rookie Corey Webster, who is replacing Curtis Deloatch and looking just as overmatched as his dissapointing usurpee, somehow loses track of Randy Moss, who smoothly gathers Kerry Collins’ pass and waltzes down the sideline and into the endzone for the quick Raiders answer, pulling them back within six.

If you’re planning on burying a dead team, it is best to do so early in the game, when the decision to play hard for sixty minutes is still being considered. But thanks to a passive Giants secondary -- which has allowed Kerry Collins to look as good as he did in his best days with the Giants – the Raiders have hung around for this long, so they might as well hang in and fight for one last quarter. The Giants are in for a scrap.

On Big Blue’s next series, they are able to march down into Oakland territory, where they face another tense moment as Jay Feely is brought on to attempt a difficult 46 yard field goal. This is a crucial kick, not only because it will provide the all-important two-score cushion in this surprisingly tense game, but also because Feely’s precarious confidence going into the playoffs might very well hinge on it. But Feely steps up and thumps it through, giving the Giants a 30-21 lead, and his psyche a boost as he heads into the pressurized world of playoff kicking.

The Giants aren’t out of the woods yet, however, and the remainder of the game was fraught with frightening moments. Earlier in the half, actually, Michael Strahan was violently poked in the eye by a pass-blocking Raiders tackle, and he spent the remainder of the game on the sidelines holding an ice-pack to an eye that was as swollen as that of a losing boxer. A few plays into the fourth quarter, Eli’s leg contorted somewhat unnaturally when he was hit while releasing the ball. Then, worst of all, Tiki Barber hurt his ankle when a Raider tackler crashed down on the outside of his leg. As Tiki writhed on the ground, the ESPN Sky Cam provided the dramatic, terrible overhead shot of what appeared to be the absolute worst-case-scenario. ESPN followed this shot with a commercial break, giving Giants fans a harrowing sixty seconds to ponder the possibilities of life without Tiki. But when the action resumed, Sam Ryan’s sideline report informed us that that Tiki had trotted off the field without a significant limp – the man will be fine. But still, this long, last quarter of this frustrating last game wasn’t over, as Nick Greisen became the next Giant man down when he suffered a neck injury while making a tackle. Yet another tense moment for the Giants, but fortunately – mercifully – all of these players will be fine for this coming week, and none of them should show any ill effects from their scary, but not serious injuries. This avalanche of injuries in the fourth quarter of this game, however, parallels the avalanche of injuries that the Giants have endured in the fourth quarter of their season. Sure, all the guys that went down in this game will be fine, but the linebacking corps remains severely depleted, the defensive line is thinned out, and Jeremy Shockey – a key target for young Eli as he enters his first playoff action – is questionable for this Sunday’s game as of this writing.

But there was still more football to be play, and it wouldn’t be easy. Down by 9 with 5:37 to go, Kerry Collins is once again able to quickly pass his team all the way downfield, taking them to a 1st and goal at the Giants 1. But with their backs to the wall, the Giants defense stiffens, albeit with the help of some remarkably uninspired playcalling by the now-fired Norv Turner. They stop three predictable dive-runs by fullback Zack Crockett before Kerry Collins fails to sneak it in on 4th and goal. A replay confirms that Collins probably did in fact push the ball across the plane, but the video evidence was apparently not “indisputable” enough for the refs to overturn their original call. The Giants D – many of whom haven’t played much with the exception of tonight or the previous couple of games – sprints off the field, elated and triumphant. And after a clutch Tiki Barber first-down on the Giants’ ensuing possession, this one is finally over. The Giants finish the regular season at 11-5, champions of the NFC East. Michael Strahan and Osi Umenyiora do the honors of dousing Tom Coughlin with the Gatorade bucket, and Colonel Tom cracks a smile. Hugs and good feelings abound; the Giants are ready for 2006 and the start of the playoffs.

***

It is sort of a shame that the tie breakers worked out the way they did: The Giants, the Panthers, and the Buccaneers all finished the year with 11-5 records, but the Bucs’ 9-3 conference record gave them the division over the Panthers and the #3 seed over the Giants. Had things worked out a bit differently, perhaps the Giants might be facing the underwhelming Bucs instead of this more formidable Panthers. Look at a statistical comparison between the two teams in terms of Points Scored vs. Points Allowed, and also footballoutsiders.com’s DVOA system, an advance metric that breaks down each play of the NFL season and calibrates to the league average (for my simplified explanation of DVOA, click here):

Panthers
PS-PA: 391-259
DVOA: 13.0%

Bucs
PS-PA: 300-274
DVOA: 4.6%

With all that said, however, the Giants might just want to count themselves lucky that they didn’t draw the hard-charging Washington Redskins, who, after shellacking the Giants in week 16, beat the Eagles this past week to clinch a playoff birth. They finished at 10-6, and notably lost a few close contests during the middle of the year, including one against those same Buccaneers on a since-disproved two-point conversion run by the Bucs Mike Alstott that snatched defeat from the jaws of victory for the ‘Skins. It is always ridiculous to play the coulda-woulda-shoulda game when it comes to NFL officiating, but in this case, it’s worth mentioning that if the referees had properly ruled that Alstott did not in fact cross the plane of the goal line, the Redskins would have won that game, and because of their 11-1 conference record, would have won the NFC East and been the #2 seed in the playoffs instead of the #6. Of course, this presupposes that the Giants would have come out as flat as they did against the Redskins in week 16 even if the game had much more relevance to them than it actually did, so you just don’t know – but still…. Here’s how their PS/PA and DVOA numbers stack up, numbers which, it must be mentioned, are better predictors of a team’s future success than won-lost record.

Redskins
PS-PA: 359-293
DVOA: 22.6%

and, for good measure...
Giants
PS-PA: 422-314
DVOA: 24.6%

So despite the relative weakness of the NFC when compared to the AFC, there are definitely some sharks in these playoff waters. And the unfortunate fact of the matter is that the Giants are not playing their best ball at this point. Their offense has been pretty steady throughout the season, with the late-season heroics of Tiki Barber compensating for the dropoff of Quarterback Eli Manning. Footballoutsiders.com has a stat called variance, which measures the week-to-week consistency of teams on offense, defense, and special teams. According to this stat, the Giants rank 27th in the league in variance for offense, which counterintuitively means that the offense has been the fifth most consistent in the league. On defense, the Giants rank 1st in the league in variance, which means, of course, that they’ve been the most inconsistent unit.

This makes sense when we think about the path of the Giants defense this year, which has careened from awful to excellent, and everywhere in between. The defense that had Michael Strahan lamenting that it was the worst group for which he's ever played after that ugly Week 3 pasting in San Diego was the same unit that, weeks later, inspired comparisons to the dominant D of the 1986 team. But in the past few weeks they have definitely fallen off: In week 14, they allowed an offense comprised of Philadelphia's second-stringers to score 23 points and accumulate 337 total yards. A week later, against Kansas City, the Giants performed better and allowed only 17 points to a good Chiefs offense, but still allowed 362 total yards, including 167 rushing yards to Larry Johnson, the second week in which this formerly dominant run defense had been rushed on at will. A week later, they allowed the middle-of-the-pack offense of the Redskins to roll up five touchdowns in that worrisome 35-20 pasting, while Clinton Portis racked up the third consecutive 100+ yard game against them, and in the season's final game, they allowed a sleepwalking Raider team to come within a hair of scoring at least 28 points had it not be for that questionable call at the goal line on Kerry Collins’ fourth down sneak attempt.

The reason for this defensive dropoff is not too difficult to ascertain: Against Philadelphia in week 14, stalwart linebacker Antonio Pierce went down with a serious ankle injury, forcing undrafted rookie Chase Blackburn into the starting lineup. A week later, solid starter Carlos Emmons went down, leaving Nick Greisen as the only starter left for the last two games (Greisen actually wasn’t a starter at the beginning of the year, but he Wally Pipped Reggie Torbor and has established himself as an integral part of this defense). The next week against Washington, Chase Blackburn went down for the season, and Reggie Torbor went down too, leaving the team to scramble from the practice squad and the unsigned scrapheap to find guys to play the position. It is staggering to think that the Giants have lost four important linebackers thus far, and their recent slump on defense can be chalked up, in large part, to this misfortune.

And going into the postseason, it’s not as if the Giants will get much healthier. Pierce, who had really come on strong as the leader of what was then a very strong defense, is still in a cast, with no timetable yet set for his return. Emmons is out for the year, Blackburn is out for the year, and Torbor is doubtful for this weekend: the Giants will enter the playoffs with only one linebacker who was even remotely close to being in the rotation at the beginning of this year, in Greisen.

The good news is that Kevin Lewis -- a solid, established NFL player who for some reason was banished to the practice squad at the beginning of this year -- stepped up and played a nice game this past Sunday. He can presumably be counted on to hold his own. And Alonzo Jackson, a third year guy from Florida State who was actually a 2nd round draft pick of the Steelers, doesn’t look like a liability either. It is unfortunate that this new linebacking corps will not have had much time to play together, but we can reasonably expect them to improve as they get more experience as a unit. Yes, the Giants have been hit hard by injuries at an inopportune time -- William Joseph and Fred Robbins have been hurt, leaving the D-Tackle duties in the capable but overextended hands of Kendrick Clancy and Kenderick Allen – but so is every team, or so we must tell ourselves.

On offense, the Giants have survived the year intact, with the possible exception of Jeremy Shockey, who is questionable as of this writing. The Giants do have enough weapons to get by without him, but his red zone adroitness is sorely needed for a team that has struggled to punch in touchdowns of late. But aside from the possible – and, one hopes, weatherable -- loss of Shockey, the Giants can expect their offense to continue to play pretty well, as it has recently and has, for the most part, all season. Eli has cut down the interceptions of late (his only recent pick was that play against the Redskins where Shockey broke off his route to plead with the referees, ignoring the ball and leaving it to be snared by the defender), and the previously frustrated Plaxico Burress had a much needed monster game against Oakland that will hopefully reestablish his confidence. And of course, Tiki, who is playing as well right now as any football player I have ever seen. The guy is absolutely unconscious, and will presumably show no ill effects from his ankle tweak this past week. Of course I’m biased, but I really can’t understand the case for Shaun Alexander for MVP. He Won the Rushing Crown, yes, but by a mere 20 yards, while Tiki outgained him in yards from scrimmage by 432 yards. With all due respect to Alexander’s touchdowns, this discrepancy in yards from scrimmage means much, much more.

It should be a good one. Right now, Vegas has the Giants favored by 3, nothing but the obligatory bounce for home field advantage: this line really means that they are equal teams. Either way, this season has been an expectation-surpassing success for the Giants, and an absolute joy for this Giant fan. To the playoffs!

Roger Angel on Tiki Barber

2006-01-03T22:34:00.000-05:00

From this week's New Yorker. Much of the article is basically Angel's wistfully lamenting the fact that modern-day athletes, because of their outlandish physiques, ridiculous salaries, and, in his words, "infantile tastes" are somehow less accessible than they were when he grew up in the 1930s watching good salt-of-the-earth guys like Hank Greenberg and Jimmy Foxx, and that their personalities -- what's Roger Clemens really like? -- are bound to leave us disappointed when contrasted to their excellence on the field. But, to his credit, he catches himself from this false nostalgia and makes the point that we sports fans shouldn't concern ourselves with the fact that Shaq has a Superman beadspread or that Tiki has a gigantic mural of himself in his son's bedroom; these guys still provide us with something sublime and mesmerizing on the field of play. That is all they can give us, that is all that is fair to ask of them, and that is enough.

He is midsized and not particularly fast as running backs go, but here he was, again cruising close to his blockers and then finding the hole or the invisible seam and driving for yardage before disappearing under a vanload of tacklers. The Giants scored a couple of field goals and a touchdown on a pass from Eli Manning to Amani Toomer, but the play of the day was a second-quarter run by Tiki, around the left side and then brilliantly back and forth between grasping and flying frustrated Chief defensemen, forty-one yards, for a touchdown. He ran some more after that, driving in for the twenty-yard clinching touchdown late in the day—it was night by now, and you kept your eye on his gleaming blue helmet in motion, always a little lower than the rest. In the end, he’d run two hundred and twenty yards from scrimmage—and away from us, you might say—for a franchise record, and had compiled 1,577 rushing yards for the season, breaking the team record he set last year.

Super Bowl Shuffle 2

2006-01-02T06:01:00.000-05:00

Contribution by T-money

(played to the original beat)

(Chorus)
We’re the return of the Shufflin’ Crew
Twenty years later, doin’ it for you
We’re Super Bowl bound, we know we’re good
We play the rap game like we lay the wood
We know how to ball, we like to have fun
We’re bringing a little style, so listen up son:
We're not here to start no trouble.
We're just here to do the Super Bowl Shuffle

(Thomas Jones)
First up…Thomas J, Big Stone VA,
My game’s about quicks, you miss and you’ll pay
With the speed to shake you and go around
And the guns to knock your butt to the ground
My personality is sweet, my game’s plenty loud
I’ll for shore make Sayers and Sweetness proud
We’re not doing this because we’re greedy
The Bears are doing this to feed the needy

(Muhsin Muhammad)
Next up its the Moose, I’m the savvy vet
I may be experienced, but I’m not old yet
I’ve been to the Big Dance, I’m achin’ to return
Without a ring my pain will continue to burn
I aim to teach these young cats how to get
You need hands that are soft and legs that can jet
I didn’t come here looking for trouble
I came here to do the Super Bowl Shuffle

(Brian Urlacher)
It’s the M-L-B, heart of the mighty Bears’ D
You come up the middle and I’ll knock you to your knees
I have a legacy to uphold in the Land of the Chi
I’m the third coming of Iron Mike and that Butkus guy
Give me a chance, I'll rock you good,
Nobody messin' in my neighborhood.
You get a first down, and you’ll see me vexed
I have a rep to uphold as the pride of New Mex

(Repeat Chorus)

(Rex Grossman)
I’m the hunky QB, they call me Rexy
I’m a gunslinger by trade, my spiral is sexy
I like to go deep, and my aim is to please
I have a cannon for an arm, and a super bowl dream
I was gone to injury, but for timing I have a knack
Just in time for a quick dance to Detroit and then back
It’s been the Pack’s division since Brett arrived
Get ready it’s Rex and the Second City time

(Lance Briggs)
They call me Biggs, ‘cause my game’s real fat
Junk Yard Dog’s the original qb-killin’ cat
Yet I add a little style and a nose for the ball
I’m Cali raised but learned Chicagoan gall
I love playing in the cold, because my game is hot
If you’re all about D, Chicago’s all you got
We be the home of Kanye, MJ, and the Sox
If you counted us out, prepare to be shocked.

(Kyle Orton)
They say Rexy is our man,
If Rex can’t do it, I sure can.
This is Kyle, I’m known as the rookie,
I may be young, but I’m no dumb cookie,
So bring on Seattle, bring on Indianapolis,
This is for Mike and Papa Bear Halas.
I'm not here to feather his ruffle,
I just came here to do the Super Bowl Shuffle.

(Nathan Vasher)
They call me Vash, and I’m no stranger to the flash
I’m born for this game, don’t ruin my big bash
I be dashin’ and slashin’all over the field
I’ll be patient and awaitin’ the ball to be revealed
Then I make my move, and prepare my big dance
As Fav-re and Frisco learned once I had the chance
Soldier Field is my theatre, and the wind is my friend
I will shoulder the load like a soldier gearing for a Super end.

(Repeat Chorus)

(Adewale Ogunleye)
Known as Wah-lay, I’m a Nigerian prince
Forget all the pageantry, my job is to make qb’s wince
I spy the qb, like I work for the FBI
I eat qb’s for breakfast, especially that Brett Favre guy
Yet I’m not just a sack-master who goes for the big sack
When the rb comes by I’ll give him a nice whack
We love to play for the world's best fans,
You better start makin' your Super Bowl plans.

(Mike Brown)
It’s Browny here, and the D is ready to roll
It’s just like ’01, but this’ll end in the Super Bowl
You know we're just struttin' for fun
Struttin' our stuff for everyone.
We may seem brash, but that’s how we go
The kiddies love football, but here’s the big show
There’s more magic left, so look and you may see
Lovie the mastermind and his mauling D.

(Tommie Harris)
It’s Tommie here, I stop-gap the run,
I ain’t no Tank, but I got a few Tommie guns
I’m only a mortal, but my skill comes from Above
When I knock heads around, show me some love
I can dance, you will see
The others, they all learnin’ from me.
I didn’t come here looking for trouble
I came here to do the Super Bowl Shuffle.

(Repeat Chorus)

The End.

*Hopefully this inspires the Bears to perform the sequel for real. They have a good enough team, so they might as well be bold and declare their impending triumph. In 1985, they performed the Shuffle after week 12. This year, the regular season is over, so they only have a little time left.

Congratulations to Harv and Suzanne!

2006-01-01T18:02:00.000-05:00

on their engagement, as of 3:00 a.m., January 1st, 2006!

Happy New Year!

2005-12-31T23:42:00.000-05:00

New York Giants: 2005 NFC East Champions

Week 16: Redskins 35 - Giants 20

2005-12-30T19:04:00.000-05:00

I had been looking forward to this pilgrimage for quite some time. My father, my brother and I headed down to D.C. to take in the Giants-Skins game, the second to last game of the regular season and a potential division clincher on the day of Christmas Eve. The day got an early start; my brother’s girlfriend Suzanne’s family lives in the DC area, and because Suzanne’s father owns the RV company CruiseAmerica, we were able to procure one of those puppies for what was sure to be a professional quality tailgate. For the 1:00 game, we left the DC area at around 8:30 a.m.. My brother, my father, myself, and even Suzanne were clad in Giants gear. Suzanne’s brother, Bart, and his friend, Chris, Redskins fans both, wore Shaun Taylor and Clinton Portis jerseys, respectively. Suzanne’s mother stayed neutral.

The tailgate was legit. To go along with the RV, we had all sorts of chips with all sorts of dips, a nice mini-grill, brews and brats galore, and a semi-deflated football that we were able to catch with one-hand (beer in the other) after running three-quarter speed patterns. Despite the time of year, the sun came out and gave us gorgeous, 60 degree weather. A few of Bart’s friends rolled up at some point, clad in all sorts of ‘Skins gear, bearing the gifts of more beers and some hamburgers. We were joined by a fellow Giants fan – a friend of Suzanne’s mom – and his daughter, also a G-Men partisan, and for a solid three hours we sat around, tossed the pigskin around, grubbed, and drank beers in the sun.

I had described the tailgate before as “professional quality,” and perhaps it was, but it paled in comparison to some of the displays that surrounded us in the RV parking lot. Six feet high inflatable Redskin dolls, T.V.’s tuned in to NFL countdown, twelve-foot long grills, chairs emblazoned with the ‘Skins logo – they don’t fuck around here in FedEx Field, these guys were for real. But they were friendly too, for the most part, it seemed. We were approached by some fans of both persuasions, the Giants fans glad to have found an ally and the Redskins fans wishing us a good-natured good-luck and commending us for our die-hardness. This one guy, clad in Redskins garb, told us that the Giants sucked, but then went out of his way to complement my brother for his old-school Logo 7, LT 56 jersey. We made our way to the stadium and this big NFC East game.

***

FedEx Field is huge, the biggest stadium in the professional football, seating over 90,000 people, many of tem crammed into the towering, enormous upper deck. All football games are spectacles, but the Redskins famously ham it up: During warm-ups, the marching band blared out an extended version of “Hail to the Redskins” while their impressive cheerleading brigade kicked in rhythm.

I took it all in, and as the stadium filled out, and as people clapped their hands to the old, great, corny fight song, I felt myself taken in by the anticipatory good cheer. But then I turned to the Giants, my Giants, clad in blue and grimly going through their warm-ups, utterly alienated from the FedEx pageantry, the villains, the visiting team, the obstruction to a happy ending for all of these people. But I was with them, and as game time approached, the charm of this Redskins-fest turned, in my mind, into something hostile and ominous. And as an awesome crescendo cascaded down from the massive upper deck to ring in John Hall’s kickoff, I steeled myself to spend the next few hours in enemy territory.

But Chad Morton, who has been in a nice little groove with his returns, is able to sneak through a seam and scamper all the way to midfield before he is run out of bounds, quieting both the crowd and my nerves a bit as the Giants offense takes the field. On the first play from scrimmage, Eli Manning fakes a handoff to Tiki Barber, freeing up Plaxico Burress in single coverage. Eli unleashes a long, arcing toss towards the endzone, but Plaxico, battling the sun, fails to haul it in as the ball bounces off his hands and falls incomplete. An opportunity squandered, and after the Redskins take over for their first possession, they are able to move downfield with the help of a few Giants penalties. They convert a 3rd and 4, another 3rd and 4, and then a 3rd and 5 as Mark Brunell looks solid early on, and from 2nd and 10 from the NYG 17, Brunell hits Santana Moss on a quick wide receiver screen, who loops to the inside to evade Will Allen and then cuts upfield with lightning quickness to avoid the Giants pursuit, jetting 17 yards before diving into the endzone for the score. Small fire works go off, the stadium shrieks, and I stay in my seat.

The crowd stays amped as the kickoff teamers trot out, and the Redskins players implore the crowd, stalking the field, ominously bobbing their heads to the interlude music, and making violent, explosive, full-body movements to gird themselves for the collisions ahead. As I watch the kickoff, I am reminded once again of the gladiatory nature of this crazy sport. These guys are huge, remarkably fast, and are able to concentrate their weight to generate an ungodly amount of violent force. From my seat – squarely behind the endzone on the mezzanine level – I am able to get a very acute sense of this. Perhaps the most amazing thing is their utter disregard that they pay to their safety; concussive blows and disfigured limbs lurk in every collision, but these guys willingly fly into it all with perverse gusto, relishing every bit of pain. Perhaps my apprehension of football's violence at this moment is made more acute by the fact that my Giants have just been utterly marched on and outphysicalled. When you're winning, football is benignly rough, but when you're losing, and contending with a stadium full of rabid Redskins fans, who, decent as many of them probably are at all other times, are barbarically screaming at a terrifying pitch, the game seems brutal.

But the Giants move across midfield on this series and into the outer edge of Jay Feely field goal range, and Feely, ignoring the taunts of the Redskins fans, knocks a 47-yarder down the pipe, giving the Giants some points and mercifully quieting the crowd. I find my brother, who is actually sitting in another, adjacent section, and we exchange a small but sincere fist-pump, and then I locate some other Giants fans in my section and flash similar gestures of encouragement. My dad captures our feeling of relief: "Good. We needed some traction."

Indeed, all us Giants fans were looking for was some sort of foothold to get into this game, but a couple of plays later, we get much more. On 2nd down, Mark Brunell drops back to pass, steps up, and throws confidently, but somehow fails to see linebacker Chase Blackburn dropped into his pass coverage. Blackburn makes the too-easy pick while still in his backpedal, then gathers his momentum and thunders 31 untouched yards into the endzone for the sudden, amazing touchdown. A wonderful break, and now it is our turn to yell and hug and slap hands with strangers sitting two rows back, and to find every Giant fan in sight and point at them and triumphantly pump our fists, making sure that these Redskins fans sees and hears everything, and after Jay Feely knocks in the extra point, it's 10-7 Giants.

But very quickly, the momentum swings back to the Redskins. On 3rd and 9, Brunell eludes pressure and dumps a pass for Clinton Portis, who cuts and darts past the first-down marker. And on the next play, from the Washington 40, Brunell fakes a handoff to Portis and bootlegs around to the left, giving him plenty of time and space to heave a bomb downfield to a wide, wide open Santana Moss. The throw is considerably underthrown, however, potentially giving the severely burnt Will Allen time to recover, but Allen's desperate, flailing attempt to break up the pass is doomed because he is never able to locate the ball: He sprints towards Moss with his back to the quarterback, and the nifty Moss easily outmaneuvers him, corralling the pass and trotting into the endzone for the 59 yard touchdown. So much for the small comfort afforded by that small lead. It's certainly been eventful so far, and there's still 13 seconds to go in the game's opening quarter.

As the teams switch sides for the second quarter, the frantic, back-and-forth pace slows down, as the crowd calms down a bit from its early-game raucousness. The Giants punt, the Redskins punt, the Giants punt, the Redskins punt, and now we're down to 6:13 remaining in the half, the Giants with the ball.

They pick up a first down to move close to midfield, but two plays later, Jeremy Shockey's curl route is rudely interrupted by Redskins linebacker Lemar Marshall, who bumps and grabs Shockey all the while. Indignant over Marshall's flagrant infraction, Shockey turns to the referee to plea for a penalty flag while the play is still going on, and is in mid-complaint when Eli's pass sails past him and into the hands of Marshall, who then whizzes past Shockey and rumbles down to the Giants 20 before going down. The crowd erupts as the Redskins take over in great field position. Shortly after this infuriating play, I get two text messages. The first is from my friend Wong, who is watching at home in New York: "Shockey was raped before the pick." And then, seconds later, from my brother: "Benching-worthy play by Shockey."

But alas, 'Skins ball from the 20, and on their second play, Clinton Portis takes a toss right, hesitates a bit, and then lofts a soft-little halfback pass endzone-wards for an open Chris Cooley, who runs underneath it for the Redskins touchdown. It was Will Allen, it appears, who was responsible for covering that side of the field, and who bought the Portis fake-run hook, line, and sinker, the second time this game that he's been victimized by Washington deception. Quite a turn of events, and with 3:21 remaining in the half, the Redskins have opened up a 21-10 lead.

Things look pretty grim when the Giants take over; to be down 11 on the road against a tough opponent is a highly undesirable predicament. The FedEx crowd has fully re-awakened, and at this point, we are looking at quite the worst-case-scenario.

But in the waning moments of the half, the G-Men put together a timely, gritty, and most importantly, lucky drive. The big plays: An Eli Manning 17-yard seam pass to Visanthe Shiancoe (in for a nicked-up Shockey), a highly questionable personal foul call on Washington’s Walt Harris, and an 11-yard first-down toss to Amani Toomer that brings the Giants down to the Washington 25, before Eli's square-in to Plaxico Burress bounces off his hands, but then is fortuitously grabbed by a diving Amani Toomer off the deflection for the touchdown. And after Jay Feely boots in the PAT, the aisles of FedEx field empty out for the half and my dad and I reconvene with my brother and his girlfriend, who this year, has adopted the G-Men and grown to love them as immediately and unconditionally as Mr. Drummond grew to love Arnold and Willis. "Luckiest drive ever," says my brother, and we all agree that given everything, the Giants are lucky to be down by only 4 points.

***

Most of halftime was spent waiting on line for the bathroom, an extremely unpleasant experience. Drunk assholes in Redskins jerseys, simultaneously emboldened but frustrated by their four-point lead, were getting awfully chippy, seeking out Big Blue partisans and, as my high school football coach would say, "running their mouths." This one guy in a Joe Theisman jersey was particularly bad, cursing and spraying up a vile storm and acting every bit the thwarted, former High School jock asshole whose life hasn't lived up to the promise of those Friday nights of lore, rather actual or embellished. As luck would have it, it was I who found himself next to him on the urinal lines, and as we both approached our respective pissers at the same time, he broke out with something that I had been expecting since four urinators ago: "Hey everyone," said Theisman. "How 'bout we all piss on the Giants fan! Hey everyone, let's all piss on the Giants fan!" Some laughs, and some semi-embarrassed chortle/sneers (snortles?), and from the lizzard-draining Giants fan, a dismissive eye-roll. What else can one do?

He finished before I did, then zipped up and preposterously mimed a pee-on. At this point his jig was up for most of the onlookers, except for this one asshole a couple of spots in back of me who had been egging Theisman on, and who laughed obnoxiously in approbation of Theisman's joke before following with one of his own: "Hurry up Tiki," said Shithead #2, noting the extended duration of my piss. "This isn't New York... Some of us have a train to catch!" He was referencing the transit strike, and although it didn't quite make sense, I applauded him for his topical humor, zipped up, and made my way out of the bathroom and back to my seat for the second half.

***

Redskins ball to begin the half, and the Giants D holds them three-and-out. The Giants get the ball back and start moving, converting a couple of third and shorts -- including a nicely timed, 10-yard scramble by Eli -- to find themselves with 1st and 10 at the Washington 19 Although they fail to pick up a first down from here, Jay Feely trots out to attempt a 29-yard chip shot, which would pull the Giants within 1, a very palatable outcome. But Feely's kick is shockingly blocked, and the crowd erupts as the Redskins take over unscathed. This latest Giants special-teams misadventure begs the question that I pose to my friend Wong, watching from home, in a text message: "Jfs fault?"

"Mad low," Wong replies. Apparently, Feely isn't out of the psychological woods just yet.

When the Redskins resume possession, second-stringer Patrick Ramsey takes the helm at Quarterback; Mark Brunnel, it turns out, was injured while being sacked on the last series. But as long as the 'Skins have the electrifying Santana Moss at their disposal against the woeful Giants secondary -- which is being exposed because Washington's outstanding offensive tackles have contained Michael Strahan and Osi Umenyiora, the Giants Pro-Bowl defensive end duo -- it really doesn't matter who is playing quarterback. After picking up a close but crucial first down, Ramsey drops back and finds Moss in single coverage against Will Allen. He guns a pass to Moss that is a little high, but Moss leaps to snare it as Allen falls by the wayside, and with the ball in his hands and an open patch of green in his vision, Moss takes it the remainder of the distance for the 72-yard touchdown. Only moments after the Giants appeared well-position to take the lead, or al least pull within a point, Moss's third touchdown of the day -- and the fourth touchdown at least partially at Allen's expense -- gives the 'Skins an authoritative 28-17 lead. An annoying family of Redskins fans sitting right in front of us exchanges squealing screams and hugs. The lone guy in the family, a schmuck with a hickish, twangy voice, a crewneck Redskins sweatshirt, and his stringy hair overtaking the adjuster on his Redskins cap, turns to my dad and I and does a bird dance: For what reason, I do not know. "Can you do the bird?!" asks the jubilant douchebag. "Can you do the bird?!" Pissed, but humbled, my dad and I have no answer.

But just when things seem bleakest, something goes the Giants way on their next possession when Redskins cornerback Shawn Springs gets flagged for a 41-yard pass interference, a call that looked a tad ticky-tacky from my vantage. And after a clutch 11-yard first down catch by the reinserted Jeremy Shockey, and then an easy out to Plaxico Burress, the Giants find themselves with a 2nd and 3 from the Redskins 9 yard line, knocking on the door yet again. But a Redskins blitz forces Eli into an unnaceptable 11-yard sack, and the Giants must frustratingly settle for a Jay Feely field goal, which moves them within 8, at 28-20, with three minutes remaining in the third.

It must be mentioned that this is an extremely frustrating state of affairs for the Giants at this point: Since the second half began, they have outplayed the Redskins on a play-to-play basis, but their red-zone inefficiency -- an enduring problem this year -- the blocked kick, and Moss's big play have conspired to keep the Redskins in the lead. But the it's not as if the Giants haven't had their chances.

On their next series, however, Washington sees to it that the Giants won't have any more. Feeding Clinton Portis, their quick and sturdy running back, and playing some old-school, ball-control offense, the 'Skins put together a series of first downs as the third quarter gives way to the fourth. On 3rd and 2 from the Giant 19, Portis surges ahead for two, barely picking up the first down, and on the next play, he bounces his run outside, eluding contain-man Will Allen (!) and darts to the corner for the backbreaking score. 35-20 Washington, as the band strikes up "Hail to the Redskins."

***

The Giants would have a couple more chances to draw close, but their inability to convert in big situations proved to be their undoing. On their next series, they quickly move down to the Washington 29, but then just as quickly find themselves facing a 4th and 6. Needing 15 points in the remaining 11 minutes, Coughlin elects to go for it, but a horrific Manning pass thwarts the Giants and gives the ball back to the 'Skins. The Giants resume possession in short time and again move down into Redskins territory, and with 6:25 left, complete an over-the-top touchdown pass to Amani Toomer which appears to draw them within eight. It might not be over quite yet, and we Giants fans rejoice -- we're still breathing! But a holding penalty on Chris Snee nullifies the touchdown, which gives the Redskins and their fans the last, best laugh of the day. "Bad holding call," texts Wong from his TV vantage, but that doesn't do the Giants any good, and a couple plays later, they again fail to convert a 4th down, giving the 'Skins the ball and the game.

The rest was a mere formality: Portis for 6 -- which puts him over 100 yards for the day -- Portis for 2, and then Portis for 4 and the official, clinching first down as he trots off to a standing ovation. For our part, we've had enough, and we leave FedEx to a chorus of taunts, some more good natured than others. I keep my Tiki jersey on through the gauntlet, gamely responding to the abuse by saying, "See you guys in the playoffs," evoking our still superior record to the Redskins.

We get back to the RV and re-unite with Bart, Suzanne's brother and a Redskins fan. He is classy in victory and attempts to lift our spirits by making small-talk about some of the more exciting plays, but we are beyond consolation. And when he meets back up with his Redskin-fan friends, they exchange hearty guy-hugs and hoots and hollers. It could have been us, but it wasn't, and the divisional champagne will have to stay on ice.

The People of Cleveland Will Have to Suffer for Another Year

2005-12-29T00:55:00.000-05:00

After putting the hurt on the Browns in a 41-0 ass-stomping on Christmas Eve, the Steelers are now in firm control of their playoff destiny. If the Steelers beat the Lions in Pittsburgh they're in. They can also clinch a berth if Cincinnati beats Kansas City or San Diego beats Denver. I'm feeling pretty confident at this juncture because I just can't imagine a scenario where the Steelers wouldn't beat Detroit on Sunday considering that the Steelers just finsihed kicking the shit out of the two best teams in the Lions' division. Assuming the Steelers win, then, they would play their wildcard game in either Foxboro or Cincinnati. Neither of those teams are strangers to the Steelers, who have already lost a close game to the Patsies in Week 3 and are 1-1 against the Bengals. Given the choice, I would much rather play the Bengals. The Bengals played their best game of the season against the Steelers in Week 13 at Heinz Field and still only beat the Steelers by 7 points when the Steelers were arguably at their weakest this season. Since that game the Steelers have been on a fucking roll and hell hath no fury like a team that has recommitted itself to the run. If there's one common trait that all successful playoff teams possess, it's intensity. The team that wants it most rarely loses in the NFL playoffs, unless it's some shitty team that was lucky to even make it that far, like the Jets last year. I think that the class of the AFC this year is still the Colts, the Patriots, and the Steelers because they're the only teams that know what the Super Bowl tastes like, and therefore are going to want it much more than upstarts like Cincinnati, Denver and Jacksonville. The road to the Super Bowl will no doubt be a difficult one for the Black and Gold, but I actually like the way things are shaping up for them. As the sixth seed, there's no way around playing the Colts in the second round, but I would rather play them then than in the AFC Championship because there is a better chance to catch them with their pants down. The Steelers playoff path sort of reminds me of the 1997 Broncos Revenge Tour in which they defeated the Jaguars (who had beaten them in the divisional round the previous year) and the Chiefs and Steelers (who had accounted for two of Denver's four losses that season). There would be nothing sweeter than to knock off Cincinnati in round one, Indianapolis in round two, and New England in the AFC Championship, all on the road. It sounds very difficult, but then again, seemingly impossible circumstances are necessary for miracles to happen.

As a final note, I just want to point out that Sunday may be the last game the Bus plays in Pittsburgh. I'd just like to give a little recognition to one of the greatest players I've had the privilege to watch and root for in my football-watching career.

Why I Hate the Vikings

2005-12-20T15:48:00.000-05:00

Perhaps I went a little overboard last week in my degradation of the Bears. As an act of good faith I would like to take this opportunity to rip on the Minnesota Vikings, a noble gesture that I hope all football fans in Chicago will truly appreciate. First of all, it behooves me to mention I grew up in a predominantly Vikings-loving area of the country, which has given me a deep and penetrating hatred of the Purple People Eaters. A lot of people ask me why I don't like the Vikings. I don't really know how to respond to such a stupid question because I don't understand how anyone could like them. The truth is that nobody likes the Vikings. I know for a fact that the tried and true Vikings fans in Minnesota actually hate the Vikings for all the disappointments and stupid moves they've suffered through over the years. The problem is that people in Minnesota are passive aggressive about shit, so they keep rooting for the Vikings even though they know deep down inside that their season is just going to end in crippling heartbreak as always. To prove that the Vikings are the worst franchise in sports, I have compiled a list of the top-five notorious moments in Vikings history.

1. Losing Four Super Bowls in Eight Years - Even though they were heavily favored, the Vikings lost Super Bowl IV to the Chiefs and Super Bowl IX to Steelers. Their other defeats came at the hands of the Dolphins in Super Bowl VIII and the Raiders in Super Bowl XI. It's a shame that young people today will never truly appreciate just how disappointing the '70s Vikings were because of the more recent Super Bowl futility of the Bills.

2. Herschel Walker Trade - This blunder is widely regarded as the worst sports trade of the modern era. In 1989 the Vikings gave up three first-round picks, three second-round picks, a third-round pick and a sixth-round pick plus five players to Dallas in exchange for Walker, two third-round picks, a fifth-round pick and a tenth-round pick. Dallas parlayed the draft picks into three Super Bowls. Herschel Walker spent three years with the Vikings and never ran for more than 825 yards in a season.

3. Dimitrius Underwood Debacle - The Vikings' first-round draft pick in 1999 was a DE from Michigan State named Dimitrius Underwood. He disappeared one day after the start of the Vikings' training camp; when he was located the Vikings agreed to release him so that Underwood could pursue a career in the ministry. Later in the same preseason Underwood un-retired to join the Dolphins, who had picked him up on waivers. During his tenure in Miami he was arrested during the Dolphins' bye week for nonpayment of child support. He later tried to commit suicide by stabbing himself in the throat and was placed in a mental hospital, from which he subsequently escaped. All of this, however, did not prevent the Cowboys from taking a chance on him. As a Cowboy Underwood was arrested for reckless driving and attempted to kill himself again. After being released by the Cowboys Underwood was arrested in 2003 and found mentally incompetent to stand trial on charges that he robbed a man in a wheelchair.

4. NFC Championship Gutlessness - The 15-1 Vikings lost to the Falcons in the Metrodome in January of 1999 after Gary Anderson, who had not missed a field goal the entire season, botched a 38-yard attempt with the Vikings up by seven and a little over two minutes left in regulation. The Falcons took over on offense and drove the field for a game-tying TD and eventually won the game in overtime on the strength of a Morten Andersen field goal. Two years later the Vikings lost to the Giants 41-0 in the biggest NFC Championship rout in NFL history. The ironic part was that the Vikings could have clinched home field advantage throughout the playoffs if they had won their last regular season game against the Colts. Instead, the Vikings mailed it in, which also happened to give the Colts the victory necessary to edge out the Steelers for the last AFC playoff spot. I hated that fucking team and have never forgiven the Vikings for that game.

5. Sex Boat Scandal - I don't really need to explain this one too much because it happened only a couple of months ago. Basically, the Vikes decided to have an orgy on board a boat in Lake Minnetonka. It makes perfect sense to me, but apparently this sort of bacchanalia is frowned upon in the suburbs of Minneapolis. It supposedly traumatized a few blonde teenage Christian bitches who were working on the boat, but that seems like a small price to pay for an afternoon of group sex. What a bunch of up-tight Lutheran assholes.

Honorable Mention: Wrong-Way Jim Marshall, the Randy Moss trade, Randy Moss running over a traffic cop, Mike Tice crying in the locker room, Tom Clancy's attempt to become their owner, Korey Stringer's death in training camp, missing the playoffs on the last play of the '03 season, allowing the clock to run out on them during the draft, etc.... This list is non-exhaustive; there are likely hundreds, if not thousands, of items you could include, but I simply don't have the resources at my disposal necessary to do a thorough job. I'll leave you now with a picture of the apparatus known as the the Whizzinator, made famous by Vikings RB Onterrio Smith. It comes in white, tan, latino, brown and black. It makes a perfect Christmas or Hanukkah gift. Speaking of which, I hope everyone reading this has a joyous holiday season.

Week 15: Giants 27 - Chiefs 17

2005-12-19T23:10:00.000-05:00

An intensely-pitched affair in the Meadowlands dusk, with a December chill and the accompanying late-season rabidity in the air. It was sure to be a tough one against the Kansas City Chiefs, a talented bunch who were faced with a must-win situation if they wanted to keep their playoff hopes alive in the deep, difficult AFC. As usual, the Chiefs boasted an explosive offense, a unit that comes into the game with a DVOA (an advanced metric created by the intelligent folks at footballoutsiders.com that breaks down each play of the season and adjusts based on situation and opponent, which you can read about further by clicking on my simplified explanation here) of 23.3%, good for fifth in the league. They are driven by the bruising but smooth running of Larry Johnson, a stallion of a running back with a huge chip on his shoulder who makes his living behind a physical and cohesive offensive line. Johnson has put up some truly eye-popping numbers going into this one: In his six starts since replacing the injured Priest Holmes, he has rushed for 852 yards and 10 touchdowns, earning himself the NFL player of the month award for November and the distinction of being the hottest player in the league.

This doesn’t bode well for the banged-up Giants, who are grappling with the loss of Antonio Pierce – out with a nasty high-ankle sprain that might keep him out for the rest of the regular season – and the more recent news of the pre-game scratch of Carlos Emmons, depletions which leave undrafted free agent rookie Chase Blackburn entrusted with the all-important middle linebacking/run-stuffing duties. And young Blackburn looks every bit the overwhelmed rookie for much of the first half, as the Chiefs big and precise offensive line blasts open sizable holes that the fine Johnson navigates. After a brisk, intense first quarter in which both teams are able to move the ball but do not score, the Chiefs find themselves on the verge of drawing first blood with a 1st and goal at the 3. But the Giants defense, spurred on by the urgings of the Meadowlands crowd, digs in for a huge goal line stand, capped off by linebacker Nick Griesen’s hard-nosed stop on 3rd down, where he successfully drives back a lead block into the onrushing Johnson, stuffing the play and keeping the Chiefs out of the endzone.

Kansas City is forced to settle for three, and the Giants answer on their ensuing series. Tiki Barber, who had struggled to find running room early against a Chiefs defense that came into the game with a top-ranked defensive run DVOA of –19.3%, finally has some success on this drive, taking a counter for nine and then a lead for seven before taking a toss, decisively cutting it up off a Jim Finn block to squirt his way through a seam, and then eluding a lunging leg-tackle attempt before emerging into the secondary. Once sprung into space, Tiki sidesteps a Chiefs safety before cutting it upfield off a persistent blocking job by Plaxico Burress, running through a feeble tackle by Cornerback Eric Warfield, who, fighting through Burress’ block, never got a good sense of where Tiki was or where he was going. Such is Tiki’s improvisational brilliance, as he then scurries for another five or so yards down the sideline before he shucks safety Sammy Knight with the help of another block by the hustling Burress, and then continues his way up the sideline. A couple of Giants fly into the picture, creating chaos for the three Chiefs defenders who can’t seem to get a grip on the slippery Tiki, whose spontaneous resourcefulness in such confined quarters resembles that of a cockroach. Sammy Knight, having flown on his ass in a previous tackle attempt, takes another shot at him, but Tiki deftly dances out of this last tackle, miraculously emerging into daylight as he scampers the remaining fifteen or so yards for an amazing 41 yard touchdown. The Meadowlands is ecstatic and their team is now in the lead.

But the resilient Chiefs come right back on their turn, and they appear to be advancing deep into Giant territory when Trent Green completes a twenty-four yard square-in to Sammie Parker in front of the struggling Curtis Deloach. But Deloach jars the ball loose from Parker as he’s making the tackle, and the Giants recover. And after a couple of Eli Manning passes push the Giants back into Chiefs territory, Jay Feely is called upon for a 41-yard field goal, another big test for the Giants unsteady kicker. At first it appears that Feely has pushed it right, but at the last instant, the ball re-directs itself and sails comfortably through. The Giants now lead 10-3, and will go into the locker room at halftime with that score.

But the angry, desperate Chiefs storm right back after the intermission, moving down the field on the strength of another Trent Green completion to Sammie Parker in front of Curtis Deloach – who, it can now be said with reasonable certainty, just doesn’t seem to have the start ‘n’ stop quickness required to cover NFL receivers – and a couple of runs by Larry Johnson get them down to the Giants 14, before Johnson gallops through a huge hole – created, it must be mentioned, by a flagrant hold on Michael Strahan -- for a quick and easy Chiefs touchdown which draws the score even at 10-10.

Despite the Giants excellent defense and the Chiefs above-average unit, it is the offenses that have ruled the day, moving up and down the field with relative ease to this point. So to no one’s surprise, the Giants find themselves down in Chiefs territory on their ensuing possession, largely on the strength of a nice 18-yard counter run by Tiki Barber. But on 3rd and 7 from the Kansas City 32, Eli Manning drastically underthrows an open Plaxico Burress, and the ball is intercepted by Kansas City’s Dexter McCleon. Burress was open, and a good throw might have resulted in a Giants touchdown, but Eli’s duck – yet another bad throw from the struggling young quarterback who, after a decent enough start to today’s game, has reverted back to the inaccurate form that he’s displayed during the latter part of this season – squanders the chance for points and gives the ball back to the Chiefs.

But the Giants get the ball back soon enough, and on their first play from scrimmage, Tiki Barber follows a Chris Snee pull and a Jim Finn lead through a small, evolving seam, the type of seam that only a genius like Tiki can visualize. He then deftly cuts off a Shaun O’Hara seal and a plucky, resilient block by Amani Toomer to find himself running free down the sideline, sprinting full-out until he is finally chased down in Chiefs territory after a gain of 55 yards. Two plays later it is Tiki again for another first down on the counter – the Tiki special -- and a little later, once they are established in field goal range, Jay Feely confidently bangs in the thirty-five yarder, his seventh field goal in a row after his horrible outing in Seattle and the clanging miss against Dallas, putting the Giants in the lead once again.

And as the Big Blue defense trots out to defend this slim lead, the Meadowlands crowd rises to life. Giants fans might not be the loudest in the NFL in terms of pure decibels, but they are capable of emitting that deep, intimidating roar that is unique to New York crowds, the howl of the soulful, passionate fan. And through the years, nothing brings out the passion of the Giants fans more than tough, blue-collar, disciplined defense that Big Blue brings on the Chiefs ensuing series that forces a three-and-out and a subsequent punt.

It is no surprise that these strong, evenly matched teams have given us a close game, a taut struggle that has brought a heightened intensity to each potentially pendulum-swinging play. Blocks are finished off, and receptions are celebrated with meaningful fist-pumps. On their next series, the Giants are able to move into KC territory on the strength of a (questionable) roughing the passer penalty and another beautiful Tiki counter run – the crowd has broken out into that Only in New York, four-laudatory-syllable “TI-KI BAR-BER” chant -- before Eli Manning his Amani Toomer over the middle on a little curl route, who, after making the catch, puts his head down to butt trough a confrontation with two Chiefs defenders, and even as his knee almost touches the ground, he somehow manages to peel out of the contact and improbably spring himself up to a running position before taking it to the house for another astounding Giants touchdown. A replay confirms this strange play: Toomer’s knee looked like it never actually touched the ground, but part of his calf probably did. What’s the call? I don’t know, but the officials say their touchdown call stands, and the Giants lead by ten.

But whatever comfort that Toomer’s touchdown might have afforded is short-lived, as the Chiefs march right back down on the strength of a Trent Green pass to the superb Tony Gonzalez and a pass interference call on Curtis Deloach, who has somehow retained the loyalty of Tom Coughlin despite play that was spotty at the beginning of the year and has only gotten worse. All of a sudden it is 1st and goal at the Giants 1, and there’s no goal line stand this time, as Larry Johnson vaults across the plane with relative ease, pulling his Chiefs back within three.

The Giants get the ball back with this slim three point lead and 8:18 left on the game clock. It is clear that this Chiefs offense isn’t going away, so it is imperative that the Giants get more points. Like most teams, the G-Men have shown a historical susceptibility to sitting on leads that aren’t big enough to warrant that degree of complacency. Too often, prudent caution morphs into unaggressive predictability, as the ball and the game’s momentum swing over to the trailing, but hungrier team. But on this day, the Giants have a special running back who is having a game for the ages. Tiki can’t miss; the game is moving slower for him than everyone else, his ability to see and react on another level than that of the other twenty-one men. On this important series, he finds a hole for eight and then, although hemmed in, somehow turns a seemingly certain loss into a first down.

The clock continues to tick – inside 4:00 -- as the Giants continue to march, and after a few more plays and a critical first down completion to Plaxico Burress put them well into Chiefs territory, it is Tiki again, who takes a toss and patiently waits for his blocking to develop before cutting up through a seam and using his exquisite body control to elude a crashing tackle by Junior Siavii before emerging into the secondary, following another good, tenacious block by Plaxico Burress up the alley, and then dragging Greg Wesley for an astounding eight yards across the plane for the touchdown. The Giants go up by ten, the Meadowlands is going berserk, Gary Glitter’s “Hey Song” blares throughout the stadium, Tiki jumps into Dave Diehl’s arms, and Tom Coughlin, of all people, is beaming and doing full-arm, underhanded fist-pumps like a little kid. A spectacular performance like this makes little kids out of all of us, I suppose.

The Chiefs go into hurry up mode when they resume possession, but this game is over. A nice Corey Webster interception is nullified by a highly questionable roughing the passer call on Osi Umenyiora, but a couple of plays later, Green sails a pass over Tony Gonzalez’ head and into the arms of safety James Butler, who after jitterbugging for sixteen yards in sheer excitement after his first NFL pick, prudently goes to the ground and secures both the ball and a satisfying Giants victory.

As the clock winds down, Giants players are exhorting their fans, most of whom have stayed, into keeping up the noise and intensity until the very last moment of this last Giants regular season home game. Including the “road” game against the Saints that was played in the Meadowlands, the Giants have gone 8-1 in the Jersey Meadowlands this year. The upcoming next and last two games of the regular season, both for the Giants and their fellow NFC division leaders the Panthers and Bears, will determine the playoff picture from here on in. It is highly probable that these Meadowlands fans will see their G-Men in action again (hopefully in the second round, after a bye week), but for now, these rejoicing last couple of minutes afford an opportunity for Big Blue to soak up some much deserved adulation. It’s been a good year.

But the day belonged to Tiki Barber, the man who set the Meadowlands on fire, the little big man who carried his team to a crucial victory against a good team. On his 29 carries, he ran for 220 yards, a Giants team record and the highest rushing total that the NFL has seen since 2003. Tiki is an original, an artist of a back whose improvisational style is unlike anybody I’ve ever seen. Even people like Barry Sanders and LaDainian Tomlinson, two of the most jaw-dropping runners of all time, stand apart because of their physical gifts as runners, their freakish ankles, balance, and thighs. But with Tiki it is something different: it’s the way he sees and reacts to the action before him, and not so much his sheer physical attributes. Watching Tiki on this day reminded me of interview that I saw with Franco Harris, in which he defends himself against those who criticized his infamous propensity to go out of bounds at the end of runs. Franco says, in so many words, that football is a game of subtle angles and not the macho square-off that people sometimes make it out to be. This quote can just as easily apply to Tiki; when Tiki breaks tackles, it isn’t in the head-down, man-up barrel-through that characterizes some of the more well known tackle-breakers, but rather a balletic maneuver that adroitly accounts for both his momentum and the momentum of his would-be tacklers. Improbably, Tiki emerges, still scampering.

Kudos, too, to the offensive line, a patched-together unit that did a terrific job in the absence of both starting tackles. The Giants didn’t suffer any injuries in this game either, which they could ill-afford after last Sunday’s rather Pyrrhic victory against the Eagles. Onto Our Nation’s Capital for another tough NFC-Easter against the ‘Skins, with a chance to wrap up the division and clinch another home game in East Rutherford.

Tiebreaker Primer

2005-12-18T19:05:00.000-05:00

Excellent breakdown on tiebreaking scenarios by my brother. It basically breaks down our tiebreaker status vis a vis (as Tavis Smiley would say) Carolina. As far as the Bears go, they're ahead of both teams tiebreaker-wise, so we need to hope they lose to the Falcolns tonight:

Yo, here's how the tiebreakers with the Panthers breaks down:

If both Carolina and the G-Men win out, they'll both finish 9-3 in the conference, so it'll go to record against common opponents, which are Minnesota, New Orleans, Dallas, and Arizona. We're 3-2 against those teams -- they are 3-1 right now and this is assuming they beat Dallas next week to go 4-1, so we'll lose the tiebreaker.

We're in a better position for the tiebreaker if we both lose next week and then both win in week 17 -- then common opponents would be tied at 3-2 and it would go to "strength of victory." Which is retarded because clearly strength of schedule should matter more -- they lost to the Fish and Aints. Right now, we're slightly ahead in strength of victory.

If we finish tied because we lost to the Raiders and they lost one of their two games ('Boys and Falcons), or because we lose both and they lose both, we'll get the tiebreaker on conference record. Of course, if that happens, and the Skins beat the Eagles in Week 17, they'll win the division.

Week 14: Giants 26 - Eagles 23

2005-12-15T00:34:00.000-05:00

This was supposed to be the easy part for the Giants, a breather of a game against one of the NFL’s derelicts, an opportunity to collect themselves after an intense couple of games against two of their stronger conference rivals. The Giants hoped that their game against the Eagles would amount to nothing more than a quick, efficient business-trip: Head down the turnpike, do what we have to do, and be home by midnight with wifey and the kid. After all, they were facing a Philadelphia team that was a far cry from the championship caliber team that had tormented the Giants for the past few seasons. These Eagles slumped into today’s action as losers of five of their last six games, most ignominiously this past Monday night in a 42-0 drubbing at the hands of the Seahawks, an undressing that was witnessed not only by the mortified Philly Phaithful but also a national television audience on “Monday Night Football.” After the game came more dissention in a Philadelphia locker room that has housed its share of bitterness this year, when linebacker Jeremiah Trotter accused his teammates of quitting on the season, surely the most damning accusation in all of sports these days. He caught a lot of flack for his bluntness, but the 42-0 score spoke louder than the his teammates' indignant rebuttals.

It is remarkable how quickly a team can lose its elite status accompanying aura of intimidation in today’s NFL. To illustrate this, let’s look back not even a decade ago at the Dallas Cowboys in the waning years of their run of excellence, when the same guys who wore the same uniform were no longer winning the same Super Bowls. While Troy Aikman (commentating today’s telecast for Fox) might have had suffered one too many concussions, while Emmit Smith had entered that all-too-identifiable decline phase of a running back’s career, and while the defense had lost its physical edge, the Cowboys remained a feared opponent, and Texas Stadium an enduringly intimidating place. Not so with the 2005 Eagles, and their soulless neo-cookie cutter of a venue, Lincoln Financial Field. This team is a vanquished bunch, ravaged by injuries and exhausted by a season of worst-case scenarios. Today they are on their death bed; if the Giants win, they are mathematically eliminated from defending their NFC crown. The fans still fill out the stadium, but listlessly so.

***

The obligatory music, the usual implorations to the crowd by the special teamers, and a half-assed crescendo usher in David Akers’ kickoff, and we’re underway. The Giants offense, a unit that has struggled of late to match the fire-power that it displayed at the beginning of the season, trots out to take the field. During their first four games, the Giants rolled up a league high 34 points per game, and boasted a DVOA – and advanced metric that breaks down every play of the season that takes situation and opponent into account, developed by the smart folks at footballoutsiders.com, and discussed in brief in my post here – of 35.2%, good for fourth best in the league. But since then, while they’re not exactly sputtering, they have slowed down considerably, and come into this game on the heels of a grinding struggle against the Cowboys in which the offense only managed ten points; their DVOA has fallen to 7.3%, still good enough for eleventh in the league, but far from their earlier high-poweredness. No small portion of the blame for this flagging offense can be placed on the spotty play of quarterback Eli Manning, who has seen his quarterback rating fade from 97.4 after week 4 to 78.9 going into this game -- certainly not bad for the second year pro, but far from the instant superstardom that he had seemingly already achieved in the season’s early going. And he is coming off his worst game of the year, a 12/31, 2 interception stinker against the Cowboys, in which he struggled with his accuracy, his touch, and perhaps most worrisome, his decisions.

The Eagles defense, while not the elite unit that consistently carried them to the top of the NFC, is still fairly decent, coming into the game with a DVOA of -7.9%, ranking a solid eleventh in the league. As ugly as the 42-0 pasting by the Seahawks might appear upon first blush, it was much more the fault of the offense than the defense, who only gave up 194 yards.

But the Giants offense comes out sharp on their opening drive, marching down the field with a precision that had been absent the week before, seemingly confirming the Eagles fans’ suspicion that their team has phoned it in. Eli Manning completes three of three 3rd down attempts on this drive, including a lofting 28 yard toss to a wide open Jeremy Shockey that takes the Giants deep into Eagles territory. A few plays later, on 2nd and Goal from the 4, Eli gets flushed from the pocket before dumping one off to safety-valve Tiki Barber, who turns and charges into a goal-line confrontation with strong safety Brian Dawkins. Dawkins rebuffs Tiki initially, but Shaun O'Hara hustles from behind and throws his 315 lbs into the equation, driving the Tiki-Dawkins stalemate across the plane and staking the Giants to an opening drive touchdown.

Already in a hole, these Eagle fans have little reason for optimism as their makeshift offense takes the field. At the beginning of this year, this offense had expectations of continuing their residence among the league’s best, but the loss of their superstar quarterback-receiver tandem, Donovan McNabb and Terrell Owens, compounded by the more recent loss of the dangerous running back Brian Westbrook, has left the Eagles offense in shambles. Last week, quarterback Mike McMahon, McNabb’s erratic replacement, threw three interceptions in the first half, two of which were returned for scores en route to a second half benching. By default McMahon gets the call again today, alongside a collection of no-names at the skilled positions.

But on the Eagles second play, McMahon completes a deep seam to tight end LJ Smith, one of the few familiar faces from the glory years of less than 365 days ago. And two plays later, rookie running back Ryan Moats – a player known only to Eagles fans and hard core fantasy football players – bounces his run to the outside, outruns the Giants pursuit to the corner, flies around the bend, and sprung by a devastating block by fullback Josh Parry, scampers all the way down the sideline for a 40 yard Eagle touchdown. A wake-up call, and the crowd springs to life.

But the Giants offense came to play today, and they come out frisky on the next series, getting all the way down into Eagle territory on the strength of a big pass interference penalty and a questionable roughing the passer call. But on 3rd and 8 from the 20, the Giants get whistled for a false start by Bob Whitfield, an old, grizzled veteran who has seen better days and has, unfortunately, replaced Luke Petitgout at the all-important left tackle position after Petitgout went out with back spasms. On the next play, a devastating thirteen yard sack backs the Giants all the way to the 38 and out of field goal range, and Jeff Feagles comes on to punt it away as the Giants squander a chance for points.

The news gets worse for the Giants on the next play: Antonio Pierce, the middle linebacker who has been, in Michael Strahan’s words, the “heart and soul” of the improved defense, suffers a nasty ankle injury when he gets awkwardly twisted undern a pile. He winces on the ground, and is later carted off the field. But even without Pierce, the Giants are able to knuckle down and stop the Eagles, and they re-assume possession close to midfield. From this point they go back to work, led by some crisp Eli Manning throws and a fabulous run by Tiki Barber, who deftly follows a Dave Diehl pull to burst into the secondary, and then makes a bounding cut to the outside to spring himself all the way down to the 1. But just as they did three weeks ago against the Eagles, the Giants fail to punch it in on their first three tries, bringing up a 4th and goal from the 1 and the Eagles fans to their feet. The suspense of the pivotal play builds as Eli calls out the cadence. He takes the snap and sneaks through a tiny crease, barely ducking under the guided missle who is the vaulting Eagle linebacker Jeremiah Trotter, and falls forward into the endzone for the touchdown. 14-7 Giants.

An Eagle three-and-out gives the ball back to the Giants, and after a 27 yard catch by Plaxico Burress – putting him over 1,000 yards on the year – and a 3rd down reception by Tiki Barber, the Giants find themselves at 1st and goal from the 7, on the doorstep of a commanding lead. But another penalty by the creaky, rusty Bob Whitfield sets them back ten yards and torpedoes their chance at a touchdown. Jay Feely is called on to knock in a 24-yard field goal, and even the shaky kicker is okay to hit the chip shot. With five minutes remaining in the half, the Giants are off to a nice 17-7 lead.

But just when it seems that the Eagles are ready to be put to bed, they answer with a few quick plays that get them inside the Giants twenty, and then Ryan Moats dashes another handoff around the outside and up the sideline, shaking off a Brett Alexander tackle as he pounces into the endzone for his second exhilarating touchdown run of the day, cutting the Giants lead to 3. The Eagle strikes have been really quick; given the amount of time that the Giants have had the ball, it seems odd that the game is as close as it is. But this patchwork squad has proven game, and the Philly crowd is beginning to smell an upset.

Clearly, this wasn’t the easy game the Giants had wished for, and things get worse when starting right tackle Kareem McKenzie goes down with what appears to be a serious hamstring injury, pushing the total to four major injuries on the day: Petitgout, Pierce, McKenzie, and also William Joseph, who injured his leg in his first game back from an elbow injury that had kept him out of the previous three games. The Giants have been blessed with good health all season, but this game has brought an avalanche of misfortune. Because they are missing both offensive tackles, the Giants have to some mixing and matching on the line, moving left guard Dave Diehl to right tackle, plucking Jason Whittle off the bench to play Diehl's vacated left guard spot, while sticking Old Bob Whitfield at left tackle. On defense, Nick Griesen, who had excelled as the weakside linebacker, moves to the middle to replace Pierce, with Reggie Torbor coming in to replace Griesen at the weakside spot. Thankfully, the Giants relative health has left them with solid depth, but a season’s long worth of good luck has ended abruptly.

The effect of the injuries is clear on the Giants next posession, as Jason Whittle, rusty from disuse, commits two penalties on the Giants next possession that contribute to a quick Giants punt, which is darted back by Reno Mahe all the way to midfield. The Eagles offense, led by the plucky McMahon, eagerly jumps out there, and three quick plays to the scatty Mahe yield 27 yards and take the ball down to the Giants 24, decently sure field goal range for the stellar Dave Akers. On the next play, the Giants catch a potential break when LJ Smith gets called for an offensive pass interference penalty, but Coach Coughlin inexplicably declines the penalty -- which would have pushed the Eagles back 10 yards and into much more uncertain Akers terrain at the 34 -- instead choosing to stick the Eagles with 4th down, but an extremely makeable 42 yard field goal for the excellent Akers. Akers drills the kick with ease, and going into the half, the Eagles have battled all the way back to a 17-17 tie.

***

Perhaps just as surprising as the fact that the Eagles are still in this game is that it’s their offense, at the expense of a suddenly vulnerable Giants defense, that is responsible. The Eagles have put up 212 yards, including 122 rushing yards against a Giants defense that came into the game averaging an excellent 3.6 yards allowed per carry. The Giants offense looks excellent too in accumulating 247 yards, their skilled players running free in the secondary and for big chunks of yardage. But every time that they appear on the verge of taking control of the game, the Eagles are able to answer with points of their own.

As Jay Feely’s kick ushers in the second half, it is clear that the Giants are in for a much tougher fight than they anticipated. The Eagles pick up where they left off and drive down to the Giants 23, but a penalty and a sack push them back and force a 50 yard David Akers field goal attempt. Akers has been the consensus best kicker in the league for the past few years, and he thumps this one pretty good and pretty straight, but it doinks off the crossbar, no good, and the Giants resume possession.

As they have been able to do all day long, the Giants move the ball effectively on this drive, converting two 3rd and longs – Eli Manning has gone 8 for 9 on 3rd down thus far, Troy Aikman informs us -- that give them a 1st and goal at the 2 yard line. But the Giants recent read zone ineptitude rears its ugly head once again, as they manage to lose a yard over the next three plays. Jay Feely comes on and knocks in a 21 yarder, giving the Giants a three point lead that should have been more. Their next drive brings them back into the red zone, but they squander yet another opportunity, forcing them to settle for yet another field goal, which pushes the lead to a very unsatisfying six points.

But as often happens when teams fail to maximize opportunities, the Eagles make them pay on the next drive, as rookie Corey Webster’s struggles continue when he passively allows a possible interception to be snared from his gut by receiver Reggie Brown for a big gain – yet another missed opportunity – and a few plays later, David Akers hammers home a 36 yarder, halving the lead just like that. With 10:32 remaining in the game, the Eagles just keep nipping at the Giants’ heels.

As the game approaches the home stretch, the Iggles fans have found their customary rowdiness, as Lincoln Financial Field comes alive with nothing-to-lose abandon as their defense takes the field. They erupt a few plays later when Eli Manning -- who has played pretty well up to this point -- makes a crucial mistake, overthrowing Jeremy Shockey for an interception by Eagles cornerback Sheldon Brown. The Eagles take possession around midfield, and a quick burst by Ryan Moats and then a McMahon toss to Bobby McMullen give them a 1st and ten at the Giants 34. The Giants defense is able to stiffen at this point, though, forcing David Akers to attempt a difficult 50 yard field goal, a yard longer than where he had missed in the third quarter. But this time, Akers’ kick has plenty of leg; he could have hit it from 60 yards out. Tie game, and Lincoln Financial is feeling it, with 1:56 remaining.

***

Despite Eli Manning’s inconsistency, he has displayed a champion’s poise in critical, late game situations that has endeared him to Giants fans, and perhaps more importantly, his teammates. It started in a week 6 loss to the Cowboys, when Eli, after struggling through his worst game of the year to that point, shook off the day’s malaise and led the Giants to a game tying touchdown. The very next week at the Meadowlands, Eli rung in his status as a clutch, New York athlete by beating the powerful Broncos on a dramatic, heart-stopping touchdown drive, sending the Meadowlands into a frenzy in what has been, but hopefully won’t ultiately be, the highlight of the 2005 season. Against the Vikings and Seahawks, Eli led his team to desperate last-gasp touchdowns and subsequent two-point conversions to keep his team’s chances alive, even though they wound up losing both games. For whatever rookie problems he’s having, or “growing pains,” as the current, ex-athlete talking head-lexicon would have it, whether it is mental fatigue or imperfect mechanics, a certain lucidity comes over him in these pivotal moments, a lucidity that lets New York fans all they need to know about their bonus baby: He’s a winner.

Everything seems to be going according to plan when Eli completes successive twelve yard and fourteen yard passes to Jeremy Shockey and Tim Carter, which bring the Giants across midfield to the Philadelphia 46. Two plays later, it is Shockey again who finds himself wide open in the secondary, roaming free, perfectly positioned in a soft spot of the zone for Eli to loft him a nice, easy ball for a big gain that will get the Giants into field goal range. But Eli, perhaps overanxious at the prospect of seeing a potentially game-winning play so thrillingly develop before him, puts way too much on his throw, sailing it way over Shockey’s head and into the chest of Eagles safety Michael Lewis for another untimely interception. A good throw would have given the Giants a chance to win the game, but Eli’s second interception in three minutes has given the Eagles a reprieve, and we’re going to overtime in the cold Philadelphia night.

The third overtime of 2005; the Giants are 0-2 in their previous two attempts in the extra session, having lost both coin tosses, and their luck doesn’t look to be improving when Tiki Barber’s Tails call – last time he called Heads – proves wrong, giving the Eagles the first crack at a sudden-death win. Another bad break befalls the Giants when, after Mike McMahon finds Greg Lewis on 3rd and 8, the umpire’s generous spot gives the Eagles a questionable first down by half the length of a football. But the drive is snuffed out shortly after that, as the indominable Michael Strahan makes two big plays – including a sack on 3rd and 12, his eleventh and a half of the year – which force an Eagle punt.

On come Eli and the Giants for their turn. Again they are able to move the ball, and when Tiki Barber slithers for ten yards, crossing midfield and for a 1st down at the Philly 42, the Giants are once again a first down or so from victory. But two plays later on 3rd and 3, Eli throws one low to an open Jim Finn, who himself doesn’t make the most dexterous effort at catching the ball. This brings up 4th down from the 35 yard line, and Coach Coughlin a critical decision. Two weeks ago, confronted with almost exactly the same decision, Coughlin showed faith in Jay Feely, electing to send out his kicker, who, aside from an uncharacteristic miss a few minutes earlier at the end of regulation, had displayed a strong leg and good consistency all season long. Two weeks later, it is a much easier decision, but for all the wrong reasons; Coughlin doesn’t even entertain the thought of inserting the shaky Feely, deciding instead to go for it. But a ferocious Eagles blitz, a pre-2005 Eagles blitz, collapses the pocket on Eli Manning, forcing him to flail a half-deflected prayer that doesn’t even make the line of scrimmage before it is intercepted by Brian Dawkins, which turns out to be inconsequential because Dawkins is unable to generate any return. Another opportunity squandered, and Eagles ball again.

But the Eagles offense is beginning to show signs of fatigue, as the Giants have been able to apply some pretty consistent pressure, finally finding their groove at just the right time. Eagles tackle Artis Hicks’ holding penalty backs his offense into a 1st and 20, and after 1st and 2nd down yield zero yards, the Eagles are faced with a daunting 3rd and long. The Giants pass rush comes, and an improvising Mike McMahon uses his considerable athleticism to break the containment of the pocket, scrambling to the wing to buy himself and his receivers some time. But the Giants’ Carlos Emmons steps up to greet him from his linebacker position, forcing McMahon to halt his roll-out. He cocks his arm to wing one downfield, but before he can whip it forward, Osi Umenyiora comes crashing in from his blindside, stripping him of the ball and sending it skidding on the grass. Kenderick Allen of the Giants happens to be the closest man; he charges, pounces, and cradles, and the Giants take possession at the Philadelphia 27. After a rough first half, the defense has finished strong, and they trot off the field having positioned their team for a chance to win the game.

The Giants cannot get a first down on their ensuing set, but they do manage nine yards, setting Jay Feely up for what is, under normal circumstances, a relatively easy 36 yard field goal attempt. Nothing more about Feely needs to be said; it’s a pretty typical sports head-case situation, but it’s worth mentioning that the Lincoln Financial Field Jumbotron played a montage of Feely’s misses of the previous two weeks, backgrounded by music that Feely would later describe as “eerie.” After Andy Reid calls time to ice him, Feely lines up his kick. The snap is good, the spot is good, and Feely’s kick looks plenty good at first, but then it takes a drastic turn for the left upright. God only knows whether the ball will intersect the plane of the upright in front of the upright – another, possibly career crippling choke – or behind it – redemption. The ball sneaks itself in behind the upright, Feely points to the sky, and sixty large men in dirty white uniforms gratefully bound toward the smallest one of them. The Giants have escaped with a victory.

Chicago: City of Broad Shoulders and No Balls

2005-12-11T22:01:00.000-05:00

If you happen to notice that people in Chicago are walking a little funny this week, it's probably because their assholes are sore from having the foot of the Pittsburgh Steelers in it for about three hours on Sunday afternoon. These Bears fans can certainly talk the talk, but they obviously can't walk the walk. I have to admit that I hadn't watched a Bears game all year (because they suck and they're boring), but I had been hearing a lot of hype about how their defense was supposed to be comparable to the '85 Bears or the '00 Ravens. They entered the day leading in most defensive statistical categories and had propelled the Bears to an eight-game win streak and had the Second City talking of a first-round bye in the playoffs. Sixty minutes of football later the Bears were left pondering a 21-9 drubbing by a newly-inspired Steelers squad.

The Bears really should be ashamed of themselves. As you can see, it was a cold snowy December Sunday, the kind of atmosphere that is just begging for a dominating defensive performance. To make the Bears pathetic display even more embarrassing, the Steelers were starting a second-year player in Max Starks and a rookie from Northwestern in Trai Essex as their two offensive tackles. Where was Alex Brown? Where was Adewale Ogunleye? The Bears failed to record even one sack against the Steelers. The Steelers ran the ball 46 times for 190 yards. The Bus ran for almost a hundred yards in the second half alone. I don't want to hear any of "our defense was on the field too long and got tired" shit either. The Steelers manhandled them from the opening drive. Meanwhile, the Bears only managed 83 yards on the ground. Orton didn't do shit (big surprise there), but anyone who thinks that Rex Grossman is the answer is completely off base. Bears fans need to realize something - Rex Grossman sucks. Bears fans should consider themeselves lucky they have Orton, because otherwise it would be Chad Hutchinson, Shane Matthews or, god forbid, Kordell Stewart playing QB. The Bears should just appreciate the fact that they aren't one of the five worst teams in the NFL for a change and not start expecting Super Bowls. And make no mistake about it, this Bears team is nowhere near a Super Bowl caliber team. If the Bears were in the AFC they would be, at tops, the ninth best team. Now, I think it's really neat that the Bears compile gaudy records once every four or five years due to the fact that they get lucky and play a last-place schedule. It's a cute little story for the media to cover because their fans get all excited and start talking about their glory day of Super Bowl XX and other shit that no one outside of Chicago gives a shit about. But, Second Citizens, please realize that a team of little girls like the Bears will always lose to a group of men like the Pittsburgh Steelers. It's really a shame that all this ink has been spilt over an overrated defense that only plays tough against the Lions and Saints. The big bad Bears are actually big fucking pussies. This loss single-handedly precludes this defense from ever being mentioned in the same breath as the '85 Bears or the '00 Ravens. First be the best defense on the field on Sunday, then start worrying about whether you're the best of all time. The Bears should be Super Bowl shufflin' on back to Chicago with their tails between their legs.

In case you were looking for proof that this world isn't a fair place, because the NFC is so shitty (and the NFC North is particularly shitty) the Bears are pretty much guaranteed to host a playoff game (which they will most likely lose like they did in 2001), while the Steelers are battling it out with the Jaguars, Chiefs and Chargers for the two wildcard spots in the AFC. The Jaguars seem to have the inside edge on the #5 seed, but after the Chargers and Chiefs lost on Sunday, there is a three-way tie for the #6 slot. If you look at the remaining schedule the Steelers clearly are in the driver's seat. If they can beat the Vikings in Minnesota, the Browns in Cleveland, and the Lions at home they will be 11-5. The Chiefs and Chargers play each other in two weeks, so the loser of that game will be eliminated from playoff contention. The Chiefs' other two games are against the Giants at the Meadowlands and hosting the Bengals. The Chargers still have to play at Indianapolis and against the Broncos. If the Steelers can use their win this week to start to build up a little momentun to end the season, I can start to get excited about a playoff run. It's the team that's surging going into the playoffs that is most dangerous. In most years the Steelers have been sitting pretty at the end of the season and been caught by surprise by upstart teams like the Patriots in '01 and almost by the Jets last year. Hopefully this year the upper hand will be on the other foot. But, first things first - they need to beat my arch-nemesis next week in the Dome in Minneapolis.

Bears - Steelers Week 14 Preview

2005-12-10T16:17:00.000-05:00

Who was the better rookie: Orton or Big Ben?
Kyle Orton: 9-3 as a starter this year (pictured left)

I think my writing colleagues and I are in full agreement that the Bears are going to kick the shit out of the Steelers in week 14. Yet for those of you of little faith, I will happily back up my prediction. The Steelers are reeling of late as they are coming into the game with a three game losing streak. The Steelers' defense has been raked like the back side of Tara Reid in the last three weeks (26.7 points per game against last three weeks v. 18.8 on the year), and their running game has significantly stalled (123.6 on the year v. 86.0 per game over last three weeks). Considering that two of those three games have marked the long-awaited return of Ben Roethlisberger, the Steelers are forced to question their effectiveness of late. After dominating the regular season in 2004 with a 15-1 record, they are currently one game out of the 6th seed in the AFC playoff picture with a 7-5 record. No team has ever won 15 games and then missed out on the playoffs the following season. A loss here would really leave the Steelers' playoff hopes in trouble. Is it possible that NFL teams are starting to figure this Pittsburgh Steeler team out a little bit? Their recipe for a strong running game and defensive play hasn't been successful of late. Teams are trying to force them to rely on the pass, and that is not how Head Coach Bill Cowher wants to win games. Last week, Big Ben was forced into three interceptions.

Big Ben: 13-0 as a rookie in 2004 (pictured left)

If you're a Steelers fan, this is the wrong time for the Chicago Bears to come into Heinz Field, as they will be facing the second hottest team in the NFL (eight game win streak). Sure, the Bears will be without starting safety Mike Brown and starting right guard Metcalf in tomorrow's game, leaving the Bears with only two of their starting defensive backs. Yet they should have more than enough weapons to compensate. The Steelers are a conservative run-first offensive team, and that should play right into the Bears hands. Offensive teams like the Colts and Chargers, who are effective at mixing up the run and pass, figure to be more troublesome to a defense like the Bears. Offensively, the Bears only have scored two touchdowns in the last three weeks. Yet that hasn't prevented them from winning. Quarterback Kyle Orton is in a bit of a slump (even for his standards), producing only 405 yards, 2 passing touchdowns, and 4 interceptions in the last four games. Considering that those two touchdown drives comprised a total of nine yards, the Bears have clearly relied on their defense to win games. Against the elite teams like the Steelers, Seahawks, and Colts, a strong defense with little to no help from the offense (68 passing yards and 1 pick versus Green Bay) may not be enough to win games. That is why Bears' coaches may soon be forced to look elsewhere at the quarterback position.

The Bears are probably one of the first teams ever in NFL history to have a quarterback controversy while on an eight-game win streak. Even though Kyle Orton is firmly entrenched as the starter heading into week 14, and without any indication of subbing Orton by the coaching staff, a controversy is definitely brewing in Chicago. The player that the Bears have been building the offense around in the last three years, Rex Grossman, is back from an anke injury that he suffered in this year's first pre-season game. Grossman was elevated from third-string to backup this week, and he is fully ready to play. Coaches question his durability, but that is seemingly insignificant at this point. The real question is whether the coaches are willing to unsettle the success and chemistry that has slowly developed with Orton under center. Yet it may be worth the gamble if the coaches are certain that Grossman gives the Bears a better chance of going to the Super Bowl.

The numbers are very similar between the two quarterbacks. Although Grossman is a third year player, he has actually played fewer games than Orton. In six games as a starter, Grossman has produced a 3-3 record, a 71.1 rating, 3 touchdowns, and 4 interceptions. Compare that to Orton who has a 60.2 rating, 9 touchdowns, 13 interceptions, 11 fumbles, and a 9-3 record in 12 games as the the starter. Although Orton has been carried by a better defensive effort, he has done what has been asked by him by not making the big mistake. In my opinion, if one looks beyond the statistics, it is readily apparent that Grossman is the better player. His poise and maneuverability in the pocket is very good, he has a very strong arm, and he came out of a very successful Florida program. As the Bears' first round pick, he has all the credentials to be a all-pro player in the NFL. Both Orton and Grossman are praised for their leadership skills, but Grossman shows more comfort in the pocket and more ability to get the ball down the field. Orton is more of a manager of the offense, whereas Grossman has the characteristics of a gun-slinger.

For those who think that the Bears are one-dimensional, I say look at the 2000 Super Bowl Champion Baltimore Ravens. While both defenses are dominant, the 2005 Bears are only a Trent Dilfer from being a Super Bowl team (but that may be saying a lot). Trent Dilfer was a very reliable player for that team. In eight games as a starter and 11 games total, he produced a 76.6 rating, 12 touchdowns, and 11 picks. His 2000 rating is not far superior to Orton's or Grossman's career ratings, but Dilfer was very reliable in the playoffs with 153 yards and a touchdown in Super Bowl 35. If you ignore the passing game for the moment, the 2005 Bears' running game is 6th in rushing yards (compared to 5th for the 2000 Ravens). With above-average starters at the running back and wide receiver positions, only Orton keeps the Bears from being considered a Super Bowl team. If Orton or Grossman can average 200 yards and two touchdowns a game, there is no doubt that this team can get to the Super Bowl this year. The 2000 Ravens were ranked 23rd in passing yards, whereas the Bears are currently ranked 32nd.

The 2000 Ravens were dominant in the playoffs. They beat Denver 21-3, Tennessee 24-10, Oakland 16-3, and New York 34-7 in the Super Bowl. Compare that to the 1985 Bears who only had to play three games. They shut-out the Giants 21-0, they shut-out the LA Rams 24-0, and they dominated the Patriots 46-10 in Super Bowl XX. That was one of the most dominating games that I have seen at any level of play. The Bears' defense mauled the opposing offensive line and suffocated the passing game. As soon as the Patriots' quarterback dropped back, he was instantaneously under intense pressure. Also, consider the 1985 Bears three game stretch in weeks 10 through 12. They beat the Lions 24-3, then went to Dallas and won 44-0, and came back home to beat Atlanta 36-0. Clearly, this 2004 defense which is only allowing 10.6 points a game compared to 10.3 for the 2000 Ravens defense is on par with those two teams. The Bears have only allowed 127 points with 4 games to go. The record low was set by the 2000 Ravens with 165 points. Therefore, the Bears can only give up 9.5 points a game if they wish to break that record. Considering that they only allow 10.6, it is within reach. Also, consider that the Bears have only allowed 11 touchdowns in 12 games, which is an average of .92 a game. Obviously this 2005 Bears' defense is one of the best of all time. However, can the offense do just enough to take us the distance?

The Bears are averaging 16.8 points per game on offense. The 2000 Ravens averaged 20.8 points per game. The 1985 Bears on the other hand had a more than reliable offense finishing 6th in total offensive yards including being 1st in rushing yards in the NFL. Considering that Jim McMahon only threw for 15 touchdowns and 11 picks, Orton's numbers of 9 touchdowns and 13 picks don't look so miserable.

The Bears' 8 game win streak is the best since winning 12 games in a row in 1985. Is this a team of destiny? Can they win it all on the 20th Anniversary of Super Bowl 20? I'm not so sure...but I know that Pittsburgh is nothing more than a small bump in the road.

Week 13: Giants 17 - Cowboys 10

2005-12-08T13:15:00.000-05:00

Any lingering hard feelings from the previous Sunday’s painful loss to the Seahawks were obliterated by the blanket of snow that covered the Tri-State area late Saturday night and early Sunday morning. This first snowfall of 2005 couldn’t have come at a better time for the Giants, who needed to clear their minds of last week for this all-important divisional showdown against the Dallas Cowboys. By game time, the snow has been plowed from the field, which because of the miracle draining technology of FieldTurf, was now surprisingly dry and playable. The solid layer of white had been pushed outward – to the embankments of snow at the field’s perimeter, which along with the now visible breath of the players, signaled the arrival of December football – and upward, to the stands, where 78,645 screaming Giants fans – minus the usual substantial contingent of Cowboys fans – rabidly waved white towels that were given them at the gate. It was cold, it was gray, it was raw, it was raucous, and to top it off, the Giants came out of the locker room in their alternate red jerseys, making it unmistakably clear that this was the most important game of the season. To the winner would go a one-game lead for first-place in the NFC East, and with four games remaining, the inside track to the division title. To the loser, a 7-5 record and the wilderness of the wildcard battle loomed, the nerve-wracking chaos of tie-breakers and scoreboard-watching.

The Giants win the toss and choose to receive, and when Billy Cundiff puts the foot to it, this classic NFC East showdown is underway. As you would expect from December NFC East games, this one promises to be a pitched defensive battle. The last time these two teams played, the Cowboys’ fast, aggressive defense brought the previously high-flying Giants offense down to earth, making Eli Manning look every bit the unfinished product that he is. The Dallas defense is solid all around, with speed rushing defensive end DeMarcus Ware anchoring the pass rush, a prototypically Parcellsian collection of physical linebackers, and best of all, an outstanding secondary led by perhaps the NFL’s most lethal tackler, strong safety Roy Williams. The ‘Boys came into the game with a DVOA – an advanced metric that calibrates standard stats according to situation and opponent, developed by the smart people at footballoutsiders.com -- of -12.3%, good for 7th in the league. (For a layman's explanation of DVOA, check out my "Some Thoughts on the Giants" post here) The Giants, for their part, boast an outstanding defense as well, a unit that has hit a plateau of excellence in the past few weeks with a string of excellent performances. Their outstanding defensive ends, future Hall-of-Famer Michael Strahan and emerging pass-rushing extraordinaire Osi Umenyiora, have led the defensive resurgence of Big Blue, which has also included a vastly improved pass defense and stellar linebacking. The Giants actually rank slightly ahead of the Cowboys with a defensive DVOA of -12.8%, 5th in the league, and as the starting units take the field, all of the elements are in place.

To no one’s surprise, much of the first quarter follows its expected course, as both sides exchange punts in their first couple of possessions. But as the first quarter gives way to the second, the Giants are able to move the ball, and a couple of Cowboy penalties help keep their drive afloat as they advance deep into Dallas territory. From the 10 yard-line, Eli Manning dumps a short pass to Tiki Barber, who darts his way down to the 1, and on the next play, Brandon Jacobs follows a Chris Snee pull, busting across the plane for the touchdown. 7-0 Giants.

With the home team off to the early lead, the Meadowlands is charged up, instilled with a maniacal energy by the cold, raw air, and they rise to their feet as the Cowboys are quickly faced with a 3rd and 8 on their ensuing series. And when promising rookie pass-rush specialist Justin Tuck makes an outside-in move to blindside the ever-stationary Drew Bledsoe, and the ball drops loose on the ground, and the Giants recover, the Meadowlands erupts, sensing an early opportunity to take an authoritative lead. But a few plays later, Eli Manning vastly underthrows an endzone fade to Plaxico Burress, and this opportunity is squandered.

Still, the Giants defense remains utterly impenetrable, holding Dallas to a three-and-out and setting the offense up in good field position at their own 38. On first down, Eli Manning’s deep crossing toss to the talented but underutilized Tim Carter goes for 27 yards, taking the Giants across midfield and close to field goal range. They manage another first down before stalling, and on 4th and 2 from the Dallas 9, the Meadowlands holds its collective breath as Jay Feely – last week’s goat and the kicker who’s fragile psyche might yet determine the fate of the Giants season -- trots out to attempt a 27-yard chip shot. Feely connects, and the Meadowlands exhales; perhaps Feely’s collapse last week was a one-game aberration. With two minutes remaining in the half, the Giants lead 10-0.

The teams go into the half with that score, which, while passing the comfort threshold of comprising of more than one score, still seems somewhat insufficient given how much the Giants have dominated the action so far. They have 157 total yards to the Cowboys 37, their stifling defense limiting Drew Bledsoe to a putrid 4/13, for a mere 17 yards.

Despite their superior play, the Giants need some sort of break so that the scoreboard can reflect their dominance, and they get one on the first play from scrimmage in the second half. Defensive tackle Kendrick Clancy explodes off the ball and busts into the Dallas backfield, discombobulating Drew Bledsoe’s handoff to Julius Jones. The ball bounces off Jones side and falls weakly on the ground, where Antonio Pierce, who has increasingly found himself at the right place at the right time as he’s grown more comfortable in the Giants defense, effortlessly picks it up and trots in for the score, giving the Giants a surreally easy touchdown that puts them firmly in command at 17-0.

The quickness and ease of the touchdown so contrasted the incremental NFC-Eastness of the game so far that the Meadowlands has taken on a mood of giddy celebration, overcome by the good fortune of Pierce’s touchdown. Of course we're the best team in the division, the crowd self-satisfied murmur suggests, and this 17-0 lead now proves it.

Unfortunately, the defense, who has spearheaded this dominantion, joins the crowd in loosening its tie and kicking up its heels, and the desperate Cowboys seize on the letup. Drew Bledsoe hooks up with the heretofore catchless Terry Glenn for a couple of passes that go for a combined thirty yards, and some slashing carries by Julius Jones take Dallas to a 1st and 10 at the NYG 20, before the Giants defense stiffens in the nick of time to hold the Cowboys to a field goal. But while it’s not a rebuttal commensurate to the blow that was the Pierce touchdown, it is an answer nonetheless, and dead teams don’t answer. Dallas has a pulse, and the better part of a half to make up 14 points.

And when the Giants take possession, their prolonged inactivity – they haven’t had the ball since before the half – compounded with the day’s mid-thirties temperature, has left them cold and out of synch. They go three-and-out on their first possession, and follow that by immediately digging themselves into a 3rd and 5 from their own 15. Eli Manning, desperate to generate offense, tries to squeeze a pass in to the well-covered Plaxico Burress, but Aaron Glenn makes a diving interception, his second of the day, and then scampers down to the 7. And on the very next play, Drew Bledsoe lofts a beautiful timing fade to Terry Glenn in the endzone, and just like that, we have a game again.

The cavalier mood in the Meadowlands has quickly given way to a palpable sense of anxiety; as dusk descends on East Rutherford, one can feel the creeping presence of the ghosts of Giants collapses past. A chance to build more of a cushion is squandered when Tim Carter drops Eli Manning’s 50+ yard bomb on the Giants next series, wasting one of Eli’s only good passes of the day. Alas, the Giants’ offense goes three-and-out again; their last three possessions have resulted in a three-and-out, an interception, and another three-and-out.

Things do not appear to be improving on the Giants next possession when Eli Manning’s deep square-in to Plaxico Burress is horribly off target, and is intercepted by Keith Davis at the Giant 43. At an earlier point in the quarter, Fox commentator Troy Aikman described Eli Manning’s performance as “barely passable.” That’s putting it kindly; Eli’s been awful, and is on his way to a 12/31 day. A portion of the blame for his three interceptions today also must fall on the shoulders of Plaxico Burress, to whom all three of Eli’s interceptions have been thrown. Plaxico is very talented and has been terrific in this his first year with the Giants, but his reputation as a space cadet wasn’t totally unfounded. Today, it seems that a slightly more hard-nosed effort by Plaxico might have one or more of these picks.

But either way, the dominoes are falling, as they have so many times in recent Giants history – the 1997 Viking playoff game, the Titans regular season game in 2002, and, of course, the 49er playoff game – and the mood in the Meadowlands is decidedly grim. But then, a beautiful yellow flag comes flying in, perhaps from the heavens, a late flag, a controversial flag, and quite possibly, and errant flag. Nevertheless, Young Eli and his Giants are granted a reprieve as the defensive pass interference call keeps the Giants drive going. They manage to advance all the way into Dallas territory before stalling, and on 4th and 6 from the 29, Coach Coughlin faces a dilemma: Jay Feely is set up for a 47-yard field goal, but Colonel Tom is reluctant to thrust his kicker into such a pressure situation, so he elects to go for it instead. The Giants fail to convert, and with 12:18 remaining in the game, Dallas resumes possession.

Fortunately for the Giants, the defense has evolved into a dominating unit, thanks in no small part to their emerging young superstar at defensive end, Osi Umenyiora, who makes a spectacularly athletic play on the Cowboys next possession: A misdirection play has the Giants defense completely fooled, as the whole unit floods right while Drew Bledsoe pitches the ball left to Julius Jones. The only defender who has stayed home is Umenyiora, who now represents the only obstacle between the quick, elusive Jones and a large expanse of green. The race to the corner is on; both players accelerate, predator chasing prey in the purest moment that football can give us, and Osi chases Jones down, the defensive end dragging the running back down from behind. An incredible play that prevents a potentially game-changing play for Dallas, and the Meadowlands fans, those connoisseurs of defense, rise to their feet in appreciation of their young star. In addition to his incredible effort on this play, Umenyiora also notched another quarterback sack today, upping his NFL leading total to 11.

An incomplete pass on the next play completes the defensive stand, and when the Giants get the ball back with 10:39 remaining in the game, they are able to move the ball, driving all the way down to the Dallas 15 and setting up Jay Feely for a 33 yard field goal attempt. It is a perfect situation to re-establish Feely’s confidence, an easy opportunity to provide the feel-good, go-home moment of the day, the clinching kick. But Feely doesn’t cooperate, as he doinks his kick off the left upright, leaving the Giants and their fans with an uneasy feeling, and not just about this game. Going into the stretch run, there is something wrong with the kicker’s head.

But today, the defense is up to the task of bailing him out. They shut the Cowboys down in the last, tense five minutes of the game, and when Julius Jones gets brought to the ground on a last-ditch screen pass attempt, the clock ticks down to triple zeroes and the Giants stand alone in first place. It certainly wasn’t the prettiest game: Eli Manning’s poor performance and Feely’s continued mental block certainly raise red flags about a team with Super Bowl aspirations, but a December win is a December win. The credit for this one, obviously, goes to the defense, who were nothing short of dominant. Going into the year, the defense was perceived as a potential area of vulnerability, something that certainly seemed to be the case after the Giants first few games. But Defensive Coordinator Tim Lewis has done a remarkable job, and now his defense can be counted among the NFL’s elite. Kudos, also to Tiki Barber, who carried the ball 30 times for 115 yards, a gritty performance by the greatest running back in the history of the franchise. Next for the Giants is a trip down the Turnpike to face the collapsed Philadelphia Eagles; it’ll be sweet to show them how much things have changed, and to ring in our status as the new kings of the NFC East.

10 very logical reasons to hate brett favre

2005-12-06T16:14:00.000-05:00

10. He ugggly, real ugly.
9. He plays for the Green Bay Fudgepackers, and therefore by definition he is gay, which is not a problem, except that he's one of those gay persons who gets off and then doesn't have the decency to give the ole reacharound.
8. He is leading the NFL in interceptions with 21. A future Hall-of-famer should never lead the league in picks. He should feel ashamed, very ashamed.
7. He was addicted to painkillers, which makes him weak, and we should hate weak people.
6. He lives in Cheeseland. He may think he's better than me, but he lives in Wisconsin, and you can't compare Chicago to Green Bay, you just can't.
5. Until today, he's beaten the Bears 11 years in a row, which is approximately 45 percent of my life. If you figure that I live and die with the Bears, then you understand that he is directly responsible for that empty feeling I carry around inside of me.
4. He caused me to go into therapy as an early age, costing my parents thousands of dollars, leading to financial instability, causing them to hate me, leading to my problems with alcohol.
3. Hating him is fun...you should try it. It seems to make me feel all better inside.
2. He might be blessed with a strong arm, but he shows no discipline whatsoever (see interceptions above). For someone being as blessed as he was, he has not made the most of it. Only one Super Bowl compared to 6 championships for MJ.
1. He's bitching about injuries this year to his team, but hey, he's never been injured a day in his life.

*This is my inaugural article for this blog. I hope it is as inspiring to you as it is to me. As much as I wanted my first article to be Bears-related, as most of the subsequent ones will be, this is what came to me today as I was watching the Bears-Pack game. What can I say - these feelings I didn't know I had just oozed out of me. It goes to show how one person can single-handedly ruin a decade for your team. McNabb had the same effect on the NFC East. That is why there is such a premium put on great players. Now that the G-MEN have Eli, they are in control of the division. Yet now it's Green Bay's turn to feel the wrath. Hopefully it will last a good 30 years.

Gays and Faggs

2005-12-04T12:21:00.000-05:00

Just kidding about Kordell Stewart. He's not gay. He just sucks.

Anyway, I started thinking about this topic while watching the FSU/VaTech game on Saturday night. After watching a bunch of blowouts on Saturday afternoon, I was very happy to see that Brent Musburger would be doing the game. I always love watching college football games with Musburger in the booth. He is an old school sports fan and an avid gambler, so he really brings a great perspective to every game he works on. Even if the game sucked it would still be worthwhile to hear what Musburger had to say. I wasn't disappointed on Saturday night. The most entertaining calls revolved around a player by the name of De'Cody Fagg, a 6-3 sophomore wide receiver for FSU. It seemed like every play he was involved in was memorable. Here are a few of the best moments I can recall from the broadcast:

Brent Musburger: "What a catch! Boy, that Fagg sure has some soft hands."

Brent Musburger: "First and ten. Fagg in motion behind the tight end. Hand off to Booker... here comes Fagg going the other way, Fagg breaks loose! Fagg goes all the way and scores on the end around! How about that! Look at him now, that Fagg is really dancing up a storm in the end zone! That will almost certainly draw a penalty."

Brent Musburger: "Virginia Tech's defense is going to try and make Florida State beat them with their running game. They're doing a great job of shutting down these FSU wide receivers."
Gary Danielson: "Yeah, but that's nothing new for the Seminoles. For instance, Bobby Bowden told us earlier in the week that Fagg has been routinely double-teamed since he was in high school, and that it doesn't bother him. In fact, he kind of likes it."

Brent Musburger: "Well, the Florida State Seminoles have really taken it to the Hokies tonight. I don't think they really had an answer for the potent Florida State passing attack."
Gary Danielson: "Virginia Tech is just not used to playing against such talented players, especially the big, physical Florida State receivers. You know, it's one thing to dominate teams like Duke and Maryland, but the folks in Lynchburg just haven't seen a Fagg, or for that matter even a Carr, all season and I think they lost their composure a bit, and it really hurt them tonight."

Double entendres aside, I think that the recent proliferation of athletes with names of Fagg or Gay is good for both the sports world and the gay rights movement. A lot of sports fans aren't exactly the most enlightened people on the planet, but if there is one thing that could change their minds about homosexuality it would be somebody with the last name of Gay who wins a game for their favorite team. Even the most ignorant Bostonian scumbag had to love Randall Gay's performance at cornerback for the Patriots last season. And, of course, there is Rudy Gay, the small forward for UConn who, as a sophomore, is a player of the year candidate and could eventually be one of the top picks in the NBA draft. You know that there will be a lot of Gay lovers in some lucky NBA city.

The lesson is simple. Sports should be used as an instrument for change rather than a symbol of a world steeped in racism and intolerance. First there was Jackie Robinson. Now there is Rudy Gay. All this world needs is somebody named Tony Partialbirthabortionist who kicks clutch field goals and we blue-staters will be able to rest easy at night.

Some Thoughts on the Giants

2005-12-03T16:38:00.000-05:00

In my posting about our Week 7 loss against Dallas – a game that Big Blue came into on the heels of a 44-point, 456 yard explosion against the Rams the previous game – I referred to the G-Men as “The offensive juggernaut masquerading as the New York Football Giants,” a reference to our surprising offensive prowess at that point in the season. Up until the Dallas game, all of our games had featured excellent offensive performances, with the Rams game being the high-water mark. According to FootballOutsiders’s DVOA ratings, which rank all teams according to situation and opponent, taking account of the league averages, the Giants ranked 4th in the NFL at that point in total offense with a DVOA of 32.1%.

(Important Digression [Read Carefully]: I strongly recommend that all thinking football fans take the time to read FootballOutsiders’ fleshed-out explanation of DVOA. But in this space, to make a long story short, the basic principle of DVOA – which stands for Defensive-Adjusted Value Over Average -- holds that all football stats should take into account situation and opponent, and therefore, looking at such primitive measures such as Yards is insufficient. For instance, a 2-yard run that yields a first down against a tough defense like the Bears is a more successful play than a 2-yard run on 3rd and 4 against a bad defense like the Texans. Without going into all the crazy math, DVOA breaks down each play of the NFL season in terms of “success points,” so that the 1-yard first down against the Bears is worth more than the 2-yard run against the Texans. DVOA, while imperfect and still the subject of constant tinkering, is the best statistical measurement there is right now. The number itself [in the above case, that 32.1% percent], stands for the percentage of success above league average. This doesn’t correspond to yards or points; it is on its own scale. But to give you a sense of what the numbers mean, 30 means excellent, 0 means league average, and -30 means terrible. For defense, on the other hand, the more negative the number, the better [for intuitive reasons], so -30 is excellent, 0 is league average, and 30 is terrible. But do check out the full explanation. It also should be noted that that DVOA has a stronger correlation to a team’s record than yards, which is not surprising because it is designed to account for situation. And as a predictor, it has a higher correlative value than games won when it comes to predicting future wins. In other words, a 10-6 team with a DVOA of 30% is more likely to be better the next year than a 12-4 team with a DVOA of 20%.)

Anyway, going into that Dallas game, our offense was flying high with its 31.2% DVOA. If there was an area of concern about this team, it was our defense, which came into that game with a below-average DVOA of 5.3 (remember, for defense, the more negative the better). The Dallas game was a humbling one for our offense: Matched against the first above average defense that we had seen, we were only able to put up 13 points. Since then, our offense has been pretty good, but certainly not as high-powered as it looked during the first four games, and our offensive DVOA stands at a more down-to-earth 9.6%, good for 9th in the league, still not too shabby.

Our defense, however, has improved by leaps and bounds since the early going. Where the first four games made you think that the Giants were on the verge of relinquishing their Big Blue tradition of strong defense, they have turned it around since then, especially on the strength of three dominant defensive performances against the Redskins, 49ers, and Vikings, and then a couple more strong performances against the Eagles and this past week against the Seahawks. At this point, it is the defense that has emerged as our stronger side, boasting a 5th ranked DVOA of -12.8.

So what has changed? First, on offense, Eli Manning has fallen off from the blazing pace that he set for himself those first few games. After the Rams game, his Quarterback rating stood at 97.8, but since then, it has slipped to 81.1. To make sense of these numbers, consider that if his rating were still 97.8 right now, he would be the 3rd ranked QB in the league; his 81.1 rating places him at 18th. Again, this is not bad, but perhaps Giants fans were getting a little ahead of themselves when they were placing him in Peyton’s category two months ago. His season still has been extremely encouraging, especially considering his 2004 rating of 55.4, but perhaps we should be giving it another year or so before getting ourselves on the waiting lists for hotels in Canton.

Another thing that has slowed our offense has been penalties, a season-long problem that became painfully apparent last week against Seattle. On the year, the Giants have set themselves back a total of 796 yards, good (or, actually, bad) for fourth most in the league. It should be noted that this has also been a huge problem on defense, where we have given opponents 823 yards, second most in the league.

Still, our offense is very good, a legitimate top third offense, and among NFC playoff contenders, only the Seahawks and (surprisingly) the Falcons have higher offensive DVOAs. With Tiki Barber maintaining his excellence – he is second in the NFL in yards from scrimmage – and Amani Toomer re-incorporated into an offense that already boasts two good receivers in Jeremy Shockey and Plaxico Burress, the Giants are a dangerous bunch.

But it is the defense that has been nothing short of spectacular of late. At the beginning of the year, it seemed that we would be extremely vulnerable against the pass, but our pass defense has improved dramatically, and now has a very respectable DVOA of -6.8%, 14th in the league. Although the nearly season-long loss of Will Peterson has left us without our only good cover-corner, we have been able to offset our secondary problems with an outstanding pass-rush. A particular asset has been Osi Umenyiora, who in his third year in the league, has blossomed into a star opposite the still-stellar Michael Strahan, ranking 3rd in the NFL with 10 sacks. As far as the defensive backs are concerned, Will Allen has notably stepped up his game, and while Curtis Deloach and Corey Webster have struggled, the pass-defense hasn’t hurt us as much as we originally feared.

But the strength of our defense has been our ability to stop the run, where we rank 3rd in the league with a DVOA of -21.5%. Besides for week 3 against the superlative LaDainian Tomlinson, and week 7 against Denver’s potent ground attack, we have been consistently successful at bottling up the opposition’s running games. This bodes well for us looking forward at the NFC playoff picture, where only Carolina -- and to a lesser degree Seattle -- have significantly above average passing games, making the ability to stop the run critically important.

The defensive front seven has been outstanding all around. Our defensive tackle rotation of William Joseph (Out for this week’s game), Kendrick Clancy, Fred Robbins, and Kenderick Allen has been a pleasant surprise. At linebacker, free-agent acquisition Antonio Pierce has improved as the year has gone on, and is now playing the best middle linebacker that Giants fans have seen in quite some time. Nick Greisen (Questionable for Sunday’s game), long buried on the bench, has made the most of his opportunity and has proven himself to be an asset as a starter. Our defense has also done an outstanding job generating turnovers, ranking 3rs in the NFL with 27 takeaways so far. This, too, can be largely attributed to our excellent pass rush.

Unfortunately, because we have lost three games by a total of nine points in heartbreaking, last-second field goal fashion, our record stands at 7-4, good but not great. According to FootballOutsiders, our “expected record” at this point is 8-3, based on our DVOA and schedule. Our schedule is tough these last few weeks – Dallas, @Philadelphia, Kansas City, @Washington, @Oakland – but according to DVOA, we are better than all of those teams; if we are serious about being a Super Bowl contender, we should be able to win four of these games. The big one, of course, is tomorrow against Dallas, a game that will place the winner in the driver’s seat for the division crown. It should be cold and overcast, real “Giant weather,” in the words of Bill Parcells. These are the games that you look forward all year to, and the Meadowlands should be a rockin’.

Week 12: Seahawks 24 - Giants 21

2005-12-01T22:45:00.000-05:00

When you think of difficult places to play in the NFL, Seattle isn't exactly the first place that comes to mind. It is portrayed as a city of grungy, laid-back, perhaps slightly depressed white dudes in flannel shirts, who smoke their cigarettes and drink their coffee, dudes for whom screaming and chest-painting do not come as naturally as they do to the men of many other NFL cities. Like the weather in their city, Seattleites have a reputation for being moderate, and their football team reflects this ethos of moderation: For the past twelve years, their Seahawks have won somewhere between 6 and 10 games, neither too good nor too terrible, certainly nothing to get too excited about in either direction. But coming into Week 12 of this 2005 football season, the Seahawks boast an NFC best record of 8-2, and a rabid bandwagon of fan support to go with it, and if the Giants have any illusions of a benign road game in the peaceful Pacific Northwest, a raucous Qwest Field makes it unmistakably clear that this Seattle team and its fans are not here to play nice. As game time approaches, you can sense a certain charge to the normally mild Seattle air, something the commentators call a playoff atmosphere.

Jay Feely sails the opening kickoff into the afternoon sky, and the Battle in Seattle is underway. Matt Hasselbeck and the Seahawk offense trots onto the field, a unit that has surpassed expectations by leading the NFL in total yards, though not points scored. This potent offense is fueled by the running of Shaun Alexander, a patient and intelligent runner whose knack for making the most out of holes reminds you of the Giants’ own Tiki Barber. Both runners have an outstanding feel for the spatial and timing aspects of running, and while Tiki is perhaps a little more crafty, Alexander is more physical. Going into the game, Alexander leads the league with 1229 yards and 19 touchdowns, gaudy numbers that are finally earning him the recognition he has always deserved.

He makes his living behind a rock-solid left side of the offensive line, led by Guard Steve Hutchinson and future Hall-of-Fame Tackle Walter Jones. The 31 year-old Jones is an absolute physical specimen of a football player, a 6-5, 308 pound man who can be described as lean, a man who despite his size has absolutely no trace of awkwardness. In his ninth year of professional football, Jones is at the top of his game; coming into today’s action, he has the staggering distinction of not having surrendered a sack in two years.

This protection has allowed Quarterback Matt Hasselbeck to enjoy a bounceback season from his sub-par 2004. Although the Seahawks number one receiver Darrel Jackson is out with an injury, Hasselbeck has two dependable targets in veterans Bobby Engram and Joe Jurevicius, the erstwhile Giant who seems to have finally harnessed his considerable physical skills.

But despite the excellent offenses on the field today, it is the the defenses that rule the first quarter, as the first few possessions become a field position struggle. You can sense that these teams are very evenly matched, and the mostly scoreless first quarter has the taut intensity of a good pitcher’s duel.

It is the Seahawks who break through first. From their own 25, Matt Hasselbeck fires a bomb downfield for Bobby Engram, who gets tangled up with Giants safety Brent Alexander, yielding a 29-yard defensive pass interference penalty. Two plays later, Hasselbeck heaves a pass towards the end zone for the 6-5 Joe Jurevicius. Corey Webster, the Giants rookie cornerback who is making his first career start, is step-for-step with Jurevicius, but he overanxiously mistimes his leap for the ball, and Jurevicius plucks it over the top for the Seattle touchdown. Qwest Field erupts in a deep roar as the home team draws first blood.

As the teams switch sides for the second quarter, the defensive struggle resumes, with both sides biting and scratching for field position and exchanging punts. The game is intense and briskly paced, and the Qwest Field crowd grows more into it with the passing of each play. A modern, elegant stadium, Qwest Field has two canopies that cover the stands to shield fans from Seattle downpours, but also have the effect of trapping sound inside the stadium. As the intensity of this game continues to build, the Seattle crowd discovers that it can be an effective “12th Man,” ratcheting up the noise and flustering the visiting Giants. On one set of downs in the second quarter, the Giants commit a staggering five false start penalties. Five false start penalties in one set of downs! It has to be a record.

The Seahawks appear poised to take a significant edge when they move into Giant territory on the next series. When Matt Hasselbeck completes a crossing pattern to Bobby Engram on 3rd and 6 for a first down near field goal range, the Giants appear on the brink of going down by two scores in this tight contest. But Will Allen, trailing Engram all the while, rips the ball loose on the tackle, and then recovers the fumble himself, giving the Giants the ball and staving off a potentially perilous situation. Finally, the Giants are able to put some successful plays together -- some Eli Manning throws and a pass interference call were key -- moving down to the Seattle 21 before Jay Feely bangs in a 39 yard field goal, getting the Giants on the board with four and a half minutes to go in the half. Allen’s forced fumble was big; it could have very easily turned into a 10-0 game, but now the Giants are right there at 7-3.

And when the Giants stuff the Seahawks again on the next series -- thanks in large part to a forced fumble on 2nd down by Osi Umenyiora on which the Seahawks retained possession – the Giants offense gets right at it again. Eli Manning completes four passes on this drive for a total of sixty-two yards, bringing the Giants all the way down to the Seattle 7 with 1:23 remaining in the half. After two incomplete passes, Eli hits Jeremy Shockey in the end zone, who catches the ball and then gets rocked by Seahawks safety Jordan Babineaux, a blow that sends Shockey thudding to the ground and jars the ball out of his arms. However the officials rule the play a touchdown, based on the logic that because there was a point during which Shockey had both possession of the ball and two feet down -- if only for the briefest instant – it is a touchdown at that moment, play over. Because the play took place during the last two minutes of the half, however, it must first go up to the booth for review. The evidence is still inconclusive: Shockey’s second foot may have grazed the ground, but it may not have. But since the burden of proof is on the side of overturning the call, the lack of indisputable evidence means that the touchdown stands. After much ado, it is now 10-7 Giants; Qwest Field falls silent, and the Giants celebrate, and a minute later, they trot into the locker room with a halftime lead.

At this point, it appears that the Giants have absorbed the Seahawks' best shots, and having weathered the storm, should be poised to come out strong in the second half. Aside from the somewhat flukish Jurevicius touchdown, the defense has really put the clamps down, having not allowed so much as a first down since. At the half, the numbers significantly favor the Giants: they have outgained their hosts 212 to 126, and hold a lopsided edge in time of possession, 18:40 to 11:20.

Indeed, it is a confident Giants team that emerges from halftime, and their confidence rises further when an errant Matt Hasselbeck pass on the Seahawks’ opening series is intercepted by Brent Alexander, giving the Giants the ball at the Seattle 26, and setting up the reliable Jay Feely’s 43-yard field goal, which extends the Giants lead to 13-7.

The Seahawks ensuing possession is yet another three and out, and with the Seahawks on the ropes, the Giants offense immediately goes back to work. Runs of twenty and seven yards by Tiki Barber, and eleven yard Eli completion to Shockey give the Giants a 1st and 10 at the Seattle 36. Points are a near-certainty: a field goal would put the Giants up by two scores, while a touchdown would give them a commanding 20-7 lead. The Giants go for the jugular, calling a deep corner pass to the resurgent Amani Toomer. But pressure from the Seahawks flushes Eli out of the pocket, and in a youthful panic, he blindly flails a high, arcing duck in the direction of no one in particular. Seattle safety Michael Boulware gratefully camps under it and makes the interception, bringing it all the way back to midfield, and in the blink of an eye, the momentum has just shifted as the Qwest Field crowd snaps out of its dormancy.

So, too, does Shaun Alexander, who the Giants have admirably held in check so far by playing hard, disciplined defense. But on this drive, Alexander carries four times for forty yards, and then, quicker than you can figure out how to spell J-U-R-E-V-I-C-I-U-S, Hasselbeck hits the former Giant for their second touchdown of the day, this time in front of the struggling Curtis Deloach. The drive took all of six plays and two minutes; the lead, and the momentum, belong again to the Seahawks.

And when the Giants take possession again, the Qwest Field crowd dials up the intensity on the stunned visitors, which effectively causes the Giants to torpedo themselves with three penalties on the next series. For as great a season as this has been for the Giants, penalties have been a persistent source of vexation. In this game, they will have committed 16 penalties for 114 yards, gifts that the best of teams would struggle to overcome, especially against a good opponent like Seattle. Colonel Tom deserves a lot of credit for the Giants’ re-emergence as a contender, but for a coach with a reputation as such a disciplinarian, his team’s penchant for stupid penalties is puzzling.

After the Seahawks get the ball back, the Giants defense regroups, holding Seattle to another three and out; the Giants regain possession as the fourth quarter dawns. After driving to midfield, they fail to convert a key 3rd and 2, and are forced to punt the ball back to Seattle with 11:14 remaining.

It is at this point that the Giants defense has an untimely collapse, as the Seahawks mount a methodical, emphatic drive on them. Matt Hasselbeck completes five of six passes for 69 yards: three of these passes are caught by Joe Jurevicius, who is torturing his former team and their inexperienced cornerbacks, and the last of them goes to Bobby Engram, who jukes and muscles his way for a tough 10 yard gain on 3rd and 11, setting up a 4th and 1 from the Seattle 4. Up by 1 point, Mike Holmgren makes the gutsy call and goes for it; Shaun Alexander squeezes his way through an opening for the first down before grinding across the plane for… no signal… for the touchdown. The PAT makes it 21-13 Seahawks, and with 4:33 remaining, time is running out on the Giants.

Fortunately for the Giants, they have a talented, unflappable young quarterback who has a knack for rising to the occasion. Although it is only his second year in the league, Giants fans have become well-acquainted with Eli Manning’s 2-minute face. It is almost a sleepy face, with his eyes two-thirds open and his lower jaw slightly protruding, betraying only the slightest trace of tension. Like a kid locked into his video games, the face manages to be languid but serious, showing nothing but complete immersion in the task at hand. The face exudes a kind of eerie calm, an expression that would fit perfectly on the face of a serial killer who seems almost normal, but who gives himself away by being a little too calm: It’s the quiet ones you’ve gotta watch. And after a good Chad Morton return brings the Giants to their 39, Eli, his face, and his offense trot onto the field, attempting to replicate the grace under pressure that has been displayed this year against Dallas, Denver, and Minnesota.

Young Eli does not disappoint, leading his team downfield with surgical precision, and even showing his mettle by running for a key nine yards. From the Seattle 25, the Giants face a 3rd and 10, and Eli finds Jeremy Shockey – who, for his part, has played a gritty, brilliant game -- for a clutch 13-yard first down, taking the Giants down to the 12. On the next play, Eli lofts one over the top for Amani Toomer, who manages to secure the ball and keep two feet in bounds as he’s falling out of the back of the endzone. Touchdown, Giants, says the back judge official. Another replay of a Giants touchdown call yields a similar conclusion to the earlier Shockey touchdown: A tiny part of Toomer’s heel might have touched the white line at the back of the end zone, but it might not have. Either way, there is certainly no conclusive evidence in any of the available replays, and the touchdown stands.

Still down by two, the Giants must now convert a two-point conversion to tie the game, the second time they’ve been faced with this nerve-wracking predicament in the past three weeks. They line up in a stacked trips formation, and Jeremy Shockey runs a quick stop pattern, finding a small bubble in the Seahawks coverage in which Eli is able to squeeze a pass. Shockey makes the grab for the successful conversion; Eli has done it again.

But there are still two minutes left, and the Giants know from their experience of two weeks ago that they're not out of the woods yet. This time, the Giants defense steps up -- aided by a penalty on the formerly invincible Walter Jones, who has met his match in the Giants rising star of a defensive end, Osi Umenyiora -- producing another Seahawks three and out, and when Chad Morton niftily darts Tom Rouen’s punt back to midfield on a key eleven yard return, it is the Giants who are poised to position themselves for a game-winning field goal.

The offense doesn’t miss a beat, as Eli hits Shockey for eight and then Burress on a key third-down slant for eleven, bringing the ball down to the Seahawks 31, which is the outer edge of reasonably sure Feely Field Goal range. Tiki Barber grinds out some tough nine yards on the next two plays, bringing the ball to the 22 and setting up Feely for a 48 yard, game winning field goal attempt with four seconds remaining. He has drilled a 39 yarder and a 43 yarder today, and has been extremely reliable in this his first year with the Giants, going 23 for 25 up to this point. A free-agent acquisition, he has been just what the doctor ordered, stabilizing our field-goal kicking and providing excellent kickoffs that have consistently denied our opponents good field position. A forty-yarder is no chip-shot, but it is also no challenge for a good kicker like Feely. He lines up his kick from the left hashmark as the 67,102 onlookers at Qwest Field hold their breath and pray for a reprieve. The snap is good, the spot is good, and Feely’s kick pretty much stays on a direct line from the left hashmark to the left upright. As it sails through the air, it can either veer left, stay straight and hit the upright, or, less likely, move right a fraction of a degree and sail through. It veers left. The Seattle crowd goes bananas, and we’re going to overtime.

Onto the overtime coin toss, one of the more interesting things in sports to see on T.V. Jeff Feagles, representing the Giants as a Captain and playing in his NFL record 283rd consecutive game, calls Heads, which seems to make sense in the same way that if you playing the Giants in Rock-Paper-Scissors, you would expect them to throw Rock. But it turns up tails, and the Seahawks elect to receive. The Giants defense, however, summons its will power and holds the Seahawks three and out, punctuated by a successful third-down blitz by middle linebacker Antonio Pierce. After the Seattle punt, the Giants take over at midfield, once again in good position to end this classic game.

The drive appears to be going nowhere fast as they lose three yards on the first two plays, but then Eli drills a huge 23-yard square-in to Plaxico Burress which brings the Giants to the Seattle 31, and a gives them a fresh set of downs to work their way into more advantageous field goal position. On the next play, Eli hits Jeremy Shockey on a little out, who brings the ball in and turns upfield. But Seattle’s LeRoy Hill wraps up Shockey and jars the ball loose, where, for a moment, all bets are off as twenty-two grown men descend on the synthetic inflatable spheroid known as The Pigskin. Tim Carter, the Giants underutilized speedster, bails the Giants out by recovering the ball at the 20-yard line, and the Giants exhale. But the savvy Mike Holmgren challenges the play call, perhaps informed of the strong possibility that Shockey never actually had possession before Hill’s hit caused the “fumble,” which would render the play an incomplete pass and nullify the sixteen yard gain. Upon further review, the Seahawks finally get the best of a challenge; the play goes as an incompletion, sending the Giants back to the thirty-six.

And when the Giants next two plays yield zero yards, Coughlin faces a difficult decision. Does he send out Jay Feely for a 54-yarder, after he has just missed one from 40? Coughlin says yes, and Feely trots out. The snap is good, the spot is good, and the kick appears to be good before dying in the endzone, woefully short. Once again, the Seahawks have new life, and the Giants defense again has to strap up their helmets and dig in their heels as Seattle takes over close to midfield.

But just when it appears that the Giants have finally given the Seahawks one chance too many, the defense valiantly keeps the Seahawks out of field goal range, bottling up Shaun Alexander on a first down run and a second down pass. Aside from the three touchdown drives, the Big Blue defense has turned in a dominant performance. They trot off the field triumphantly, having given their offense another shot as Eli and the boys take over at the 20.

As clutch as the Giants defense has been, the Seahawks defense has been the exact opposite. Needing to prevent a touchdown in the late fourth quarter, they failed; needing to prevent the subsequent two-point conversion, they failed; needing to prevent the Giants from getting into field goal range at the end of regulation, they failed; and then, in overtime, charged with the same task, they have already failed once. And when Tiki Barber follows a beautifully blocked counter through a gaping hole and explodes untouched into the secondary, implausibly splitting two Seahawk defensive backs on the way to a 49 yard run that takes the Giants down to the Seattle 31, it appears that Seattle’s defense has failed them yet again.

The Giants can muster only four yards in the next three plays, moving them to the Seattle 27, and setting up Jay Feely’s third attempt to win the game in the past thirty minutes, this time from 45 yards. It’s a little longer than they might have liked, but still eminently makeable, and Feely lines up to attempt a kick that would allow him to laugh off the previous two attempts in an “Aw, you know, it’s a crazy game, but I’m just glad we came out on top” way. But it surprises no one when he misses; in fact, the only surprising thing is the manner in which does – it’s short! – showing just how much his mechanics have been compromised by whatever is going through his head. Qwest Field is giddy as the Seahawks once again get away with something; despite their poor play over the last several series’, they are today's Cat with Nine Lives, or Teflon Don.

With 6 minutes left, the Seattle offense takes the field again, and when Hasselbeck gets flagged for an eleven yard intentional grounding penalty of first down, they seem to be well on their way to continuing their futility. But on the next play, a blown coverage by rookie Corey Webster allows D.J. Hacket to get wide open, and Hasselbeck hits him for a 38 yard gain. A big break for the Seahawks, and they are in business at the Giant 38 as Qwest Field quakes. The Giants defense, dazed by this sudden reversal of fortune, cannot recover in time to prevent Shaun Alexander from ripping off two consecutive runs of 8 and 13 yards, moving the Seahawks into chip-shot range at the Giant 17. A couple of runs and a “Centering” of the ball bring 4th down and Seattle kicker Josh Brown onto the field. His 36-yard field goal is not pretty, but it sneaks through the uprights. The Seahawks have somehow won this game, and the Giants now must take the red-eye back to the East Coast, left to contemplate their second bitter defeat in the past three weeks.

The Seahawks are now sitting pretty atop the NFC at 9-2, while the Giants have moved back into a tie with Dallas at 7-4. Now two games behind Seattle in the conference, they have squandered a terrific opportunity to stake a strong claim to home-field advantage in the playoffs, a claim that was eminently within reach about three times this afternoon. But as painful as this loss was, it wasn’t discouraging. Although they are two games behind them in the standings, it would be hard to argue that the Giants are not a better team than the Seahawks, who they outgained 490-355, with 25 first-downs to the Seahawks 17. More importantly, the Giants offense was repeatedly able to move the ball in the game’s critical drives, while the defense was able to stop the Seahawks. Save for Jay Feely’s monumental choke for the Giants ages – there is really no other way to put it – they would have won this game. And although the road to the Super Bowl will probably go through Seattle now, you can be sure that the Giants would relish another crack at these guys.

Fucking Steelers

2005-11-29T19:21:00.000-05:00

That was a very tough loss to take. I was talking shit about the Colts all week and now I am humbled. I don't really know what to say. I think I need to take a few days off from football and reexamine some of the priorities in my life right now. For the time being, I'll let the words of the great Chief Joseph capture the dismal mood I'm in at the moment:

"...It is cold, and we have no blankets; the little children are freezing to death. My people, some of them, have run away to the hills, and have no blankets, no food. No one knows where they are - perhaps freezing to death. I want to have time to look for my children, and see how many of them I can find. Maybe I shall find them among the dead. Hear me, my Steelers! I am tired; my heart is sick and sad. From where the sun now stands I will fight no more forever."

Dear Giant Fan

2005-11-28T00:18:00.000-05:00

Dear Giant Fan:

Well, all you can say after this one is that it’s been quite a season so far. For as euphoric as the Broncos win was, this loss was just as painful, the second bitter, Sunday-ruining loss in the past three games.

But as painful as this loss was, it wasn’t discouraging. Clearly we are a better team than the 9-2 Seahawks: We outgained them 490-355, and had 25 First Downs to their 17. When it counted, we were consistently able to move the ball, and our defense valiantly stopped the Seahawks time and again. I am proud of the way we came up big in big situations, and gave ourselves the chance to beat an 8-2 team in their place. Actually, we gave ourselves three chances. I hope we see this team down the road.

The game ended around three hours from this writing, and my homicidal rage at one Jay Feely has somewhat subsided. And while I still feel worse for myself for what he put me through than I do for him, he’s gonna be with us for a number of years so we probably should give him a mulligan on this one. But I sure didn’t like the look on his face when he missed that first Field Goal; in fact, every camera-shot of Feely was discouraging, so that the unfolding of the choke-job wasn’t all that surprising. The 54-yard miss was forgivable, I guess, (although Goose’s obnoxious interjectory “That’s Short!” wasn’t), but being short on the 45-yarder clinched the performance as an all-time gagger. I wish I can say that I hope that he gets the chance to redeem himself, but on the other hand, I’m not sure I want our season to come down to this guy. And I think I speak for all Giants fans expressing misgivings that we’ve just handed the kicking keys to this guy for the foreseeable future.

But in the spirit of Thanksgiving, I think it’s important to point out that that the Giants have been on the positive end of missed Field Goal karma through the years, and that today’s loss wasn’t the worst way to even the score a little bit in this department. Everyone remembers Norwood, but reading David Halberstam’s The Education of a Coach reminded me of Rich Karlis’ barefooted miss shortly before the half in Super Bowl XXI, which left the Giants unscathed after a goal-line stand and swung the momentum of the game in their favor. Also, David Akers’ missed chip shot in the final game of 2002 enabled us to get into the playoffs in a truly glorious game that was sadly overshadowed by our painful loss to the 49ers the next week.

This game is definitely a bummer for the ages, but it wasn’t devastating, and despite losing two of our last three in such painful fashion, things are still looking up in Giant-land. While this hurts us in terms of home-field advantage in the playoffs, it very well might not hurt our chances of winning the East and actually making the playoffs. We have the ‘Boys at the Meadowlands next week. If we win, we’re in great shape, and if we don’t….well, in the words of Wayne Campbell, “It wasn’t meant to be.”

Keep Your Chins Up G-Men Fans,

Willie Beamon
Special Teams Demon

Colts Will Go Down on Monday Night

2005-11-27T12:54:00.000-05:00

I'm not going to waste everyone's time explaining why the Steelers lost to the Ravens last week. Let's just say it was Tommy Maddox's fault and leave it at that. I am much more interested in talking about the upcoming game against the undefeated Colts. I have yet to see one person predict a Steelers victory, but that is about to change. On Monday night the Steelers are not only going to win, they're going to teach the Colts a lesson. Here are the reasons why:

1. The Colts are a bunch of pussies

2. Peyton Manning can't win a big game

3. The Steelers kicked their asses the last time they played

4. The Steelers zone-blitz scheme makes it difficult for Manning to read the defense and call plays at the line of scrimmage

5. Edgerrin James will not be able to run against the Steelers defense

6. Troy Polamalu will be involved in at least two turnovers

7. The Steelers have been getting no respect all week

8. The game is more important for the Steelers than it is for the Colts

9. The Steelers always win on Monday night

10. Big Ben, James Farrior and Marvel Smith are all healthy

11. All the talk of an undefeated season has jinxed the Colts

12. The Colts defense sucks

13. The Steelers are simply a better football team

Week 10: Vikings 24 - Giants 21

2005-11-20T23:56:00.000-05:00

A celebratory atmosphere pervaded the Meadowlands on this sparkling, unseasonably warm November day: 65 and sunny, with a brilliant 1 o’clock sun and enough of a breeze to keep everyone comfortable. Topping it off were the perfect stooges on the other side of the ball, those hapless Minnesota Vikings, they of the Whizzanator and the Lake Minnetonka Love Boat, a team that managed to come in to this game significantly worse than their 3-5 record would have you believe. Mind you, these were the same Vikings who last visited the Meadowlands on a raw, muddy January day in 2001, where they received that glorious 41-0 shellacking at the hands of the Super Bowl bound Giants. Since then, it’s been a lost few seasons for the Giants, but today the Meadowlands is packed, expectant, and giddy, eagerly anticipating what should be a romp over the lowly Vikings that will serve notice that the New York Football Giants are back as an Elite Team. It’s been a long time since we’ve expected to win like this, and the Meadowlands is rocking, rollicking, as AC/DC’s “Hell’s Bells” rings in the opening kickoff and the second half of what has been a wildly successful 2005.

But no sooner had the shouts of the pre-kickoff crescendo left the mouths of the Giants fans – “ooooOOAAAHH!!” -- than something strange happens. Willie Ponder, the Giants kick return ace, coughs up the ball when he runs into one of his blockers. A fumble scramble ensues, and jubilant white jerseys and purple helmets herald the news before the refs’ official signal: Vikings ball.

This wasn’t supposed to happen, but the Giants reborn defense sees to it that this rare special-teams mishap is quickly stricken from the record, stuffing the Vikings three and out and forcing them into a Field Goal attempt. And when Minnesota Kicker Paul Eddinger pushes his 40-yard Field Goal attempt wide right, the slate is officially wiped clean. The Giants get the ball back and order is restored.

But in their first few series’, the Giants offense appears lethargic, something that has become a trend in recent weeks. Excepting their blowout of Washington, the offense has fallen off the blazing pace that it set for itself in the season’s first few games. And after a couple of stalemating, back and forth series’ in which neither team is able to move the ball, the offense gives the Vikings a big break when Eli Manning’s bullet to Amani Toomer bounces off his usually reliable hands and into the arms of Vikings safety Darren Sharper, giving the Vikings the ball at the Giants 17 yard line. Another costly mistake by the Giants, and another golden opportunity for the Vikings.

But for as much as the Giants offense has fallen off, so has the defense come on strong in recent weeks; in the previous two games, they have surrendered just six points. And fortunately for the Giants, the D came to play today, stymieing the Vikings again and forcing them into another Field Goal attempt. Another unlikely reprieve is granted when Paul Eddinger’s kick is blocked by unsung special-teamer Damane Ducket. Despite everything, it’s still a 0-0 game.

Finally, after a couple more unproductive possessions for both sides, the Giants offense finally wakes up. Sparked by some timely and instinctive scrambling by Eli Manning, the Giants move all the way down to the Minnesota 11 as the First Quarter gives way to the Second. On the first play of the quarter, Eli takes the snap, crisply executes his three step drop, and fires a slant in the direction of his favorite target, Plaxico Burress. But Darren Sharper, the Vikings wily veteran of a Safety, stealthily jumps the route and snares Eli’s pass for a dramatic interception. From there he is off to the races, sprinting untouched for a 92 yard touchdown, turning what appeared to be a 7-0 Giants lead into a 7-0 Vikings lead. That’s a 14-point swing, and that’s two picks on the day for the old ballhawk Sharper, who has left the Meadowlands so quiet that the only audible sound is the jubilant shouting from the Vikings sideline.

But to their credit, the Giants offense shakes off the shock of the interception and goes right back to work. An artistically executed screen pass to Tiki Barber takes them down into field-goal range, and Jay Feely connects on a 35-yard Field Goal to give them their first points. After the Defense continues their dominance by stuffing the Vikings three and out on the next series, the Giants regain possession and string together a series of positive plays. Eli Manning seems to be finally settling into his groove, completing three passes for 32 yards on this drive before the Giants stall at the Minnesota 30. Jay Feely comes in and bangs in a 48-yarder, moving the Giants within a point at 7-6.

The teams go into the half with that score, and even though the Vikings are ahead, there is little question who is the better team on the field. It seems only a matter of time before a break or two goes the Giants way and openning the floodgates for a barrage of scoring that would bury the inferior Vikings, who seem remarkably fortunate to be in this game at all, let alone in the lead.

And so as the Second half begins, the mood in the Meadowlands is equal parts frustration, excitement, and trepidation. They should win this game, but then again, they should be ahead in this game and not behind. This is still the league of Any Given Sunday; anything can happen in one half of football.

Jay Feely’s kick to open the second half is uncharacteristically short, and is taken on the run by the Vikings’ Koren Robinson. A wide seam composed of a few picture perfect blocks opens before him, and Robinson accelerates to daylight, touched by nothing but the fingertips of the Giants Jamar Taylor as he breezes 86 yards for the touchdown. A closer look at the play shows that it was the short kick that caused the Giants to overrun their assignments, and they failed to converge in time to stop the decisive Robinson. Another quick, shocking strike, and the Giants are back in a hole. 14-6, Vikings.

But the Giants offense comes right back, and on the strength of a 40-yard pass interference penalty by the Vikings Antoine Winfield, they find themselves deep in Vikings territory. On a key 3rd and 5 from the Minnesota 23, Eli finds a wide-open Amani Toomer underneath, who gathers it in and turns upfield, surprised and delighted that the defender who was supposed to cover him had lost his footing some fifteen yards away. Toomer sprints all the way for the score, a touchdown that brings the Giants back within a point. They are sober and businesslike in their congratulatory handshakes, still down a point and clearly on the wrong side of the breaks today. Despite the fact that the Giants have been moving the ball downfield with relative ease while the Vikings have mustered but 6 yards of total offense, the important numbers on the scoreboard still must be overcome.

Midway through the third quarter, the Vikings offense almost comes close to breaking through for their first touchdown, but a couple of lucky breaks saves the Giants from giving up their first touchdown since they played the Broncos three weeks ago. First, on 3rd and 12 from their own 29, the Vikings succeed in picking up a Giants blitz, and Brad Johnson pump fakes before heaving one deep downfield to a wide open Koren Robinson. But the ball is badly underthrown, and what probably should have been an easy touchdown instead becomes a survivable 44-yard gain. On the next play, Johnson goes deep again, this time for the tall, gangly Travis Taylor, who leaps and grabs what appears to be a 27- yard touchdown. But a highly questionable offensive pass interference call on Taylor nullifies the touchdown, and when Vikings Head Coach Mike Tice understandably loses his temper in response to the call, a personal foul penalty is tacked on to the pass interference. Instead of a Touchdown and a 21-13 lead, the Vikings now face a 1st and 35 from midfield. On the strength of these lucky breaks, the Giants regain possession when the Vikings are forced to punt.

But a weak three and out on the Giants next possession brings in Jeff Feagles and the Giants punt team. Feagles’ punt is fielded by the Vikings’ Mewelde Moore, who breaks two tackles and scoots through an unexpectedly wide open seam before eluding Feagles’ sorry last-line-of-defense effort, streaking toward daylight and the Minnesota’s third dramatic, devastating touchdown of the day. The Meadowlands crowd is beyond shocked; having witnessed three of these ghastly touchdowns today, they are simply pissed. 21-13 Vikings.

And the next few series’ bring even more frustration. While the defense keeps up its brilliance, the offense screeches to an inept halt, alternating futility with self-destructiveness. After a Giants three and out and subsequent punt, Kendrick Clancy, who along with William Joseph has provided surprisingly stellar interior line play, forces a fumble that is scooped up by perpetual Johnny-on-the-spot Antonio Pierce, handing the Giants a good opportunity at the Minnesota 40. But the offense gives the ball right back, as Eli Manning’s fade pass to Amani Toomer is easily intercepted by Vikings safety Brian Williams. For those of you who are counting, that’s three interceptions for Eli today.

The Giants defense once again holds up their end of the bargain by forcing a Vikings punt, but after driving to a promising 1st and 10 at the Minnesota 40, an incomplete pass and a brutal 10-yard sack force the Giants into a 3rd and 20, effectively torpedoing the drive. Again, the Giants defense comes up big – it’s really been a remarkable performance today – forcing a Vikings punt that gives the Giants possession at around midfield with 7:53 remaining in the game.

This time, the offense finally seems poised to capitalize, as Jeremy Shockey snares a big 20 yard reception on 3rd and 10, and then Tiki Barber knifes his way to the Minnesota 5 on the next play. After a day of fits, starts, and shooting themselves in the foot, the crowd is on its feet, trepidatious but hopeful. Coach Coughlin calls a middle screen to Tiki, a play that has become a trademark in these types of situations, and the play works to perfection as Tiki deftly follows his blocks and plunges across the plane for the score. But the presence of a yellow flag – or for those of us watching at home, Fox’s yellow “FLAG” tab -- dampens the enthusiasm.

On a day that was characterized by the realization of worst-case-scenarios, Chris Snee’s touchdown-nullifying Ineligible Man Downfield penalty is just one further indignity. Penalties have become a serious area of concern for the Giants, who have seen these pesky yellow beanbags short-circuit their drives and give their opponents chunks of yardage. Today has been particularly bad in this regard: They have given the Vikings 75 yards on their 9 penalties.

But despite the innumerable lapses, the Giants are still very much in this game, and still have a good chance to notch a key touchdown until Manning’s throw bounces off Amani Toomer’s hands – again -- and into the opportunistic arms of – you guessed it – Darren Sharper, who dances and reverses his way to the Giants 29 yard-line, yet another crushing blow that the Giants have dealt themselves.

With 3:48 left in the game, the Giants hopes are dwindling; they are simply running out of time to have the scoreboard reflect their superiority. But the defense digs their heels in yet again, holding the Vikings three-and-out on a possession that takes a mere 30 seconds off the clock, and the Giants regain possession at the Minnesota 33. Down 21-13, they need a touchdown and a two-point conversion to tie.

The crowd rises to its feet as all eyes shift toward young #10. Despite his brutal four-interception day, all 78,637 Giants fans have total confidence in their young hero, knowing that he is at his best when it matters most. And the first three plays of the drive yield 30 passing yards for the re-awakened Eli, and then Tiki Barber’s 11-yard burst on a draw play brings the Giants to the Minnesota 26, and the clock to the two-minute warning. Two plays later, another beautiful screen pass to Tiki goes for 18 yards, bringing the ball to the Minnesota 3, setting up a Tiki 3-yard touchdown plunge two plays later that brings the score to 21-19.

The touchdown, it now seems, was the easy part. The offense lines up for two, the crowd tense and quiet. Tiki takes the surprising handoff and follows a strong push by the offensive line -- including terrific pull by Guard Chris Snee -- and falls comfortably across the plane for the conversion. After an afternoon of frustration, the Meadowlands crowd can finally celebrate, happy in the knowledge that the Giants have battled back from a day of unfortunate setbacks, self-imposed though they may be. And the legend of Eli Manning continues to grow: As he did against Dallas, and as he did against Denver, Young Eli has shown himself to be master of the two-minute drill.

At this point, overtime seems imminent, and Giants fans are more than happy to turn the game over to their inspired Defense, which has allowed Minnesota a grand total of 95 yards today in their third dominant performance in a row. The Vikings now have 1:15 left to do what they haven’t been able to do all day long: move the ball on the Giants, as they take over on their own 28. The Vikes long day on offense appears to be continuing when Osi Umenyiora, who has really come into his own as an outstanding complement to Michael Strahan at the other Defensive End, sacks Brad Johnson on the Vikings first play of the drive. The Meadowlands crowd rises appreciatively, spurring their defense to put the clamps on the inept Vikings, forcing an overtime that will allow the Giants to quickly right the wrongs of the previous sixty minutes.

But on the next play, Johnson heaves one up that is snared by Jermaine Wiggins over two defenders for a 21 yard gain. Suddenly, the Vikes are close to midfield, perilously close to Field Goal range. Just like that, and the Meadowlands is petrified. They watch in silence as the Giants defense continues its inopportune collapse: Johnson hits an eleven yard pass to Marcus Robinson who gets out of bounds, and then another eleven yard pass to Travis Taylor, who also gets out of bounds, bringing the Vikings to the Giants 33. After moving the ball three more yards, the Vikings spike the ball to stop the clock, and bring on Paul Eddinger for the 48-yard, game winning attempt.

Eddinger is 0 for 2 today, having missed a chip shot and having another attempt blocked, which provides the Giants fans with some cause for optimism. The crowd gets to its feet, trying to shake off the punch to the stomach that was this Vikings drive, and muster some will-power that will perhaps give the Giants another reprieve. Eddinger lines up in his signature stance, all twisted around, facing the precise opposite direction from the all-important play that will take place in a few seconds, a play that will either make him hero or goat. The ball is snapped and then spotted. Eddinger turns and thumps a perfect 48 yard-kick, splitting the uprights with plenty of leg to spare. A stunned crowd watches the Vikings celebrate in the Meadowlands dusk. 24-21 Vikings.

A final glimmer of hope is afforded to the rapidly exiting crowd when Eddinger’s ensuing kickoff bounces out of bounds, giving the Giants the ball at the 40 and setting up a potential Hail Mary with 10 seconds left. The Giants eschew the Hail Mary, however, in favor of the “86 Lambuth Special,” a play made famous in 2001 when Ron Dixon took a lateral from Tiki Barber around the bend for a heartstopping chase down the sideline before getting run down by the Eagles’ Brian Dawkins. Today there is no such suspense, however, as Tim Carter is buried upon receiving Tiki’s lateral. Game over, a horrible loss, as the Giants slip to 6-3. Despite the fact that they outgained their opponents 405-137, perhaps they are not an elite team quite yet.

The Charlie Batch Experiment

2005-11-18T14:20:00.000-05:00

I never mentioned anything about the Packers game a couple of weeks ago, but there wasn't a hell of a lot to say about it. I wasn't surprised the game was as close as it was. After all, the Steelers were making their first appearance of the year with Charlie Batch at the helm and Green Bay is a difficult place to play no matter how good the Packers are. You could tell that even in early November it was already colder than shit in Green Bay because Ed Hochuli decided to cover up his massive guns with a long-sleeve shirt. Furthermore, most of the folks in Green Bay either aren't smart enough or are too drunk to realize their team sucks so the twelfth man will always be a big factor at Lambeau. After the Steelers settled for a couple of early field goals, Troy Polamalu and Bryant McFadden managed to take the crowd out of the game temporarily in the second quarter by sacking Favre and returning the subsequent fumble 77 yards for a touchdown. The Steelers didn't put the Packers away, however, and the Samkon Gado touchdown in the third quarter pulled the Pack to within three points of the Steelers and brought new life to the Green Bay crowd. Although there were a few anxious minutes for Steelers fans in the third quarter, it didn't take long for the Steelers defense to finally put the hammer down and after the TD they stopped the Green Bay attack in its tracks. All in all, the defense forced three turnovers and held Gado to 62 yards rushing and Favre to 214 yards passing. Duce Staley's touchdown to put the Steelers up 20-10 midway through the fourth quarter ended the Packers upset hopes. Charlie Batch threw for only 65 yards, but he didn't do anything to lose the game for the Steelers, and that was all that was asked of him. Duce Staley, seeing his first action of the year, ran for 76 yards and the aforementioned touchdown.

That takes us to the Sunday night match-up against the Browns in Pittsburgh. There isn't a more inconvenient time to watch a football game than on Sunday night, and it creates quite a dilemma for poor motherfuckers like me who don't have cable. Normally the Sunday night games are so shitty that I don't mind missing them altogether, but with the Steelers playing I had to figure out a reasonable place to watch it. After learning that the place where I wanted to watch the game closed at 9:00 on Sunday nights (what kind of bar closes at 9 o'clock on any night?) I settled on the bar nearest my apartment. I'd never really been in there before because its patrons are mostly British expatriates in their 50s, but they advertised Monday and Sunday night football so I figured that it would be good enough. The experience that followed I can only describe as Kafkaesque. The sound on the game was turned off in favor of what I think was the most depressing and disorienting juke box music possible. It was the kind of playlist you'd expect to find in the BTK Killer's iPod. Unfortunately it wasn't loud enough to drown out the guy sitting at the bar getting absolutely obliterated and saying some of the stupidest shit I have ever heard in my life. He used a camera shot of Charlie Batch's mom standing in the Heinz Field crowd to launch into a rant about personal interest stories during the Olympics that culminated in him announcing to the bar that "maybe Osama Bin Laden had it right."

Needless to say it was very difficult to focus on the Steelers-Browns game with all that shit going on. Fortunately years of playing video games has trained me to stare at the tv with passionate intensity and ignore everything going on around me. The game opened with a rap song summarizing the Steelers-Browns rivalry. It's hard to think of a more inappropriate way to introduce a game between two teams that pride themselves in their smash-mouth philosophy. They should have gotten Bob Seger or someone equally gritty to introduce the game. Anyway, once the game actually started the Browns took the opening drive down the field and converted it into a touchdown on a Reuben Droughns 5-yard run. The Steelers moved the ball 61 yards on their first possession but, after having a touchdown reversed by replay, a failed fourth-down conversion turned the ball over to the Browns. The Steelers second drive resulted in an uninspired three-and-out. At this point I was getting a little concerned and thought to myself, "I can't believe I'm missing Extreme Home Makeover for this shit." I knew the turning point of the game had come, however, on the Steelers' next drive when at the exact same moment that Charlie Batch hit Cedrick Wilson on a 43 yard pass play to get all the way down to the Cleveland 12-yard line Bob Dylan's "Things Have Changed" began to play on the jukebox. The Steelers went on a 27-0 run, capped off by an emphatic stroke of Byzantine whimsy when Antwaan Randle-El tossed a 51-yard TD to fellow WR Hines Ward on an end-around option. The Browns scored a few garbage points at the end, but the game was never close after the second quarter.

The bad news was that Charlie Batch, who looked good going 13-19 for 150 yards in the first half, broke his hand and will be out two weeks. I was expecting Big Ben back this week against the Ravens, but Cowher has decided to hold him out one more game. This means that the proverbial shit has hit the fan this week because the Steelers' only choice is to place their fate in the hands of Tommy Maddox. Maddox looked like complete shit again on Sunday night and I have absolutely no confidence in him this week against the Ravens. Big Ben could be in uniform and available if Maddox has another meltdown. Of course, it's not like the Ravens have much going for them with Kyle Boller back under center. Billick and Cowher should petition the league to have them assign a designated quarterback for this game. There's no doubt that this game is going to be ugly. The Steelers struggled with them the first time they played when the game was in Pittsburgh and Big Ben was in the lineup. However, I have a hunch that Baltimore isn't going to be as fired up this time around. I think that unless Maddox hands the Ravens the game the Steelers are going to find a way to win. It's important to get a win here because it's a chance to pick up a game on the Bengals, who play the Colts. Next week it will be the Steelers' turn to face Colts on Monday night in what could be the game of the year in the regular season. There is obviously a danger for the Steelers to be looking ahead to the Colts, but I think the silver lining in all their injury problems is that it has prevented them from taking these games against inferior opponents for granted. If they can beat the Ravens they will be in great shape, both record-wise and health-wise, to take on the Colts for the right to sit atop the NFL Power Rankings.

I Hate These Fucking Guys

2005-11-15T17:39:00.000-05:00

As if waiting until Sunday night to watch your team play wasn't bad enough, you have to listen to these three imbeciles call the game. I don't know which one of them is worse. Actually, Paul Maguire is definitely the worst. That guy has some serious cognitive issues. It's like someone took the brain of Terri Schiavo and put it in Dan Dierdorf's body. Listening to this man-child try to articulate the simple-minded thoughts that rattle around in his puny brain is like reading the first section of the Sound and the Fury. Then you have Mike Patrick's shrill voice and urgency to agree with everything the other two jackasses say, which makes it perfectly clear that he has no testicles. And Joe Theisman, of course, is just a prick. The worst thing about the broadcast is that the trio as a whole is actually worse than the sum of its parts. Somehow these three assholes manage to work into a crescendo of noise that offends the viewer in every conceivable way. The hype, the bad calls, the stupid jokes followed by idiotic laughter, the piling on, the obnoxious good-old-boyishness, the sound effects - it's enough to make anyone sick. Thank god that this is their last season on ESPN.

Curse of the Ex-Steelers

2005-11-11T16:08:00.000-05:00

OK, I've just figured out how to put links on this thing. I think it's kind of stupid to have a blog that just links to other inane shit, but since I haven't had time to come up with anything to say this week here are a few Steelers-related stories from the last few years that I find interesting.

It seems like every time there's a story with a headline like this, Former NFL Lineman Killed in Horrible Tree Mishap, it ends up involving a former Steelers player. I'm not trying to make light of a man's death. Believe me, nobody feels worse about a guy getting crushed by a tree than me. But it seems like former players of the Steelers are involved in a disproportionate share of tragic deaths. For example, take a look at the horrible life Hall of Fame center Mike Webster had after leaving the NFL. It is very similar to the legacy of Steelers QB Joe Gilliam. Perhaps saddest for me, because I remember him so vividly as a player, was the death of Justin Strelczyk, who led state troopers on a 40-mile chase on the New York State Thruway before dying in a fiery, head-on collision with a tanker truck carrying corrosive acid.

To lighten things up a little bit here are a couple of stories about Steelers fans that I find amusing. The first one, called A Fan's Farewell, tells about a Steelers fan whose dying wishes were that he be propped up in a recliner, beer in hand, wearing Steelers pajamas and watching the Steelers on TV as his friends and family paid their last respects. And just a few weeks ago there was a story about a Steelers fan who pretended to be Ben Roethlisberger to pick up women. Sadly, I had actually thought about doing both of those things long before I read about them in the news.

Steelers vs. Ravens

2005-11-04T15:03:00.000-05:00

Well, I either underestimated the Ravens or overestimated the Steelers because the game was much closer than I expected. I've spent all week trying to rationalize why a game that should have been 35-3 ended up 20-19 and I've concluded that I really don't give a shit. A win is a win. The Ravens outplayed the Steelers statistically, but the Steelers only trailed for 1:45 of the game, so I don't think it's fair to say that either team deserved the win more than the other. I know that inter-divisional games are always tough, and the Ravens are bitter rivals and are going to be a difficult game no matter what the records are, but I'm not in the business of offering excuses for wins. Nevertheless, here is my humble analysis of what went right and what went wrong for the Steelers on Monday night.

Everyone knew that Baltimore was going to put eight men in the box and rely solely on Chris McAllister and Samari Rolle (two of the best CBs in the game, by the way) to shut down the Steelers receivers. The Ravens secondary held up their end of the bargain and really limited the Steelers passing attack. The thing that surprised me was that the Steelers seemed almost eager to abandon the run. The yards were by no means coming easy against the Ravens, but Willie Parker did manage to run the ball 14 times for 63 yards (4.5 yard average). That is pretty respectable considering that the Ravens defense was focusing so much of their attention on him. I think that if the Steelers would have stuck with their ground attack a little longer you would have started to see the Ravens defense wear down and eventually Willie Parker could have broken loose for a 40 or 50 yard run. I think Steelers offensive coordinator Ken Wisenhunt bought into the theory that if a team is going to bring their safeties up to stop the run you have to try to beat them in the air. But the Ravens CBs are too good to really take advantage of the one-on-one coverage. Indeed, the Steelers seemed to find the most success throwing to their rookie TE Heath Miller, who had two touchdown receptions on the night. The Ravens played well on defense, but the Steelers offensive performance on Monday simply lacked inspiration. That isn't unusual for the Steelers. It happens to every team, but the good teams are the ones that can manage to win those games regardless. The biggest difference between the Steelers of the past and the current squad is that now they seem to have enough talent on the offensive side of the ball to put up just enough points to win the close games. The defense didn't look spectacular, but for those who doubt the Steelers' defensive effort I would point you toward my recap of the Steelers/Chargers game. Everything I said about that game is applicable for this game.

As I'm sure everyone is aware, Ben Roethlisberger underwent surgery on Thursday to remove cartilage from his knee or some shit like that. I think that now would be an appropriate time for anyone who may be reading this to pause and reflect and perhaps say a little prayer if you're so inclined for Big Ben.... What this means is that the Blonde Bomber will be unavailable against the Packers on Sunday and possibly against the Browns on November 13. This presents quite a dilemma for Bill Cowher. On the one hand you have Tommy Maddox who single-handedly lost the game against the Jaguars three weeks ago. On the other you have Charlie Batch who hasn't started a game since 2001 when he was in a Lions uniform. Personally, I don't like either one of them and think they should let Hines Ward or Antwaan Randle-El play QB this week. Cowher, however, decided to go with Batch, which indicates that the team has lost all confidence in Tommy Maddox. The fans, of course, don't support Maddox at all after the Jacksonville game. But this week's game is in Green Bay, so it isn't like Maddox would get booed off the field if he played. The only logical conclusion is that the players themselves were as disgusted by his gutless performance against the Jaguars as the fans were. My biggest concern is what would happen if Batch really sucks this week against the Packers and Big Ben is unable to go next Sunday night at home against Cleveland. Would the Steelers dare let Maddox start again at QB in Pittsburgh where the fans will be all over him no matter what he does? The next two weeks will be interesting, but no matter who plays QB the Steelers are going to be playing three yards and a cloud of dust style football to try to keep the ball out of their QB's hands as much as possible.

As I mentioned above, the Steelers head for the frozen tundra this week to take on the woeful Packers who have won only one game this season. The Steelers are clearly the better team, but will be playing without their franchise QB. Will it matter? The Packers themselves have been ravaged by injuries, and are now completely reliant on Brett Favre's make-or-break QB play. The possibility exists that Favre will have a monumental game and rally the Packers to victory, but, frankly, at this point in his career there is probably a better chance that he'll throw three or four interceptions to go along with his 350 yards. The Packers are a franchise that seems to be in disarray and they just don't have the talent to match up with the Steelers. I fully expect the Steelers to go out and do what they do best: run the ball and play tough defense. The Steelers should win, but anything can happen in the NFL and no team is ever guaranteed of a win on any particular week. When you have a third string QB starting things are even more uncertain. Let us pray.

Fans Who Try Too Hard

2005-11-03T13:17:00.000-05:00

When the NFL schedule came out in April I was very pleased to see that the Steelers would be playing on Halloween night because it would give me a great excuse to ignore all the typical Halloween bullshit. When I was a kid I used to like Halloween, but that was mostly because it was an opportunity to vandalize shit with impunity. Once I reached the age where I could be tried as an adult Halloween lost a lot of its appeal. Now it’s just another excuse to drink, which I support, of course, but I don’t want to have to dress up in a costume to do it. I hate costumes and that is why I was a little disappointed when Monday Night Football opened with a shot of Steelers fans decked out in ridiculous Halloween attire. It looked more like the Oakland Coliseum than Heinz Field, and that isn’t a good thing in my opinion. Maybe I’m alone in this, but I think the Black Hole is vastly overrated in terms of places in the NFL where you don’t want to play. Honestly, if you were an opposing player or fan where would you feel more intimidated? A place like Cleveland or Philadelphia where you’re sitting next to some blue-collared simpleton who has been drinking heavily all day because he hates his life and is pissed because he just spent half of his disposable income this month on a ticket to watch his team get the shit kicked out of them or Oakland where you're next to some jerk who had the wherewithal to purchase a Darth Vader costume to wear to the game? I’m not trying to say that all Raiders fans are pushovers. In fact, I think that the crowds at the Oakland Coliseum suffer from the fact that most of the best Raiders fans are probably in prison or on the run from the law. The losers in the Black Hole notwithstanding, Raiders fans are some of the most bad-ass dudes you'll ever want to meet and under no circumstances should you fuck with them because there’s a good chance that they're in a motorcycle gang or under the influence of angel dust and therefore capable of demonstrating super-human strength.

The criticism that I have for the Black Hole in Oakland is also applicable for the Dawg Pound in Cleveland and the Hogettes in Washington. The thing that bothers me about these groups is that they seem more concerned about getting attention drawn to themselves than watching the game. The worst part is the assumption by the media that somehow these people care more about their team than the rest of the fans because they dress up like dogs or characters from Star Wars. I can tell you that the guy who is sitting in the back row of the stadium modestly displaying his loyalty with a tasteful jersey is just as happy when his team scores a touchdown as the guy with a pig's nose in a woman's dress.

The point I want to make is that NFL fans have a duty to keep opposing fans out of their stadium, but dressing up in elaborate costumes to look like professional wrestlers is not the way to do it. The way you get results is by establishing an atmosphere where, if things start heading south for the home team, there is a plausible risk that a fan of an opposing team will have a beer bottle smashed over his head or get the shit kicked out of him in the parking lot after the game. That’s the way it always has been and that is the way it should continue to be.

Leaders of the Pack

2005-10-31T00:14:00.000-05:00

Taking 20

2005-10-29T21:38:00.000-04:00

Greg's busy running an election, and I've been in Vegas and California with limited internet access. On Monday I'll get back on my blog grind (celebrating our spot atop the NFC Beast), but until then tikibarber belongs to SteelerCory.

In the meantime, check Simmons' column on a potential all-Manning SuperBowl with the kid coming out on top. We're probably getting ahead of ourselves with that kind of talk, but after the glorious Denver win, who really cares?

If You Didn't Know, Now You Know

2005-10-25T14:29:00.000-04:00

This was a game that I had been looking forward to since the beginning of the season. The bar where I go to watch the Steelers games on Sunday Ticket happens to be the place where all the Bengals fans in the city go to watch their game every week. To their credit these people are more than just a bunch of assholes from Cincinnati who circusmstantially root for the Bengals. As difficult as it may be to believe that someone could love the Bengals, these people really do love their team. They've been at the bar since week one, long before it could have occurred to them that this team might not be quite as shitty as they usually are. There were approximately 20 of them there, decked out in their butt ugly Bengals regalia (including a #51 Odell Thurman jersey of all things). Most of them were also sporting jumbo-sized "Who Dey" pins. For those who don't know, the Who Dey phrase comes from one of the most awkward chants in all of sports (right up there with Rock, Chalk, Jayhawk) which goes something like this: "Who dey, who dey, who dey think gonna beat them Bengals?" Not only does it make no sense rhythmically or grammatically, but for most of the Bengals' pitiful existence it has been a relatively easy question to answer: everybody. Not this year, however. This year's version of the Bengals were 5-1 entering their showdown with the Steelers. Their star-studded offense led by the Carson Palmer to Chad Johnson connection was the talk of the NFL. Their defense had forced 14 turnovers in their first six games. The only knock on them was that they hadn't beaten a team with a winning record yet this season. With them welcoming the Steelers to the Jungle the Bengals were supposed to establish themselves as a team to be taken seriously. Needless to say, the expectations could not have been any higher for the Bengal faithful.

It must be pointed out that this bar is not without its fair share of black and gold either. Like most bars I've watched games in, this one had a very respectable Steelers contingent. There were probably 12 Steelers supporters to match the 20 or so Bengals fans. What we lacked in numbers we made up for in intensity and good looks. There was me with my Ben Roethlisberger road jersey. There was a guy with a black #95 Greg Lloyd jersey, terrible towel in tow. Another guy sported the old school #75 Mean Joe Greene jersey. The most vocal of the Steelers fans there that day was the guy who decided to go with the # 69 customized jersey with his own name on the back. At one point, just after he had finished sticking it to the hapless Bengals fanatics about a play late in the game, another Steelers fan leaned over to me and said, "That guy is awesome." I agreed. Best of all, however, is the waitress, who is also a Steelers fan. Her femininity and good looks bring a sense of grace and personal hygiene to the Steelers that the rest of us miserable drunks cannot provide. Plus, the sight of supple, pouting breasts propping up a Steelers jersey was something I had never really dared to imagine, but now that I know it exists I feel like I've experienced a sort of spiritual rebirth. The world all of a sudden doesn't seem quite as meaningless as it was before. All in all, it is a good crew. When the Steelers score the high fives are solid. That's important. There's nothing that can kill the momentum of a touchdown celebration like a poorly executed pound. The bottom line is that it's a good place to watch a game, and for this game in particular, outside of Paul Brown Stadium in Cincinnati, this was the place to be.

For the first six weeks of the season these two camps coexisted in an uneasy truce. Both sides couldn't help but be cognizant of the other contingent celebrating their particular fortunes and know in the back of their mind that before long these two division rivals would lock up in a knock-down-drag-out battle for the AFC North. Each team needed this game badly. If the Bengals lost they would relinquish their status as a contender and in all likelihood would be relegated to the wildcard hunt. If the Steelers lost they would fall to 3-3 and be two and a half games behind the Bengals in the North. One thing was perfectly clear: by the time this game was over somebody was going to be walking out of that bar in shame. As it began to approach 1:00 there was a palpable tension in the air hovering over the Bengals section. The Steelers fans were composed, almost eerily calm, as should be expected from the fans of a team who has played in too many big games to let a must win scenario in October spook them. But things did not start out well for the Steelers. The Bengals took the opening kick off and marched right down the field. When Chad Johnson made a leaping grab in the end-zone the Bengals section went wild. "Shit," I thought, "these people suck." Chad Johnson broke into some retarded river dance celebration. I hate that fucking guy, what a.... Wait a minute! Hold the phones ladies and gentlemen, there's a red flag on the field. Chad Johnson landed out of bounds. Play reversed and the TD erased. Now it was the Steelers fans' turn to celebrate like the Greeks of old. The Bengals proceeded to transform into the same old Bungles we all know and love. The next play their receiver dropped an easy touchdown. Next Shayne Graham missed a chip shot field goal. The Steelers took over, still 0-0. The moral victory for the Steelers was short-lived, however, because after a three-and-out the Bengals got the ball back and drove once again. But the Steelers defense came up big when it needed to and the drive was halted inside the 20 where Cincinnati was forced to settle for a field goal. Having amassed 129 yards of offense in their first two possessions the Bengals had only three points to show for it.

The rest of the game can be summed up in six words: The Steelers kicked the Bengals' asses. The Steelers ran for 221 yards. Ben Roethlisberger returned to action and threw a pair of TDs. After the embarrassing effort of Tommy Maddox last week there has never been a 93 yard performance more appreciated by a group of fans in the NFL. The defense dominated. They picked off Carson Palmer twice and held him to a 53.8 passer rating after averaging 104.4 on the season. The Bengals managed only 173 yards of offense after the initial two Bengals possessions. Best of all, Chad Johnson was held to 94 receiving yards (47 of those yards came on a play late in the 4th quarter with the Steelers in prevent defense) and no touchdowns. You can take your checklist and shove it up your ass, Chad, you fucking loser. The game wasn't even as close as these stats indicate. The only thing that kept the game in reach for the Bengals in the first half was a series of ridiculous personal foul penalties against the Steelers that cost them 45 yards. The Steelers flat-out demoralized the Bengals and finally put them in their place. Everybody knows who is still the boss of the AFC North.

The Steelers emerged from their hardest stretch of games this season with a 4-2 record. Luckily they still get to play the entire NFC North, which should account for four more relatively easy wins. There are no major injuries so far this season, and for that I am very thankful. I think this week proved that when the Steelers play up to their potential they are the best team in the NFL. Next week the Steelers host the Ravens on Halloween night. This match-up looked much more interesting before the Ravens started to suck. To make matters even worse for Baltimore it sounds like neither Ray Lewis nor Ed Reed will be available for the game. What a couple of pussies. I hope that they still run their mouths off like usual because it is always satisfying to shut their overrated asses up. Obviously the Steelers will be heavy favorites. I realize that there isn't anything that the Ravens would enjoy more than to knock off the Steelers on national TV, but it doesn't seem very likely to happen this week. They've looked like shit all year and they have everything going against them this week. The Steelers have already demolished three teams this season, and I suspect the Ravens will be the fourth.

clutch.

2005-10-23T19:32:00.000-04:00

O Dallas You Shine With an Evil Light

2005-10-21T03:01:00.000-04:00

A tough Texas showdown in the resurgent NFC East, pitting the offensive juggernaut masquerading as the New York Football Giants against the Dallas Cowboys, who served notice around the league last week with their 31-13 thrashing of Philadelphia. As we enter week 7, it is clear that the NFC East is, for the first time in years, both extremely strong and up for grabs. The Giants and the Redskins, the division’s doormats the past couple of years, seem sincere in their changed ways and sit atop the division at 3-1, while the Cowboys and Eagles are just a half game back at 3-2. If the Eagles are as vulnerable as they looked last week, this is anybody’s division, and will be decided in typical NFC East fashion: gritty, hard-fought, bitter games with controversial calls and hurt feelings, the kind of games that either make or ruin a Sunday.

Which brings us to 1:00 at Texas Stadium, the bizarre quasi-dome with those signature shadows. Nobody knows precisely how Texas Stadium came upon its unique architectural feature, this hole in the dome that exposes two-thirds of the field while covering the stands and sidelines. One legend has it that the stadium was constructed with Ed “Too Tall” Jones in mind, the 6-10 Defensive End who anchored the Dallas defense in the 1970s and 80s. Why does the hole only expose the middle two-thirds of the field? Because Jones was a defensive lineman, of course. Cowboy linebacker D.D. Lewis posited another theory: According to Lewis, who played for the Pokes in the ‘60s and ‘70s, the hole exists “so that God can watch his team.” Whatever the reason, the partial covering keeps the wind out of the stadium, and on a day like today, 80 degrees at game time and getting hotter, cool breezes are precluded from offering any relief from the withering Texas heat.

But as the campy music ushers in the kickoff, currents of electricity flow through the stadium as Jose Cortez puts the foot to it, and we’re underway. Eli Manning leads the Giants offense onto the field, a unit that has surpassed the wildest of New York’s inflated expectations by ranking as the highest scoring offense in the league, averaging a whopping 34 points per game. Fans of Big Blue have no doubt been doing double-takes for the past two weeks, attempting in vain to get their minds around the fact that the normally staid and stolid Giants can now be described by such terms as dangerous and high-octane, a team that can light up the scoreboard. Year two of the Eli experiment has been a smashing success: the younger Manning ranks fifth in the league with a Quarterback rating of 97.8, ahead of brother Peyton by a considerable margin. He has been well protected by a healthy and effective offensive line, and has found his rhythm with newcomer Plaxico Burress and a healthy, re-energized Jeremy Shockey. With Tiki Barber keeping up his excellence, this is an offense that is clicking on all cylinders, a much-needed shot in the arm for a proud franchise that has looked moribund for the past couple of years.

But they face some strong competition in the Cowboys, who, in year three of the Bill Parcells administration, seem poised to make some serious noise. The surprising offense is led by an aged trio who are all having their best seasons since around 1997 in Quarterback Drew Bledsoe and Wideouts Keyshawn Johnson and Terry Glenn. But it is Dallas’ quick, aggressive defense that really does the heavy lifting, coming off a dominant performance in which they limited Philadelphia’s potent offense to 129 yards.

And this speedy Dallas defense looks like it came to play today, flying around to hold the Giants offense three and out on the first series. Shortly after the ‘Boys take possession, however, Drew Bledsoe muffs the center snap, and with the ball bouncing unpredictably and unpossessed on the plastic grass, Michael Strahan opportunistically pounces on it, giving the Giants a golden opportunity at the Dallas 39.

But the Cowboy defense stiffens as the Giants cannot muster a first down. Jay Feely is brought on to attempt the 50-yard field goal, and the strong-legged free-agent acquisition rewards Coach Coughlin’s confidence by blasting it through the still, humid air, splitting the uprights for a 3-0 Giants lead.

Any lead, however small, has the important effect of tilting a game’s psychological balance, where one team feels a slight but palpable boost of confidence, while the other feels a tension of the same proportions. But with the scoring barrage that the prognosticators expect today, these three points might be merely a drop in the bucket. If the first four games have shown us anything, it is that just as the Giants offense will surely put up points, the Giants defense will surely give up yards. They have given up a somewhat disturbing average of 425 yards per game entering today, but have managed to get off the hook by being the recipient of 14 turnovers.

And so the first few Cowboy series’ are a familiar sight for Giants fans: Drew Bledsoe and his aging receivers Johnson and Glenn are victimizing the Giants ineffectual secondary, accumulating big chunks of yardage, only to squander scoring opportunities with turnovers. These Cowboy turnovers -- combined with two unsuccessful field goal attempts by embattled kicker Jose Cortez -- become gift-wrapped scoring opportunities for the Giants, but the lethargic Giants, perhaps not fully awake after their bye week, can muster only a measly Feely field goal. Midway through the second quarter, despite the Cowboys’ markedly superior play, it is the Giants who have a precarious 6-0 lead.

But furious with the scoreboard and determined not to shoot themselves in the foot, Dallas put together a grinding, methodical, 16-play march that is reminiscent of Bill Parcells’ days with the Giants. Dallas converts three third and shorts on the backpedaling Giants defense, and Drew Bledsoe goes 8 for 9, including an easy flip to Tight End Jason Whitten from the two-yard line for a touchdown. The extra point is tacked on, and Dallas leads 7-6 going into halftime, the scoreboard finally reflecting the fact that Dallas has been the better team today by far. A look at the halftime stats puts this into stark clarity:

First Downs: Dallas 13 - Giants 3
Total Yards: Dallas 207 – Giants 57
Time of Posession: Dallas 18:33 – Giants 11:27

But as the temperature continues to rise, and the Texans settle back in their seats, and the shadows continue their afternoon’s migration across the field, the slate is more or less wiped clean as Jay Feely’s kickoff ushers in the second half. The Giants defense takes the field, and a few plays into the series, a speed-rushing Osi Umenyiora swoops around the bend and knocks the ball from Bledsoe’s hand, getting all ball – if this were basketball, they wouldn’t have called a foul – and the Giants recover for another big break, taking possession at the Dallas 31.

The Giants offense trots out, determined to shuck the dull torpor that has characterized its day. Eli Manning hits the previously silent Jeremy Shockey for a 14 yard gain on first down. But two plays later, a miscommunication between Manning and prized free-agent wideout Plaxico Burress proves disastrous: With Burress running a route in front of two Dallas defenders, Manning expects him to turn back for a pass that will be tightly spiraled in, but Burress continues on his route, vacating the area where the ball was thrown and leaving Manning’s pass to falls into the hands of Dallas cornerback Anthony Henry for an easy interception. A big return brings the ball all the way to midfield, and the Giants’ offense, which has been so crisp for much of the season, continues today’s ineptitude.

But with Dallas ready to bury the Giants, a team that seems to have misplaced its intensity sometime during its bye week, the Cowboys would fall victim to the same malaise as their opponents. Much of the third quarter was characterized by turnovers and abundant penalties on both sides of the ball; it became an enervating, frustrating afternoon for both sides, and a game that was painful to watch for fans of either persuasion. The furious urging of Tom Coughlin and Bill Parcells, two of the sternest taskmasters in all of pro sports, proved no match for the withering heat.

It was Dallas who broke through first, compiling another impressive Parcells classic, another meat-grinder against a Giants defense that seemed just about ready to pack up, leave, and call it a bad day. Starting from their own 10 yard line, Dallas marched all the way down for a first and ten at the Giants 20. As the third quarter gave way to the forth, Dallas seemed poised to expand its lead to eight points, on a day where an eight point lead could be described as commanding. But the Giants defense stiffened in the nick of time, forcing Dallas into a field goal, and keeping this game -- which by some measures is extremely one-sided -- within reach on the scoreboard.

After the Cowboys Jose Cortez kicks off, Eli and his troops trot out, attempting to right the wrongs of the previous three plus quarters. But more misfortune befalls, as Eli is blindsided by LaRoi Glover and fumbles the ball. Dallas recovers at the Giant 30, and once again, America’s Team has a chance to notch a significant, and this time, potentially backbreaking score. But after a couple of first downs, the Giants defense reaches down and keeps Dallas out of the endzone once again. Jose Cortez drills a 28 yard chip shot, to give the frustrated Cowboys a 13-6 lead, a slim margin considering that they’ve thoroughly outplayed their opponents.

But then, finally, with 4:40 to go in the fourth quarter, the sleeping Giants awoke. Eli Manning, who had heretofore resembled the flummoxed and frightened rookie that he was last year, snapped out of his funk and started making plays. Jeremy Shockey, his emotional fire conspicuously absent for much of the day, started catching passes, including a huge one on 4th and 10 that took the Giants down to the Dallas twelve as two minute warning came. Tiki Barber darted down to the Dallas three on the next play, prompting Tom Coughlin to send in his goal line offense, substituting the scatty Tiki for Big Brandon Jacobs. Jacobs was drafted in the fourth round this year for this specific purpose of addressing the Giants short-yardage woes. He has been impressive so far, and has endeared himself to the Meadowlands faithful with his infectious love of contact and punishing runs. Coughlin calls Jacobs number, but after busting through the initial line of defenders, Dallas’ Roy Williams, a lethal hitting safety who doesn’t get outphysicalled by anybody, punches the ball from Jacobs, and we have another live ball on the carpet.

Chaos ensues, the usual chaos of the fumble scramble, except at a more intense pitch, given the situation. After an eternity – or was it five seconds? – of clawing, biting, scratching, and kicking, jubilant white jerseys at the pile’s perimeter exult as the good news is unearthed: Dallas ball, as Texas Stadium erupts.

With 1:18 remaining, Dallas needs only to run a few more plays and convert a first down or two to seal the victory, but the Giants defense, who have stepped up admirably in the second half, stops them three and out. After a Dallas punt, New York takes over at midfield with 52 seconds left. Despite everything, they are still alive.

Eli Manning goes right back to work, displaying the quiet but white-hot fire that Giant fans have become acquainted with this year. He deftly escapes pressure and squeezes in a 28-yard pass to Plaxico Burress before firing to a dragging Jeremy Shockey on the next play, who brings it in, squares his shoulders upfield, and rumbles to pay dirt and a miraculous tie score. Shockey lays on the ground, delirious with exhaustion and euphoria, and the giddy shouting of the visiting Giants bench is the only audible sound in the stunned stadium. Tie game, and we’re going to overtime.

Every football fan has heard that stat that the team that wins the coin toss has only a 52% chance of winning the game, while the team that loses the toss wins 44% of the time, with the remaining games being ties. This offers some comfort to Giants fans as Tiki Barber’s “Heads” call proves wrong, but on a day like today, with the teams exhausted and the momentum fickle… the Giants could’ve used the ball.

And Drew Bledsoe goes right to work, completing a ten yard pass to Patrick Crayton, a 13 yarder to Terry Glenn, and then, the big play, a 26 yard pass to quietly stellar Tight End Jason Whitten on a blown coverage by Giants safety Brett Alexander, moving the ball to the Giants 28. A few plays and two yards later, Jose Cortez comes in for a 45 yard field goal. This is no chip shot for Cortez, who has missed two field goals today and has been positively awful all season long, but this one, from the moment it came off his foot, was splitting the uprights. There is always the vain hope when a fan watches on TV that these types of kick which are obviously on-line will somehow be short, but Cortez’ has plenty of leg. A quick, efficient overtime that was the exact opposite of the long, slog of a mistake-filled game. Dallas wins, 16-13.

Open Letter to Tommy Maddox

2005-10-20T21:02:00.000-04:00

Dear Mr. Maddox,

Hell of a job on Sunday, Tommy. I hope you’re happy with yourself. I’m sure you’ll be pleased to know that because of your pitiful display against the Jaguars I’ve cried myself to sleep every night this week. I keep asking myself what I could have done to deserve this kind of anguish. What kind of god would allow an abomination like that to occur? Christians say that god sacrificed his only son to be crucified for the sins of mankind, but I bet that even he would have had second thoughts about allowing him to be a Steelers fan with you at QB. I wish I were exaggerating, but your shittiness is truly of biblical proportions. Just as Hitler was a genius at being evil, Tommy, you are a genius at being shitty.

Let’s take a look at what exactly what went wrong. You threw three interceptions and coughed up one fumble. The second interception gave the Jaguars the ball on the Steelers 7-yard line and eventually led to a Jacksonville touchdown. The fumble occurred in overtime after Quincy Morgan had returned the kickoff to the Jacksonville 27-yard line (the 27-yard line!), killing Jeff Reed’s chance to kick a game-winning field goal. And, of course, last but not least was the interception two minutes later at the Steelers’ own 35-yard line that was returned by Rashean Mathis for the game-winning touchdown. You threw for a whopping 154 yards, including one touchdown, and had a QB rating of 30.1 (compared to Ben Roethlisberger’s season rating of 123.8).

I have to be honest with you here, Tommy, I’ve searched the depths of my soul and sought guidance from wise men of all faiths and from all regions of the world, and yet I could not find an explanation for what the fuck happened on Sunday. But, just as I had lost all hope of finding an answer I came across your post-game press conference where you shed light on that embarrassing episode. When asked whether wind was a factor in your performance, you responded, “You hate to sit here and say ‘a lot,’ but a lot.” Come on, Tommy, you’ve got to be fucking kidding me! The only way the wind played a factor in that game is if it were strong enough to physically move the fucking Jacksonville cornerbacks into the triple coverage you threw into on virtually all your passes. Please spare us Steelers fans your pathetic excuses and let us throw you under the bus with as little fuss as possible.

Perhaps the most infuriating thing from the press conference was your response to a question about the booing by the Heinz Field faithful. You said, “I was disappointed in that. I’d be lying if I said no. I think that sometimes it is to be expected. When you have a track record in a city, like I do here, I was disappointed.” Ok, let’s talk about your track record for a second. You were a first round draft pick who left the league in disgrace and commenced work as an insurance salesman until your career was resurrected by Vince McMahon. After winning the league MVP as QB of the Los Angeles XTreme of the now defunct XFL the Steelers signed you as a free agent in 2001. To your credit you did manage to unseat Kordell Stewart, whose ineptitude at QB is the stuff of legend, but almost exactly two years later you lost your job to a rookie who never had taken a snap in the NFL. The saddest thing about you is that your performance on Sunday arguably wasn’t even the worst of your career. In fact, while watching the Jacksonville game a horrifying memory that had been buried deep in my subconscious resurfaced. In case you don’t remember, which you may not since it was your first game back after you damn near broke your neck in Tennessee, in a game against the expansion Texans in 2002 you threw two interceptions that were returned for touchdowns and gave up another fumble that was also returned for a TD. The only thing that makes me feel at all better is that you have now officially blown any chance you may have had at catching on as a starting QB of another team in the NFL. If you're looking for a change of career, I would suggest that you very well may be the perfect replacement for Brownie at FEMA. Not only do you mishandle everything you get your hands on, but you seem to have some sort of superhuman ability to take a bad situation and make it much, much worse in ways that nobody could even have conceived of. I guess it's a form of creative incompetence. Way to think outside the box, Tommy.

I realize that due to salary cap constraints and whatnot you will continue to be a member of the Steelers for the rest of the season. However, I humbly request that you no longer speak to the media or your teammates and avoid any activities that would lead the public to associate you with the Pittsburgh Steelers. Also, if you would kindly wear a paper bag over your head whenever you’re on the sidelines of a Steelers game it would be greatly appreciated.

You suck,

(dictated but not signed)

Cory

----------------------------

In the interest of full disclosure, the rest of the Steelers didn’t exactly set the world on fire on Sunday either. And even though I am admittedly a Bill Cowher apologist, I think that he deserves some of the blame for sticking with Maddox too long and for not letting the Bus run the ball in overtime. The defense played fairly well considering that they were often put in bad situations thanks to the impotent offense. Greg Jones was surprisingly effective, but the Steelers did shut him down when they needed to most on a big fourth down attempt by Jacksonville and then again at the end of the first half when the Jags were knocking on the door. The biggest impact of the loss is that it makes the game this week against the Bengals a must win. I was feeling pretty confident about the Steelers’ chances in Cincinnati with the return of the Jewish Rifle, but the latest injury report has made me a little nervous. Hines Ward, Antwaan Randle-El and Cedrick Wilson (i.e., the Steelers’ top three receivers) are all listed as questionable, as is guard Alan Faneca and defensive end Aaron Smith. Cornerbacks Deshea Townsend and Ricardo Colclough are doubtful. Those are some major contributors and losing any of them will hurt the Steelers’ chances. I’m hoping for the best and my worries are slightly assuaged by the fact that it is the Bengals, after all, and I don’t have a lot of faith in them pulling out the big W in a crucial spot. The line is either even or the Steelers are slight underdogs. Go with the Steelers.

Urgent and Horrifying Bulletin

2005-10-20T19:56:00.000-04:00

I watched the Steelers game at a local bar that has the Sunday Ticket and I was terribly dismayed at something that I consider to be of dire importance to all football fans, something that I dare say rises to the level of being a matter of homeland security. I’m talking about the infiltration of nerds into the realm of NFL football.

The increase in the number of nerds is, of course, directly attributable to the rise of fantasy football as a national pastime. Nerds don’t even like the football part of it. They just like crunching numbers and the good-natured shit talking that makes them feel like they’re one of the guys. Now, I do think that fantasy football serves a legitimate role as a way for preexisting football fans to get in on a little extra action every week. More importantly, fantasy football has arguably prevented countless suicide attempts of fans of 4-12 teams for whom the football season would have otherwise been an unbearable experience. If football fans were smarter we would have kept a lid on it and prevented the influx of nerds before it even started, but we didn’t do that, and now they’re here to stay, and they’re really annoying.

Whenever you see a group of four or more males in their mid to late 20s with no female in sight you are probably dealing with a pack of nerds. And much to my chagrin as I was watching the Steelers game on Sunday I found myself surrounded by an entire fucking fantasy league of nerds, complete with Mac/PC shit talking and everything (one guy even had to go home when his wife called). Now, whenever dealing with a pack of nerds it is important to keep in mind that there is always a leader, a person whom the rest of the group looks to for validation as if what he thinks actually makes a difference. This is often the member of the pack with the most advanced Dungeons and Dragons character, but they have also been known to arrange their hierarchy in terms of knowledge of Star Trek or their proficiency at the latest first-person shooter computer game. I had the misfortune of having the seat at the bar adjacent to the king of this particular group. He was short, pudgy, and had glasses and a ponytail. He also took it upon himself to keep score of the weekly fantasy points for practically every team in the league on a sheet of paper during the course of the games. Not just touchdowns either. He recorded every yard, reception, sack and point allowed for all nine of the 1:00 games. Why this fucking guy didn’t just sit in front of his computer and watch Stat-Tracker is beyond me. At first it was only slightly annoying, but when a Tommy Maddox interception was followed by a joyous cry that the Jacksonville defense had just gotten two points it became personal.

If you ever find yourself in a similar situation it is essential to understand a couple of things about who you are dealing with. First of all, the conventional wisdom is that nerds are somehow smarter than the rest of the population. That is bullshit. As Greg likes to say, “If nerds were really smart then they wouldn’t be nerds.” The other important thing to remember is that all nerds are pussies (although not all pussies are necessarily nerds). When these two universal truths are combined the inescapable conclusion is that you don’t have to put up with their shit. I decided to test my theory out at the bar on Sunday during the fourth quarter of the game. After a sack by the Jaguars defense resulted in yet another pointless celebration by the geek sitting next to me I turned to him and said, “Hey, Poindexter, why don’t you give it a fucking rest.” I wish I could say that things escalated from there, but all that followed was a meek apology (by him, not me). The point I'm trying to make is that it is really easy to put these nerds in their place and real football fans shouldn't tolerate any of their bullshit. In fact, it is the duty of any real football fan to make sure these nerds understand who is boss when it comes to football. We must not allow the proud tradition of the sport to be compromised by a bunch of mama’s boys who watch the games for all the wrong reasons.

Sir Lawrence of the Meadowlands on Quite Frankly

2005-10-19T13:37:00.000-04:00

That's right, everyone's favorite crack smoking, Jaworski-wrecking Giant had the pleasure of sitting down with everyone's, uh, well, with Stephen A. Smith. Now, I'm certainly no fan of Screamin' A., but when the show first premiered I had high hopes for it. I’ve always been fascinated by athletes, and hoped that Stephen A. could provide the sort of access that’s absent in today’s 5 Burning Buddweiser Hot Seat Questions age. The Firestone Weep Sessions of yore were always good for a laugh, but Roy could never truly be down with an Iverson or Moss, no matter how big he let his 'fro get.

Smith, however, was friends with guys like Iverson. He was an ally. Presumably, over the course of an hour long sitdown he would make the guys feel comfortable enough to open up and provide us with never-before-seen insight.

At least that was the hope. Unfortunately, Screamin’ A. is really awkward (and apparently even worse in person) and most of the interviews I’ve seen have been disappointments. Because of this (or the fact that more than half of America hated him to begin with), the show has been a huge failure, managing to draw lower ratings than the billiards reruns that it replaced in the ESPN lineup.

Nontheless, I tuned in when I heard LT was on. How could I not? When the show began with a montage of LT wrecking QBs and the NY studio crowd chanting "LT LT LT," I thought I was in good hands. The opening segment was the usual talk of drugs and football that we've all heard before. It didn't really capture my interest, but I knew it was inevitable. I just hoped that at some point they'd break new ground. Unfortunately, when they came back from commercial for the second segment, LT was joined by some white video game exec who was promoting Blitz: The League, a game that features a digital Lawrence on the cover.

Oh, so this is why LT's doing the interview. Shit. Nonetheless, LT never really let the white dude talk, and the conversation about video games had a few highlights, particularly the revelation that this LT endorsed game features gambling and "escorts." LT, wanting to make a buck off the game without biting the NFL hand that has fed him for so long (the NFL cut off all affiliation with this game after a bunch of the concerned parent types complained about its violence), claimed gambling and prostitution are in the game but not in the NFL. This prompted Stephen A. to ask LT about his history with call girls:
"You talked about how you would actually send prostitutes to opposing team’s hotels..."
"Escorts," LT corrected, "not prostitutes."

But between Smith's awkwardness and LT's crackheadedness, the interview never really got off the ground. When Smith tried to criticize LT for his involvement with a game inappropriate for 11 year old children (what insulting bullshit), LT responded with the bizarre, "Well, I got a game for them. It’s called Donald Duck meets Quite Frankly," (???) before cracking up at his own joke. Smith, not knowing how to respond, threw it to commercial and the show ended.

It wasn't a completely wasted 30 minutes, but I certainly wouldn't sit through it again. In the end, I felt the way I usually do with any Taylor appearance: a little sad and nostalgic, mildly amused, and generally confused.

Lost Weekend

2005-10-17T00:07:00.000-04:00

I spent the afternoon at the AlamoDome, crutches and shredded ankle in tow, surrounded by "Saints fans" who roared every time the Cowboys-Giants score was announced with the 'Boys in the lead. On the bright side, I missed the Giants 4 turnover performance. It's not something I really want to witness, but out of dedication to our loyal readership, I'm going to put the tape on as I fall asleep tonight. A Greg Recap (patent pending) should follow.

Steelers vs. Chargers

2005-10-14T15:33:00.000-04:00

(Notice: The author of this post is not a Giants fan. He knows very little about the Giants. This post is primarily dedicated to the Pittsburgh Steelers. If you are looking for Giants content you are advised to scroll down, unless, of course, you want to live vicariously through the Steelers and feel what it's like to go into San Diego and actually win. Ball busting aside, I wish the Giants luck to the extent that their interests don't conflict with mine.)

“Go fuck yourself, San Diego!”

If you were anywhere outside in Brooklyn Heights on Monday night at 12:30 you would have likely heard this cry emanate from an anonymous fifth floor window as Jeff Reed’s game-winning field goal sailed through the uprights of Qualcomm Stadium giving the Steelers a huge win to put themselves at 3-1 on the season. Actually, I have nothing against the Chargers or the city of San Diego. Well, that's not entirely true. I actually do hate them for the ’94 AFC Championship. But to be honest, right now I’m really just happy to get out of there with a win and Ben Roethlisberger’s knee ligaments still in tact. The official diagnosis on Big Ben is a hyper-extension with a bone bruise, which means that he is pretty much day-to-day. Speaking of injuries, my fantasy squad suffered a major blow this weekend when Deuce McAllister went down for the season. On Tuesday I got an email from a dude in my league who had snatched up Antowain Smith in an attempt to blackmail me for Larry Fitzgerald. I have a policy of not negotiating with terrorists, and as far as I’m concerned this amounts to nothing less than fantasy football extortion, which isn’t quite terrorism, but close enough for me. I still have Willie Parker on my bench, and I would rather strap my fantasy fortunes to his star than Antowain Smith’s. In the end, it really doesn’t matter because Deuce McAllister wasn’t doing shit this year anyway. My team is now 2-3 and officially sucks. And while we’re on the subject of my pathetic life, in the parallel universe known as my Madden franchise the Steelers are also 3-1 with their only loss coming against the Patriots in Week 3. It’s still a little early to tell how things are going to shape up, but the story of my Madden season so far has to be the utter lack of professionalism with which the Pittsburgh Steelers have played. To give you an idea of what I’m talking about it should suffice to say that the Steelers are on pace to shatter the old NFL record for fake field goal attempts, having successfully converted only one of their eight tries through four games.

Anyway, back in the real world, I feel pretty good about where the Steelers are this season. It was nice to see the Bus back in action and looking good. The win this week was huge. The loss to the Patriots in Week 3 was obviously devastating, but I don’t think it was the bellwether for the Steelers season that many people assumed it was. Considering that many people were doubtful of the Steelers’ status as an elite team before the season started, I think that the win in San Diego verified that the Steelers will be a force to be reckoned with this year in the AFC. The Bengals loss on Sunday night gives them a little more room for error, which is a relief because they’re in the middle of a brutal part of their schedule. The game next week against the Jags has me a little worried, especially because it is a short week for the Steelers. Fortunately they’re at home. Scoring is going to be at a premium against the Jags, so a lot may depend on who the Steelers start at QB this week. This game is off in Vegas, which means that it is really anybody’s guess who’s going to play. My bet would be on Tommy Maddox because it seems his calf injury has taken a turn for the better this week. If Maddox can’t go I think the Steelers may give the start to a gimpy Big Ben as opposed to Charlie Batch. I don’t have a lot of faith in Charlie Batch against the vaunted Jacksonville defense. Plus, Big Ben is just a tough guy and I wouldn’t be surprised to at least see him suit up for Sunday.

I’d like to take some time to air a couple of grievances stemming from Monday night’s game. First of all, the officiating was absolutely atrocious. A lot of people say that you could call holding on every single play of an NFL game. Well, on Monday night they did and it completely ruined the game. God knows that ABC has had more than their fair share of duds on Monday Night Football in recent years, but this should have been a showcase for two of the best teams in the NFL. Unfortunately, instead of analyzing a close game and letting the viewers get to know two teams that are bound to make an impact in the playoffs, Madden and Michaels spent half the broadcast criticizing bad calls made by the officials. I was actually a little more upset about this before I watched the god-awful call in the ninth inning of Game 2 of the ALCS. At least the refs didn’t ostensibly change the outcome of the football game. But there were some really bad calls. And just to prove that I’m not blinded by my Steelers fanaticism, San Diego clearly got screwed with two consecutive personal fouls that gave the Steelers 30 free yards on a touchdown drive in the second quarter. But can anyone tell me what the fuck the deal was on the Darren Sproles fumble? That could be the single worst call I have ever seen in an NFL game. There’s only one thing you can say about what happened: the Steelers got a raw deal. I think that it is worthwhile to single out Jeff Triplett as the asshole in charge. In fact, I was so pissed that I took the time to Google this motherfucker the next day. It turns out that he’s the same guy who blinded Orlando Brown with a penalty flag in 1999. This clown is obviously a complete failure as a human being and should never be allowed to work a nationally televised game again.

I also was upset with the way Al Michaels handled the Big Ben injury. I don’t have a problem with him diagnosing the injury from the booth, in fact, watching games on TV I do that kind of thing all the time, but if you’re going to do it then get it right. Any real football fan has seen their fair share of knees get blown out, and it really doesn’t take an orthopedist to know that when someone’s knee gets bent backwards that guy is done for the rest of the season. But the Big Ben injury looked nothing like that. I don’t really know what a hyper-extension is, but you could tell intuitively by looking at the replay that that was exactly what Ben Roethlisberger did to his knee. Unfortunately, the overreaction to the injury by the media has taken the attention away from an important win for the Steelers. I usually like Al Michaels, but what he did on Monday night was bad journalism and by putting an unnecessary damper on the Steelers victory he robbed me of the feeling of self-righteousness I usually enjoy after a Steelers win, and for that I will never forgive him.

Now it’s time for some real football. As I was watching the second half of the game on Monday night I was thinking that a lot of people who don’t watch the Steelers every week are probably a little underwhelmed when watching their highly touted defense. When you look at the stats the Steelers are a dominant defense, yet when you see them play they often look soft and opposing offenses seem able to move the ball at will against them, especially against potent offenses. However, unless you watch the Steelers week after week you can’t truly appreciate the philosophy that underlies their defensive performance. In general, I think one of the biggest mistakes a lot of teams in the NFL make these days is that they don’t have a well-articulated philosophy about what they want to do on offense and on defense. The days where you could build a great team by stockpiling talent are over due to the salary cap. This means that every team, to at least some extent, must pick their poison. The teams that are successful are the ones that know their strengths and live and die by them. Perhaps an example would help to demonstrate what I mean by this and I think the game on Monday night is a useful tool to show exactly how this defense was able to hold one of the most potent offenses in the league to 22 points. The Steelers defensive philosophy is based on three points of emphasis: 1) stop the run, 2) bend but don’t break, and 3) create turnovers. Here is the breakdown:

1. Stop the Run. Of course this is a lot easier said than done, but no team in the NFL does it better than the Pittsburgh Steelers. As I’m sure everyone already knows, the Steelers play a 3-4 defense in which the nose tackle plays a more significant role than in other defensive schemes. Casey Hampton is the anchor of the defensive line. Although he rarely records sacks and doesn't even make a lot of tackles, he was a Pro Bowler in 2003 and would likely have been again last year if his season hadn’t ended in October due to injury. His main job is to wreak havoc with the interior of the offensive line and free up space for his ends and linebackers to make the tackles. The stats that best indicate Hampton’s productivity are those of the opposing running back. On Monday night the Steelers held LaDainian Tomlinson, who tears through defenses like a Jewish mother through self esteem, to 62 yards on the ground. And people shouldn’t be shocked by this. The Steelers have a tradition of shutting down the best runners in the NFL even in their worst seasons. Everything the Steelers do on defense depends on stopping the run. Once the opposing running game is left for dead, opposing teams must resort to the pass.

2. Bend But Don’t Break. Perhaps the most frustrating aspect of the defense for Steelers fans is the fact that the defense will let teams nickel-and-dime them to death. This is because the compromise the Steelers have made in their defensive scheme is that they will allow the opposing team to throw the ball in between the 20s. It is the soft underbelly of the Steelers defense. The Steelers cornerbacks are traditionally not great in coverage to begin with, but the Steelers play so aggressively that it means that on any given play there is probably at least one receiver open. Their role is to prevent the big play and occassionally put pressure on the quarterback. The reasoning behind this strategy is that stopping the pass is hard to begin with. Even the best cornerbacks get burned by average wide receivers in this league. Therefore, if a team is going to move down the field, it is better to be broken up over as many plays as possible in order to maximize the chance of creating a turnover. Once the opposing team has entered the red zone, however, the Steelers defense solidifies and becomes one of the most difficult teams in the NFL to score a touchdown against. Of course, there really isn’t a magic formula for stopping teams in the red zone. This is the area of the game where the stars of the offense shine the brightest, and it is therefore essential for the defense to stop the offense from doing what it does best. Monday night is a good example. The Chargers had five scoring drives. LaDainian Tomlinson and Antonio Gates are without a doubt the two best weapons on the San Diego offense, and each of them scored one touchdown. But the important part is that they each scored only one touchdown. On the other three trips deep into Pittsburgh territory San Diego settled for three short Nate Kaeding field goals. By preventing Tomlinson and Gates from taking over the game, the Steelers were able to minimize the offensive prowess that the Chargers had shown in their previous two games. For non-Steelers fans it may be easy to chalk that up to luck or poor execution by the offense, but Steelers fans know that their defense plays its absolute best when its back is up against the wall.

3. Create Turnovers. This is the least reliable aspect of the Steelers defense. When the defense is playing at the top of its game, however, it is also the most impressive aspect. Everyone knows about the infamous zone blitz scheme that the Steelers employ. As I mentioned above, instead of playing conservatively and investing all of its resources in trying to stop 10-yard passing plays, the Steelers like to gamble in hopes of getting a drive-ending sack, jarring the ball loose in the QB’s hands, or forcing an interception at some point in the drive. It requires an investment in high-risk, high-return type players. The linebackers are the primary pass rushers in this defense. Most football fans already recognize Pro Bowlers like Joey Porter and James Farrior, but I would like to point out a linebacker who non-Steelers fans probably do not know. His name is James Harrison. He is an undrafted wonder from Kent State. He is technically the backup to Clark Haggans, but is currently in the starting lineup due to injury and stands a good chance at keeping his job based on the high level of his play given his limited amount of playing time so far. If you watched the game on Monday night he was the guy who intercepted the Drew Brees pass and hurdled over Antonio Gates on the return. He is a beast of a pass rusher, someone who potentially could be the kind of pass rusher the Steelers haven’t really had since the mid-90s. He is a true playmaker and before the season is over people all around the NFL will likely know is name. Harrison’s interception was the only Chargers turnover of the game. Normally the Steelers can count on at least a couple of turnovers per game against offenses that execute poorly, but sometimes against teams with good QB play turnovers don’t happen, and in that respect Brees should be given credit for his performance against the Steelers D. When the turnovers don’t happen the Steelers are forced to rely on their other strengths even more, and fortunately for them they were able to hold the Chargers to three second half field goals, which ultimately was the reason they won the game.

In sum, the genius of the Steelers scheme is that they have very self-consciously picked the things they want to do well on defense and the things they are willing to sacrifice. Obviously, the potential exists for teams to exploit their Achilles heel. One example that comes to mind is Tom Brady. There is no one in the NFL better at picking the Steelers defense apart than Tom Brady. He is an absolute nightmare because he is so masterful at reading their defense and finding the open receiver. Fortunately for the Steelers there aren’t many Tom Bradys in the NFL. In fact, there are no other QBs like Tom Brady. The only other quarterback who I think could potentially dismantle the Steelers defense is Peyton Manning, but the Steelers have not played the Colts since 2002 when Peyton Manning threw three picks in a 28-10 victory by the Steelers. I think that is really a question that will have to remain unanswered until the Steelers travel to Indianapolis on another Monday night game on November 28.